Single In The Holy City
An Oak Park native finds herself "married" in Jerusalem.
MIRIAM LEWIS
Special to the Jewish News
Jerusalem
erusalem. City of gold. City of
white stone, winding streets,
rolling hills and pleasant breeze.
City of covered heads, baby strollers and
family picnics. Where do the singles fit
in?
I made aliyah nine months ago. After
several months of pointless affairs and
disastrous blind dates, I had a powerful
realization:
Here I am in this holy city, the holiest
city in the holiest part of the world,
where God commanded us to be fruitful
and multiply ... and I am alone. Sure, I
have friends. I even have a newly discov-
ered cousin in Jerusalem and other dis-
tant family in Israel's north and along
the coast.
Ultimately, however, I am single.
Alone. In this town, I am an anomaly.
I do not think that this city has an
inherent intolerance for singles, yet
Jerusalem is known throughout Israel for
its family culture. While the newspapers
publish articles about the rise in baby
bigotry in Tel Aviv (restaurant owners
banning babies, mounting papoose prej-
udice in the streets), in Jerusalem kids
run the show.
I hear their youthful yelps from the
park nearby late at night, their parents
safe in the knowledge that this is a fami-
ly town and that children are always
invited. On a Shabbat afternoon stroll, I
see twice as many families out walking
as I do single people.
A friend of mine and her newborn,
rarely separated, attend plays together,
and no one blinks twice when the baby
gurgles along with the actors; of course
her presence is welcome.
Jr
Parents mall-crawl late into the night
with their tots in tow, pushing prams
from shop to shop while onlookers
cheerfully flirt with their little ones.
Jerusalem embodies Marlo Thomas'
vision of "a land where the children are
free.
Sigh. The question remains: Where do
I fit in?
Without husband, children, family,
am nothing here. I am merely a baby-
flirt — smiling, teasing and baby-talking
with other people's offspring. I am a
family-crasher — leeching onto other
people's family structures in an effort to
feel connected.
I am the single woman at every dinner
party. I am the friend everyone wants to
match up. "You should meet my friend/
cousin/neighbor so-and-so. I think the
two of you would really hit it off."
It's always the same story. Single in the
Holy City is a curse.
This feeling may be perpetuated by
the Oleh Outlook. Jerusalem, city of
new aim (immigrants), is a place of lost
souls. All of these young, new trans-
plants are roaming around without any
grounding: no parents, no direct family,
no ties.
We all came here for various reasons
and chose, in a way, to marry Israel —
to make Israel our home. But without a
family to come home to each night, life
is unstable. We are plants without roots,
nomads — homeless in our homeland.
I have attended more weddings and
engagement parties in these first nine
months as an Israeli than during my
whole life in the States. Part of that,
undoubtedly, has to do with my age. .
The mid-20s are a natural time for cou-
pling and commitment.
To be completely honest though, I
often yearn for the singles atmosphere of
Scholarship Winners
The Arab American, Chaldean, and Jewish Friends program of the
National Conference for Community and Justice hosted its annual awards
and benefit May 11.
.
High school students from metro Detroit who participated in the annual
"Ties That Bind" essay scholarship contest were recognized, and winning teams
awarded college scholarship monies.
Grace Trigger of Bloomfield Hills Andover High School participated on a
team with Laura Fawaz, Troy Athens; Asuin Nagi, Dearborn Edsel Ford; and
Jessica Rabban, Ferndale. Each received $500.
The following students earned certificates of commendation: Miriam Liebman,
North Farmington High School; Danny Devries, Andover; Jay Kohler,
Birmingham Groves; and Eric Hoffman, Walled Lake Western.
Los Angeles. My relationships there felt
more relaxed and less desperate. Perhaps
that is, to a certain extent, because I was
a temporary resident.
I opened a California bank account,
bought a car and furniture, and regis-
tered to vote, all knowing that my time
there was limited. Ultimately, I planned
to make aliyah, so I was not looking to
settle or put down roots. I was not try-
ing to make connections or feel at
v,
home.
Sark, the wonderful San Fransisco
artist and cartoonist, makes a bold sug-
gestion. "Marry yourself first," she
encourages. "Promise to never leave
you.''
When I was in Israel for my junior
year of college, I had a silver ring made
for myself with my name engraved in
Hebrew and in Arabic. It is simple and
beautiful and foil of deep personal sig-
nificance. It holds meaning for me that
connects to my most daring dreams, my
highest ambitions,and my reasons for
making aliyah.
Sometimes, I jokingly refer to the ring
as my wedding ring, particularly when I
am avoiding unwanted advances.
Recently, I realized that my ring is, in
fact, a wedding ring, and that, in the
spirit of Sark, I should focus more on
being a good self-spouse, on being a
good partner to myself.
The true challenge of living in
Jerusalem is to not let the pressure take
over. I have to be able to stop the series
of awful blind dates. I have to come to
terms with my singleness. Accept it.
Embrace it. Love me for my single self.
Or else, I'll move to Tel Aviv. ❑
Miriam Lewis, a native of Oak Park, is a
freelance writer, designer and theater artist
in Jerusalem.
Scene Happenings
For college age through 30-something.
Send information to ahitsky@thejewishnews.com
June 20 Sunday, 11 a.m. Hillel Metro Detroit Lalacanoeza, $10,
Heavners Canoe Rentals, 2775 Garden Road, Milford, includes food.
RSVP: Karen Urman, (313) 577-3459 or hilleled@wayne.edu
June 22 Tuesday, 7:30 p.m. YAD annual meeting and pool party at
Doreen Hermelin's, Bingham Farms. Free. RSVP to Jonathan Goldstein,
(248) 203-1471.
June 27 Sunday Hillel Metro Detroit Carnival for Cans for Yad Ezra
is being re-scheduled. New date to be announced.
6/18
2004
31