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about how to divide my
Dear Wendy:
belongings among my three
My son has decided
children.
that he doesn't want to
There
are several items —
have a bar mitzvah cere-
jewelry,
silver, art — that I
mony; he thinks the
would
love
for my children
whole idea has become
to
enjoy
while
I am still
commercialized and over-
alive.
I'm
afraid,
however,
rated. He is a fine and
that
if
I
start
to
distribute
conscientious student,
WENDY
any of my belongings now,'
with a healthy grasp of
BELZBERG
it will result in jealousy
morals and a strong
Special to
and resentment among my
appreciation for religion.
the Jewish News
children. Is there a good
Do we bow to his wishes
way
to handle this?
on this one, given that he
—
Getting
Smarter
As I Get
has learned everything he needs to
Older
learn in order to get up on that
The bitter disputes that can result
bimah [dias]? I will admit that
when
a will is thought to be
most of his friends' bar mitzvah
inequitable
can tear a family apart.
celebrations have been rather
Better
that
you're
alive to mediate
empty affairs.
— Bolting The Bimah
A boy becomes a bar mitzvah when
he is 13 and is called to the Torah for
the first time. According to Jewish
law, he is now old enough to under-
stand God's commandments and
obligated to fulfill them.
Standing on the bimah in front of
the congregation is a time for your
son to reflect upon his commitment
to God, his place among the Jewish
people and his responsibility to his
community.
If you look way, way back in
Jewish history, say 60 years, you will
arrive at a time when a boy became
a bar mitzvah without engraved
invitations, designer-clad classmates
nattering in the congregation, a
band or a D.J. Imagine that! Your
son's bar mitzvah need not be a
commercial affair. Before you bow
to his wishes, you and your son
should spend more time talking to
your rabbi and less time with the
party planner.
now rather than have your legacy be a
rift among your children later. Too
few individuals are willing to contem-
plate their own death. I applaud your
courage.
The first thing to do is to sit your
three children down in the same
room and discuss your dilemma. You
might be surprised to discover that
they are not fighting over the same
things and that each of your belong-
ings has different sentimental value
for each of your children.
If this is not the case, you have
several options. First, let your chil-
dren try to work it out among
themselves. If that doesn't work, a
simple coin toss, lottery or drawing
of straws will do. Leaving it to
chance is far better than it being left
to you. Ditto, when it comes to the
items you leave your children in
your will. The mom-always-loved-
you-best conflict is hard enough to
contend with while you are alive.
You are wise not to leave any sparks
after you're gone. O
* * * * * * * * *
Dear Wendy:
I am in my early 70s. While I
hope to live to 120, I have gotten my
will in order and begun to think
Write to "Ask Wendy" at 954
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York, NY 10021, or e-mail
askwendy@thejewishnews.com