Arts & Entertainment On The Bookshelf His Cheating Heart In "The Script; " authors write "wake-up call to women everywhere." SUZANNE CHESSLER Special to the Jewish News M eeting with rabbis and hav- ing the support of Jewish friends helped Elizabeth Landers get through divorce after 38 years of marriage. Other divorced women, Jewish and non-Jewish, opened up about their common expe- riences during everyday conversations, and the talk was comforting and enlightening. Landers spoke extensively with Vicky Mainzer, a friend she met in San Francisco while both of their fami- lies were intact. Their friendship endures beyond 20 years, after divorce sent them to differ- ent cities and into conversations with new people con- fronting failed mar- riages. As Landers and Mainzer got to know more and more women, they came to realize that patterns of divorce — specifically when the men were unfaithful — turned out to be very much alike. It seemed as if the men were acting out a script. That realization led to their writing out The Script: The 100% Absolutely through it all have said this book is totally accurate. We hope that we can help women not yet separated recog- nize what is going on and take action to save their marriages." The authors, moving from "Overture" to "Finale," present scenes that are typical when men are in the various stages of distancing themselves from their wives. Early on, the unfaithful try to make it appear that their wives are emotion- ally unstable. Soon, there are maneuvers to hide funds. Later, each wife will receive an unusually expensive gift shortly before the cheating hus- band is about to leave. Elizabeth Landers: "Working at saving a marriage is similar to pain management." ZABETH LANDERS AN Landers and Mainzer add to the reality of the stages by referring to actual couples, making changes to pro- tect identities. They explain that men learn the script from observing other unfaithful men. Although the writers spoke with many Jewish professionals and women, they maintain that the script is the same regardless of ethnicity, age, community status or other factors. "We didn't do research in a formal way," says Landers, who references for- mer President Bill Clinton and the late auto magnate Henry Ford II. "We did talk to therapists, doctors, financial advisors, lawyers and CPAs. We're speaking from the perspective of women, but we did speak to men." This is the first book for each of the writers, who proceeded with their idea after checking that no similar project had been completed. With the goal of saving relationships, they decided to include tips and set them off from the main text. An example of a tip is, "Watch out for friends who make you feel worse." E SCRIP THE 100% ABSOLUTELY PREDICTABLE THINGS MEN DO WHEN THEY CHEAT Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat (Hyperion; $21.95). Two local presentations about the book have been scheduled — at 7 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 4, at Borders in Grosse Pointe; and at noon Friday, Aug. 5, at Borders in downtown Detroit. The Stages 41N 7/28 2005 40 "This book is not about any one woman, two women or three women because the information wouldn't be worthwhile," says Landers, 62, a Grosse Pointe resident for almost two years. "We looked back on hundreds of conversations we've had and the stories we've heard. "Universally, the women who have gone through this kind of divorce and the professionals who help them get The authors, who both were divorced after long mar- riages, contend that every cheating husband exhibits the same signs along the way" Trust Your Instincts Landers, who entered the workforce after her two children were grown, has been a news- paper manager, stock- broker and banker. A former president of the San Francisco Hadassah, she belongs to the Isaac ree Downtown Synagogue in Detroit and the Grosse Pointe Jewish. Council. Mainzer, who is not Jewish, has been a nurse, events planner and hospital director of volunteers. "When we started the book, Vicky already was living in Idaho," says Landers, who divides her time between Michigan and New York so that she spends part of the year close to each of her children and their families. "I was planning to move at the time we started, so most of the book was done while I was in Grosse Pointe. "We did this by phone and in per- son. We each did some writing, looked at each other's work and talked about the ideas. We put the script in order and wanted to include well-known people to show they did the same things that everyone else did." There is a lot of denial among women as they begin to sense marital problems, says Landers. The reason is the consequences are frightening, and wives don't want to face that. "We want to communicate that working at saving a marriage is similar to pain management," Landers says. "Both are more likely to be successful if they get attention early. Women should trust their instincts. If they think something is wrong, it probably • I S. 3 , Landers, who advises discussing problems with spouses and seeking professional counseling in couples, says she is not bitter about her divorce. She feels fortunate to have strong ties to her two children, four grandchildren, mother and friends. The authors remain, deeply involved in promoting the book. They have been on the Today and Fox News Live shows. The Script will be discussed by Oprah on Aug. 9 and had a big spread in the July issue of Redbook. "I'm thinking about doing another book," says Landers, who visits Israel at least once a year as a board member of a charitable foundation that sup- ports Israeli causes. "It would follow through with the script format and tell what happens to women and men after divorce." ❑ Elizabeth Landers will discuss The Script at two Borders stores: 7 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 4, at 17141 Kercheval, Grosse Pointe, (313) 885-1188; and noon Friday, Aug. 5, at 1012 Woodward, Detroit, (313) 963- 8840. The book also is scheduled to be discussed on the Aug. 9 broadcast of Oprah.