To Life!
1NTERFAI - H
Camper from page 33
In-Laws Or
Out-Laws?
Ann Arbor
A
American host Jeff Belen of Berkley, Israeli program coordinator Naomi
Miller Rockowitz, Detroit program co-chair Ken Korotkin of Birmingham,
Meital Fisher of Israel and local supporter Andrea Belen
Israeli Scouts David Rada, 14, and
Mushe Akalo, 15, sport their new
baseball caps.
know Israelis, and see that Israel is not
just what's on the news. Their exposure
to Israel is limited. When they see kids
who dress like them, with similar inter-
ests to them, it's easy to connect."
Adds Kaplan, "There's already an
American-Israeli couple at camp
— and it's only been a few days."
The campers tend to agree about the
mutual benefits.
"This program helps explain Israel
to the Detroit Jewish community and
it's fun to talk with and meet Jewish
people in America," said Itai Many, an
eighth-grader from Ganei Tikva."The
families are very warm, and it builds a
bond between our communities."
Susan Imerman, a Bloomfield Hills
seventh-grader, said, "This is an impor-
tant program because it gives people in
both countries a chance to learn about
34
July 6 • 2006
each other's cultures and
language."
Nicole Eisenberg of
Bloomfield Hills was dis-
appointed she and her
husband, Stephen, and son,
Noah, 7, had only an hour
to be with the two girls
who will spend a weekend
with them later this month.
They met at a welcome
dinner just before camp
started.
"The girls were so bubbly and cute,
and they were all over Noah, calling
him their family already," she said.
"I feel very lucky we are able to have
them."
For several years, there has been a
waiting list for host families, Kaplan
says.
The Eisenbergs will share a fun-
filled weekend with their neighbors
and closest friends, Lisa and Mark
Menuck and their children, who will be
hosting two boy campers.
"I'm hoping Noah gets to know a
different culture and that it becomes
real to him, not just what he learns at
Hebrew school or sees about war on
the news:' Nicole said. "I'm hoping to
put a face on Israel from his perspec-
tive, a child's perspective."
Corporate sponsors for Federation's
Israeli Camper Program are Caribou
Coffee, Rock Financial and Grand
Sakwa Management, along with private
donations. F-1_
t a recent talk about my
upcoming book on inter-
marriage, I was struck by
how many parents of adult children
attended and asked questions.
More and more, it's not just the
young couples and newlyweds asking
the questions. It's their parents as well.
They are mostly apprehensive and
looking for answers. They have trouble
with the thought of their children
marrying outside the faith, but still
want to be included in their lives. I
take this as a good sign.
Young couples, for the most part,
want to keep the relationships with
their parents and in-laws in good
shape. Yes, there are some who meet
resistance from parents
and immediately start to
build a wall to keep them-
selves from getting hurt.
To paraphrase Frost, "Good
fences make good in-laws."
Then there are those who
recognize that inclusion
and dialogue may be the
best approach to having
the parental blessing.
When Bonnie and I were
engaged, we wondered
which members of her
Jewish family would object to her mar-
rying a Protestant. Would anyone on
my side of the family voice his or her
disapproval? We simply didn't know
what to expect.
Issues about whether to have a
Christmas tree in the living room
or bacon in the refrigerator were
relatively easy because they were all
directly under our control. What was
not within our grasp, however, was
how our extended family would react
to our interfaith marriage.
Would they be supportive? Would -
they disown us? Would they be friend-
ly on the surface, but try to derail
us every chance they got? To quote
Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of
chocolates ..."
Similarly, we had no idea what
we'd get, but it would probably be an
assortment. Fortunately, our box didn't
contain any nuts; and there wasn't
anything too serious that forced us to
call off the wedding.
The biggest disappointment was
that Bonnie's grandmother ("Bubba")
told us that she would not come to
our wedding. She just couldn't do it
out of principal. To her, Jews should
not marry outside the faith. Attending
our wedding would mean that she
endorsed intermarriage.
Rather than building that wall,
Bonnie and I decided to work on her.
We hadn't yet set a wedding date, so we
had plenty of time. Our approach paid
off. One day, Bubba announced that she
would go to our wedding. She felt that
Bonnie's happiness was more impor-
tant than anything. We were elated.
Looking back, we realize just how
important our efforts were. If we had
written her off, we wouldn't have been
able to spend those golden years with
her. I never would have known, for
myself, what an amazing woman she
was. We could have given
up. I'm so glad we didn't.
The biggest benefit
we discovered from this
experience was that inclu-
sion, rather than exclusion,
opens more eyes and more
hearts.
Throughout our mar-
riage, Bonnie and I have
always tried to involve our
parents and extended fam-
ily in our lives. Our parents
are always included in our
children's activities — from holiday
celebrations to religious school activi-
ties. We also do our best to educate
extended family members about
the different traditions in our back-
grounds.
It's natural for in-laws to be worried
for their child's well being. Sharing and
teaching help melt away that concern.
We find it much easier to get along
with in-laws rather than out-laws. To
quote the Western outlaw Josey Wales,
"I've lived my whole life with my gun
and my horse. But, oy, do I miss the
whole mishpachah on Pesach."With
our inclusive approach, I'm hoping we
never have any regrets like that. Ell
Jim Keen is author of the book "Inside
Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's
Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family"
(URJ Press, forthcoming) and a contribu-
tor to the book "The Guide to the Jewish
Interfaith Family Life: an InterfaithFamily.
com Handbook" (Jewish Lights Publishing).
He is a columnist for Inter faithFamily.com .
His e - mail address is jckeen , umich.edu .