New episodes of Shalom in the ome begin airing in January On The Learning Channel. For more about the show, log on to tic.discovery.com or shmulel%com. PEACEFUL PARENTING A renowned rabbi tells how to bring about "Shalom in the Home." ,,,,iirodo0,4114WO:VE%.*1, •-if> Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Charles and Cheri Cohen of Farmington Hills with their son Andrew of Berkley Lana Coder of Commerce, Susan Karpowicz of Royal Oak and Heather Sutton of Commerce Chris and Deborah Allison of West Bloomfield Rabbi Robert and Rochelle Marais of Farmington Hills Anne Ackerman of West Bloomfield and Nickie Glasser of Birmingham Maria and Jeffrey Freeman of West Bloomfield Shelly and Reed S. Minkin of West Bloomfield with 4-month-old Gabriel and 5-year-old Olivia (not pictured) 8 • DECEMBER 2006 • Shelly Singer of West Bloomfield JNPLATINUM Herb and Babs Kaufman, front, surrounded by Ari Techner, David and Ilene Kaufman Techner and Chad Techner, all of Birmingham American marriages ends in divorce, and of the 50 he disintegration of the American fam- percent who stay together, he assumes half are still ily is the single greatest national prior- unhappy. That means a majority of children across ity, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, but the country are not seeing a loving example from he believes most people haven't even their parents. noticed there's a problem. The international best- "Husbands and wives are losing selling author, syndicated columnist and host of The Learning Channel's prime- romance; we don't discipline our chil- dren; we're not inspiring our kids," Rabbi time television show Shalom in the Home Boteach says. "Mothers are so distant from is on a mission to change that by spread- their husbands today that they live vicari- ing his message every way he can. ously through their children. A family rots Rabbi Boteach, 39, who lives in from the head down; and a bad marriage Englewood, N.J., with his wife and eight is going to lead to unstable, insecure chil- children, shared his insights with more dren." than 1,000 people at Temple Israel in So, what are we to do? West Bloomfield during the 25th annual RO BIN "Buy all of my books and watch Alicia Joy Techner Memorial Parenting SCHW ARTZ Shalom in the Home every week," Rabbi Conference. Ilene and David Techner of M N I S T COLU Birmingham established the conference Boteach jokes. after their daughter Alicia died as an His newest book, Parenting With Fire.- PHOTOS BY Lighting Up the Family with Passion & infant in 1978. ARMANDO RIOS "We were parents one minute and Inspiration, just released in September, is filled with practical advice for inspiring then not parents the next," says David children and creating healthier parent- Techner, a funeral director at the Ira child relationships. Kaufman Chapel in Southfield. "We're honoring "He's nothing short of brilliant," exudes David our daughter's memory, and we're also honoring Techner. "He has really good ideas about parenting." what we felt was a gift — which was being her par- Adds Bonnie Fursmidt of West Bloomfield, "I have ent." a teenage son, and I could really relate." The gift of parenthood is one Rabbi Boteach "Every family situation is different, and every believes many people are misusing, and that's what family has a different part of their household that he tackles on Shalom in the Home. Each week, his they need to correct," says David Basch of West hour-long show helps families come to terms with Bloomfield. "Children are the foundation of our some of their deepest issues and discover new ways whole community, and we have to inspire them." to approach their relationships. He uses Jewish Spotted in the crowd at the Oct. 30 confer- teachings to help these families heal, even though ence were: Gail Elias, Randi Simko, Cindy Atler, 95 percent of the program's viewers are not Jewish. Amy Jenkins and Shawn and Jeff Forman, all of "Jews have always been famous for the strongest Farmington Hills; Nancy Finkel, Michelle Klein, families. Is that still true? I don't think so," Rabbi Kay Kutinsky, Rosie Friedman and Shelly and Boteach says. "I think our families are as weak as Reed Minkin, all of West Bloomfield; Mary Jane everyone else's. By and large, our divorce rate is the and Rick Larson of Livonia, Ziva Schechet of same as the national average." Southfield; and Emily Camiener of Birmingham. ❑ Rabbi Boteach says one out of every two HOW TO BRING SHALOM INTO YOUR HOME During his recent visit to Temple Israel, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach offered his wisdom on how to achieve har- mony in the home. Here, his top-three tips: • "Parents have to put their relationship before their children," he says. "That's a big mistake we make in America, we put the kids first. That's terrible. The marriage came first, it should remain first." Parents should get away at least twice a year to "rekindle the embers of their love for each other. " He also suggests creating a "function-free zone" after 9 p.m. — a time when couples talk only about their day, each other and their relationship. Topics like the dry cleaning or the bills are off limits. • "Give your kids boundaries. When you say `no,' you must mean 'no.' When you make a promise, you must deliver. Your word has to be your bond," he says. "The Kaballah says there are two hands of love. The right hand is giving; it's generous, it's open. The left hand is disciplinary; it's more stern. They're both equal hands of love." When you give your child only one hand, too much criticism or too much love without boundaries, he explains, you're hindering their development. • "Undertake activities that centralize the home," the rabbi suggests. "Read and discuss things with them, have family dinners, establish your own traditions, turn off the TV." He also believes many parents focus too much on having their children spend time with friends when they should be developing relationships with family members. "Friends can entertain, but only par- ents can truly inspire," he says. "I'm a great believer in talking to your kids and getting them to offer an opin- ion and feel valuable within the family."