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His Cheating Heart

In "The Script; " authors write "wake-up call to women everywhere."

SUZANNE CHESSLER

Special to the Jewish News

M

eeting with rabbis and hav-
ing the support of Jewish
friends helped Elizabeth
Landers get through divorce after 38
years of marriage. Other divorced
women, Jewish and non-Jewish,
opened up about their common expe-
riences during everyday conversations,
and the talk was comforting and
enlightening.
Landers spoke
extensively with
Vicky Mainzer, a
friend she met in
San Francisco while
both of their fami-
lies were intact.
Their friendship
endures beyond 20
years, after divorce
sent them to differ-
ent cities and into
conversations with
new people con-
fronting failed mar-
riages.
As Landers and Mainzer got to
know more and more women, they
came to realize that patterns of divorce
— specifically when the men were
unfaithful — turned out to be very
much alike. It seemed as if the men
were acting out a script.
That realization led to their writing
out The Script: The 100% Absolutely

through it all have said this book is
totally accurate. We hope that we can
help women not yet separated recog-
nize what is going on and take action
to save their marriages."
The authors, moving from
"Overture" to "Finale," present scenes
that are typical when men are in the
various stages of distancing themselves
from their wives.
Early on, the unfaithful try to make
it appear that their wives are emotion-
ally unstable. Soon, there
are maneuvers to hide
funds. Later, each wife
will receive an unusually
expensive gift shortly
before the cheating hus-
band is about to leave.

Elizabeth Landers:
"Working at saving a
marriage is similar to
pain management."

ZABETH LANDERS

AN

Landers and Mainzer add to the
reality of the stages by referring to
actual couples, making changes to pro-
tect identities. They explain that men
learn the script from observing other
unfaithful men.
Although the writers spoke with
many Jewish professionals and
women, they maintain that the script
is the same regardless of ethnicity, age,
community status or other factors.
"We didn't do research in a formal
way," says Landers, who references for-
mer President Bill Clinton and the late
auto magnate Henry Ford II. "We did
talk to therapists, doctors, financial
advisors, lawyers and CPAs. We're
speaking from the perspective of
women, but we did speak to men."
This is the first book for each of the
writers, who proceeded with their idea
after checking that no similar project
had been completed. With the goal of
saving relationships, they decided to
include tips and set
them off from the main
text. An example of a
tip is, "Watch out for
friends who make you
feel worse."

E SCRIP

THE 100% ABSOLUTELY PREDICTABLE
THINGS MEN DO WHEN THEY CHEAT

Predictable Things Men Do When They
Cheat (Hyperion; $21.95). Two local
presentations about the book have
been scheduled — at 7 p.m. Thursday,
Aug. 4, at Borders in Grosse Pointe;
and at noon Friday, Aug. 5, at Borders
in downtown Detroit.

The Stages

41N

7/28
2005

40

"This book is not about any one
woman, two women or three women
because the information wouldn't be
worthwhile," says Landers, 62, a
Grosse Pointe resident for almost two
years. "We looked back on hundreds
of conversations we've had and the
stories we've heard.
"Universally, the women who have
gone through this kind of divorce and
the professionals who help them get

The authors, who both were divorced after long mar-
riages, contend that every cheating husband exhibits the
same signs along the way"

Trust Your Instincts

Landers, who entered
the workforce after her
two children were
grown, has been a news-
paper manager, stock-
broker and banker. A
former president of the
San Francisco Hadassah,
she belongs to the Isaac
ree Downtown
Synagogue in Detroit
and the Grosse Pointe
Jewish. Council.
Mainzer, who is not
Jewish, has been a
nurse, events planner
and hospital director of
volunteers.
"When we started the
book, Vicky already was
living in Idaho," says
Landers, who divides
her time between
Michigan and New York
so that she spends part
of the year close to each

of her children and their families. "I
was planning to move at the time we
started, so most of the book was done
while I was in Grosse Pointe.
"We did this by phone and in per-
son. We each did some writing, looked
at each other's work and talked about
the ideas. We put the script in order
and wanted to include well-known
people to show they did the same
things that everyone else did."
There is a lot of denial among
women as they begin to sense marital
problems, says Landers. The reason is
the consequences are frightening, and
wives don't want to face that.
"We want to communicate that
working at saving a marriage is similar
to pain management," Landers says.
"Both are more likely to be successful
if they get attention early. Women
should trust their instincts. If they
think something is wrong, it probably

•

I S.

3 ,

Landers, who advises discussing
problems with spouses and seeking
professional counseling in couples,
says she is not bitter about her
divorce. She feels fortunate to have
strong ties to her two children, four
grandchildren, mother and friends.
The authors remain, deeply involved
in promoting the book. They have
been on the Today and Fox News Live
shows. The Script will be discussed by
Oprah on Aug. 9 and had a big spread
in the July issue of Redbook.
"I'm thinking about doing another
book," says Landers, who visits Israel
at least once a year as a board member
of a charitable foundation that sup-
ports Israeli causes. "It would follow
through with the script format and tell
what happens to women and men
after divorce." ❑

Elizabeth Landers will discuss
The Script at two Borders stores:
7 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 4, at
17141 Kercheval, Grosse Pointe,
(313) 885-1188; and noon
Friday, Aug. 5, at 1012
Woodward, Detroit, (313) 963-
8840. The book also is scheduled
to be discussed on the Aug. 9
broadcast of Oprah.