To Life! 1NTERFAI - H Camper from page 33 In-Laws Or Out-Laws? Ann Arbor A American host Jeff Belen of Berkley, Israeli program coordinator Naomi Miller Rockowitz, Detroit program co-chair Ken Korotkin of Birmingham, Meital Fisher of Israel and local supporter Andrea Belen Israeli Scouts David Rada, 14, and Mushe Akalo, 15, sport their new baseball caps. know Israelis, and see that Israel is not just what's on the news. Their exposure to Israel is limited. When they see kids who dress like them, with similar inter- ests to them, it's easy to connect." Adds Kaplan, "There's already an American-Israeli couple at camp — and it's only been a few days." The campers tend to agree about the mutual benefits. "This program helps explain Israel to the Detroit Jewish community and it's fun to talk with and meet Jewish people in America," said Itai Many, an eighth-grader from Ganei Tikva."The families are very warm, and it builds a bond between our communities." Susan Imerman, a Bloomfield Hills seventh-grader, said, "This is an impor- tant program because it gives people in both countries a chance to learn about 34 July 6 • 2006 each other's cultures and language." Nicole Eisenberg of Bloomfield Hills was dis- appointed she and her husband, Stephen, and son, Noah, 7, had only an hour to be with the two girls who will spend a weekend with them later this month. They met at a welcome dinner just before camp started. "The girls were so bubbly and cute, and they were all over Noah, calling him their family already," she said. "I feel very lucky we are able to have them." For several years, there has been a waiting list for host families, Kaplan says. The Eisenbergs will share a fun- filled weekend with their neighbors and closest friends, Lisa and Mark Menuck and their children, who will be hosting two boy campers. "I'm hoping Noah gets to know a different culture and that it becomes real to him, not just what he learns at Hebrew school or sees about war on the news:' Nicole said. "I'm hoping to put a face on Israel from his perspec- tive, a child's perspective." Corporate sponsors for Federation's Israeli Camper Program are Caribou Coffee, Rock Financial and Grand Sakwa Management, along with private donations. F-1_ t a recent talk about my upcoming book on inter- marriage, I was struck by how many parents of adult children attended and asked questions. More and more, it's not just the young couples and newlyweds asking the questions. It's their parents as well. They are mostly apprehensive and looking for answers. They have trouble with the thought of their children marrying outside the faith, but still want to be included in their lives. I take this as a good sign. Young couples, for the most part, want to keep the relationships with their parents and in-laws in good shape. Yes, there are some who meet resistance from parents and immediately start to build a wall to keep them- selves from getting hurt. To paraphrase Frost, "Good fences make good in-laws." Then there are those who recognize that inclusion and dialogue may be the best approach to having the parental blessing. When Bonnie and I were engaged, we wondered which members of her Jewish family would object to her mar- rying a Protestant. Would anyone on my side of the family voice his or her disapproval? We simply didn't know what to expect. Issues about whether to have a Christmas tree in the living room or bacon in the refrigerator were relatively easy because they were all directly under our control. What was not within our grasp, however, was how our extended family would react to our interfaith marriage. Would they be supportive? Would - they disown us? Would they be friend- ly on the surface, but try to derail us every chance they got? To quote Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates ..." Similarly, we had no idea what we'd get, but it would probably be an assortment. Fortunately, our box didn't contain any nuts; and there wasn't anything too serious that forced us to call off the wedding. The biggest disappointment was that Bonnie's grandmother ("Bubba") told us that she would not come to our wedding. She just couldn't do it out of principal. To her, Jews should not marry outside the faith. Attending our wedding would mean that she endorsed intermarriage. Rather than building that wall, Bonnie and I decided to work on her. We hadn't yet set a wedding date, so we had plenty of time. Our approach paid off. One day, Bubba announced that she would go to our wedding. She felt that Bonnie's happiness was more impor- tant than anything. We were elated. Looking back, we realize just how important our efforts were. If we had written her off, we wouldn't have been able to spend those golden years with her. I never would have known, for myself, what an amazing woman she was. We could have given up. I'm so glad we didn't. The biggest benefit we discovered from this experience was that inclu- sion, rather than exclusion, opens more eyes and more hearts. Throughout our mar- riage, Bonnie and I have always tried to involve our parents and extended fam- ily in our lives. Our parents are always included in our children's activities — from holiday celebrations to religious school activi- ties. We also do our best to educate extended family members about the different traditions in our back- grounds. It's natural for in-laws to be worried for their child's well being. Sharing and teaching help melt away that concern. We find it much easier to get along with in-laws rather than out-laws. To quote the Western outlaw Josey Wales, "I've lived my whole life with my gun and my horse. But, oy, do I miss the whole mishpachah on Pesach."With our inclusive approach, I'm hoping we never have any regrets like that. Ell Jim Keen is author of the book "Inside Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family" (URJ Press, forthcoming) and a contribu- tor to the book "The Guide to the Jewish Interfaith Family Life: an InterfaithFamily. com Handbook" (Jewish Lights Publishing). He is a columnist for Inter faithFamily.com . His e - mail address is jckeen , umich.edu .