tte,
Iwo Married Guys
Take You from Single Miss
to Wedded Bliss
RICHARD ICI RSIIENBAUM
DANIEL ROSENBERG
creating an action plan may want to
when dealing with a commitment
refer to Rachel Greenwald's Find a
phobic, ultima4ums should be con-
Husband After 35 (Using What I
sidered. However, the authors do
Learned at Harvard Business School):
advise leaving the door open a little
A
Simple 15-Step Action Program
bit, in case the marriage-shy
[Ballantine; $22.95], which advo-
boyfriend has a change of heart.
cates proper packaging, market
In a chapter about interfaith mar-
research, event-planning and quar-
riages, Kirshenbaum and Rosenberg,
terly reviews.)
who both married Jewish women,
Rosenberg geared her book for
point out that religion should be a
women 30 and beyond because
source of strength and foundation
"women in their 20s don't have to
for a relationship, not a well of
work
as hard to have a social life.
resentment or bitterness.
A USER'S GUtOE TO
GETTING TO THE ALTAR
Their lifestyle brings them in con-
"You are kidding yourself if you
tact with many more people. As
think marrying someone with a dif-
NBV.KG ,
women get into their 30s, options
ferent background doesn't present
start to narrow," she says.
potential problems," says
peset..i. cows.,
11.0:MEN. 1,001,Inli CI VW-Es
With age also comes more
Rosenberg. "Even just
opportunity to be burned
considering how the kids
by romance, "and the
will be raised can
more women are hurt,
become an issue."
the more they tend to
Kirshenbaum, who
retreat, and it's harder
has been married for
to rev up their dating
11 years and has three
motor."
children, says the prob-
Rosenberg encour-
lem isn't as much about
ages
single women to
marrying outside your
walk
out of their com-
faith as it is about
fort zone, break away
ignoring possible issues
from their daily routine
while dating.
and force themselves
"Some
couples
who
were
(William Morrow; $19.95), and
into new social terri-
of
different
religions
had
How to Get Married After 35: A
tory. And, she says, to
trouble
closing
the
deal
User's Guide to Getting to the Altar by
venture out alone, as
because, while they had
Helena Rosenberg (HarperCollins;
it's
harder to meet
fun dating, they never
paperback; $13.95).
someone with a friend by
talked about their religious dif-
your side."
ferences or dealt with them," he
Ultimate Commitment
In fact, it was when Rosenberg
says.
"When
they
became
engaged,
In Closing The Deal, Kirshenbaum,
ventured
out alone to a Jewish out-
those
issues
were
unable
to
be
co-chair of an advertising agency,
reach
Rosh
Hashanah service that
resolved."
and Rosenberg, a film-studio execu-
she
met
her
husband. "I went by
One
of
the
important
messages
the
tive, pinpoint relationship issues that
myself
and
while
walking up the
authors want to convey is that to be
may stand in the way of getting to
steps
of
the
synagogue,
we started to
in
a
serious,
marriageable
relation-
the altar.
chat,"
recalls
Rosenberg,
who just
ship,
that
relationship
has
to
be
a
They discuss "marriage motiva-
celebrated
her
12th
wedding
priority.
Only
then,
Kirshenbaum
tors," such as loyalty, effort, a sense
anniversary. "Had I been with a
says, can you put yourself in the
of humor and keeping a positive
friend, he wouldn't have stopped me,
right
position
to
close
the
deal.
attitude, as well as relationship spoil-
and we would never have met."
ers, such as apathy.
When
Options
Narrow
While Rosenberg, the mother of a
Believing there is an art to getting
9-year-old
daughter, encourages
In How To Get Married After 35,
that ultimate commitment, the
readers
to
keep
an open mind, there
Helena
Rosenberg,
who
didn't
get
authors give insight into what men
are
some
red
flags
that women
married
herself
until
age
44,
presents
think, and offer tools, tips and
should
be
aware
of:
an
updated
and
expanded
step-by-
advice.
"If a man is of a certain age and
step guide to finding a mate (includ-
"It's about understanding," says
hasn't
ever been married or lived
ing
mastering
the
basics
of
Internet
Rosenberg. "We talk about early
with somebody, the prospects are
dating).
stage dating and every aspect of the
really good that he never will," she
Rosenberg, a marriage and family
relationship all the way to the ena-
says. "Or ir a man is only available
therapist
in
the
Los
Angeles
area,
gagement."
during the week and not on week-
offers
practical
advice
about
every-
One of the biggest mistakes
ends, he may already be married."
thing
from
avoiding
men
who
are
women make, Rosenberg says, is that
Most importantly, Rosenberg
unmarriageable
to
taking
charge
of
they "don't take inventory often
wants
women to know they all have
one's
own
life
and
setting
realistic
enough in a relationship to see
the
power
to shape their romantic
goals. She also lists some of the best
where they stand. They should listen
future.
ways
to
meet
men,
including
doing
to what their boyfriend is saying,
"Being proactive did it for me," she
whether they want to hear it or not." volunteer work, visiting art galleries
says
"and it can do it for others."
and
becoming
politically
active.
As for ultimatums, the authors
(Those
with
MBAs
and
prone
to
don't advocate them as a rule. But
Marriage Manuals
Authors offer tips on meeting the right one
and getting to the altar.
ALICE BURDICK SCHWEIGER
Special to the Jewish News
W bile Sherie Rappoport, 23,
of West Bloomfield is
having fun on the local
dating scene with her friends, she
says it's not that easy finding Mr.
Right.
"After college it's harder to meet
someone," says Rappoport, who
graduated from Michigan State a
year ago May and is currently the
program assistant in the Jewish Life
and Learning Department at the
Jewish Community Center in West
Bloomfield.
"A lot of singles move out of state
after graduation, leaving a smaller
pool of eligible bachelors. It's very
difficult to find your soul mate at a
bar, especially when you only want
to marry someone Jewish, so that
leaves online dating and various
social networks, which may or may
not work out."
Rappoport is not alone. Millions
of single Jewish women across
America are having a tough time
finding their life partner. But those
wannabe brides shouldn't throw in
the towel.
Advice on getting to the chuppah
is available in the form of two
recently released books by Jewish
authors: Closing The Deal by Richard
Kirshenbaum and Daniel Rosenberg
"
❑
6/30
2005
49