Ask Wendy
Baby Shower Better After The Birth
excruciating reminder of
Dear Wendy:
what she has lost. Yes, we
My best friend is four-
live in an age of medical
months' pregnant with her
miracles, but I have person-
first child and wants me to
ally known women who
throw her a baby shower.
have lost children not just in
"Jews don't have baby show-
their first trimester, but days
ers before the baby is born,"
before their delivery date. In
I keep saying. "What's the
this case, custom may seem
big deal?" she keeps saying.
WE NDY
indistinguishable from
The more I think about it,
BELZ BERG
superstition. But why tempt
what is the big deal?
Spec ial to
fate?
—Unsure of the reasoning
the Jewi sh News
You don't have to be
Dear Wendy:
Jewish to believe it's a bad idea to
What do you think of marriage
throw a shower for an unborn baby.
before marriage? My
counseling
Spread the word.
fiance
thinks
we should go into ther-
Here's the big deal: Something
apy
together.
Like every couple, we
goes wrong. Should your friend really
have
issues
and
our arguments can
be surrounded at a time like that by
become
rather
heated.
But the sug-
onesies, car seats and bottle sterilizers?
gestion
to
see
a
counselor
makes me
The items would only serve as an
feel as if my fiance thinks our rela-
tionship is doomed.
—Squeamish about counseling
If more people thought like your
fiance, I suspect there would be fewer
divorces. Surviving — not to mention
thriving in — a marriage is hard
work, and has been proven to be
more than many people are capable
of. A good counselor can teach you
critical skills: how to communicate,
how to fight fair and how and when
to compromise.
I suppose there's a risk that coun-
seling may lead your fiance to con-
clude that your issues are irresolvable.
But wouldn't you rather know that
before your parents spend too much
money on a wedding and before you
have children? On the other hand,
your fiance may be suffering under
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the delusion that all of your issues
can and should be resolved before the
ceremony. A good counselor may be
able to drag him back to earth.
The definition of a good marriage
is not one in which both parties
always see eye to eye as the sun sets
serenely behind them. Life is rich and
complicated, but not always fun. A
marriage without challenges and dif-
ferent viewpoints sounds to me like a
recipe for desperate boredom.
I say spend more money on pre-
marital counseling and less on pre-
nuptial agreements. ❑
Write to "Ask Wendy" at 954
Lexington Ave. #189, New York,
NY 10021, or e-mail
askwendy@thejevvishnews.com
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