New episodes of Shalom in the
ome begin airing in January
On The Learning Channel.
For more about the show,
log on to tic.discovery.com
or shmulel%com.
PEACEFUL
PARENTING
A renowned rabbi tells how to
bring about "Shalom in the Home."
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Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Charles and Cheri Cohen of Farmington
Hills with their son Andrew of Berkley
Lana Coder of Commerce, Susan Karpowicz of
Royal Oak and Heather Sutton of Commerce
Chris and Deborah Allison
of West Bloomfield
Rabbi Robert and Rochelle Marais
of Farmington Hills
Anne Ackerman of West Bloomfield
and Nickie Glasser of Birmingham
Maria and Jeffrey Freeman
of West Bloomfield
Shelly and Reed S. Minkin of West
Bloomfield with 4-month-old Gabriel
and 5-year-old Olivia (not pictured)
8 •
DECEMBER 2006 •
Shelly Singer of
West Bloomfield
JNPLATINUM
Herb and Babs Kaufman, front, surrounded by Ari Techner,
David and Ilene Kaufman Techner and Chad Techner, all of Birmingham
American marriages ends in divorce, and of the 50
he disintegration of the American fam-
percent who stay together, he assumes half are still
ily is the single greatest national prior-
unhappy. That means a majority of children across
ity, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, but
the country are not seeing a loving example from
he believes most people haven't even
their parents.
noticed there's a problem. The international best-
"Husbands and wives are losing
selling author, syndicated columnist and
host of The Learning Channel's prime-
romance; we don't discipline our chil-
dren; we're not inspiring our kids," Rabbi
time television show Shalom in the Home
Boteach says. "Mothers are so distant from
is on a mission to change that by spread-
their husbands today that they live vicari-
ing his message every way he can.
ously through their children. A family rots
Rabbi Boteach, 39, who lives in
from the head down; and a bad marriage
Englewood, N.J., with his wife and eight
is going to lead to unstable, insecure chil-
children, shared his insights with more
dren."
than 1,000 people at Temple Israel in
So, what are we to do?
West Bloomfield during the 25th annual
RO BIN
"Buy all of my books and watch
Alicia Joy Techner Memorial Parenting
SCHW ARTZ
Shalom in the Home every week," Rabbi
Conference. Ilene and David Techner of
M N I S T
COLU
Birmingham established the conference
Boteach jokes.
after their daughter Alicia died as an
His newest book, Parenting With Fire.-
PHOTOS BY
Lighting Up the Family with Passion &
infant in 1978.
ARMANDO RIOS
"We were parents one minute and
Inspiration, just released in September, is
filled with practical advice for inspiring
then not parents the next," says David
children and creating healthier parent-
Techner, a funeral director at the Ira
child relationships.
Kaufman Chapel in Southfield. "We're honoring
"He's nothing short of brilliant," exudes David
our daughter's memory, and we're also honoring
Techner. "He has really good ideas about parenting."
what we felt was a gift — which was being her par-
Adds Bonnie Fursmidt of West Bloomfield, "I have
ent."
a teenage son, and I could really relate."
The gift of parenthood is one Rabbi Boteach
"Every family situation is different, and every
believes many people are misusing, and that's what
family has a different part of their household that
he tackles on Shalom in the Home. Each week, his
they need to correct," says David Basch of West
hour-long show helps families come to terms with
Bloomfield. "Children are the foundation of our
some of their deepest issues and discover new ways
whole community, and we have to inspire them."
to approach their relationships. He uses Jewish
Spotted in the crowd at the Oct. 30 confer-
teachings to help these families heal, even though
ence were: Gail Elias, Randi Simko, Cindy Atler,
95 percent of the program's viewers are not Jewish.
Amy Jenkins and Shawn and Jeff Forman, all of
"Jews have always been famous for the strongest
Farmington Hills; Nancy Finkel, Michelle Klein,
families. Is that still true? I don't think so," Rabbi
Kay Kutinsky, Rosie Friedman and Shelly and
Boteach says. "I think our families are as weak as
Reed Minkin, all of West Bloomfield; Mary Jane
everyone else's. By and large, our divorce rate is the
and Rick Larson of Livonia, Ziva Schechet of
same as the national average."
Southfield; and Emily Camiener of Birmingham. ❑
Rabbi Boteach says one out of every two
HOW TO BRING SHALOM INTO YOUR HOME
During his recent visit to Temple Israel, Rabbi Shmuley
Boteach offered his wisdom on how to achieve har-
mony in the home. Here, his top-three tips:
• "Parents have to put their relationship before their
children," he says. "That's a big mistake we make
in America, we put the kids first. That's terrible. The
marriage came first, it should remain first." Parents
should get away at least twice a year to "rekindle the
embers of their love for each other. " He also suggests
creating a "function-free zone" after 9 p.m. — a time
when couples talk only about their day, each other and
their relationship. Topics like the dry cleaning or the
bills are off limits.
• "Give your kids boundaries. When you say `no,' you
must mean 'no.' When you make a promise, you must
deliver. Your word has to be your bond," he says. "The
Kaballah says there are two hands of love. The right
hand is giving; it's generous, it's open. The left hand is
disciplinary; it's more stern. They're both equal hands
of love." When you give your child only one hand, too
much criticism or too much love without boundaries,
he explains, you're hindering their development.
• "Undertake activities that centralize the home," the
rabbi suggests. "Read and discuss things with them,
have family dinners, establish your own traditions, turn
off the TV." He also believes many parents focus too
much on having their children spend time with friends
when they should be developing relationships with
family members. "Friends can entertain, but only par-
ents can truly inspire," he says. "I'm a great believer in
talking to your kids and getting them to offer an opin-
ion and feel valuable within the family."