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October 05, 2006 - Image 58

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 2006-10-05

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

THERE'S
NOTHING MORE
UNFASHIONABLE'
THAN PAYING
FULL RETAIL.

[CAN YOU RELATE?]

Introducing our newest column:

Therapist Brenda Strausz answers readers' questions
about relationships of all kinds.

My 13-year-old son wants more

Ca My 8- and 5-year-old daugh-

PR 1 ME

OUTLETS

independence than I am willing to

have tried separating them and it

give him. I am confused as to how

doesn't change a thing.

much freedom is acceptable. It has

Please help!

become a constant battle. Can you

— reader in Southfield

BIRCH RUN

%ham

ters are constantly fighting. I

—reader in Birmingham

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times to teach your children

A

problem-solving and negotiating

two things we can give our children:

techniques; children are much

One is roots and the other is wings.

more receptive and open during

There is certainly a delicate bal-

"non-fighting" moments. You can

ance between wanting to keep your

approach this with a spirit of play

child safe while allowing him inde-

— pick a problem, brainstorm

pendence. Consider these factors:

How has he handled freedom in the

which ones would be most viable.

past? How responsible is he? What

When your daughters are fight-

are his friends like? How well do you

angry feelings, listen to each side

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know his friends' parents?

It's important to decide on your

and let them know you under-

expectations in advance, such as

stand how difficult this must be for

curfew times, check-in times, adult

them. "You two sound furious with

supervision, etc. Then you can dis-

each other!" or "It must be hard

cuss them with your child. He may

when you both want to use the

balk, but you can let him know that

computer at the same time."

as he gets older, the rules can be

Then, express your confidence

in their problem-solving abilities:

modified.

Teens need independence; that is

"I know that you two can come

how they grow up to be responsible

up with a good solution for this."

adults. Give them independence in

If they seem baffled, you can

increments according to their age

casually offer a few suggestions

and maturity, and then you will be

and exit. Many conflicts get magi-

able to observe how they man-

cally solved when parents leave

age responsibility. You have already

the room. Of course, if safety is a

given your son roots.

In these teen-

concern, firmness and time-outs

age years, he will slowly learn to fly

are definitely in order.

and hopefully even soar!

Recommended reading:

Recommended reading:

Siblings Without Rivalry by

Surviving Your Adolescents

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

by Thomas W. Phelan

After

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It has been said that there are

possible solutions and decide

ing, you can acknowledge their

VVWW.

offer advice?

Brenda Strausz, M.A., is a local psychotherapist, parent

educator, certified relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist.

E-mail her your questions at relate@thejewishnews.com .

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