WAYNE STATE
UNIVERSITY
Marriage Matters
LOVE
thuan.
from page 109
BONSTELLE TIJEATRE
HILBERRY THEATRE
The Tradition Continues...
ing a time in their week. I am quite
explicit with my clients about inte-
grating sex into their week.
JN: It is interesting to look at fun
from a Jewish perspective. You write
that traditionally Jews are not com-
fortable with fun. They are more
comfortable with learning, earning,
helping, etc. Why is fun so impor-
tant, and how can couples bring
more fun into their lives?
JC: Fun seems so trivial. We have lots
of important things here — saving the
world and so forth. Jewish tradition real-
ly supports that pleasure is part of life.
Ecclesiasti es says there is a time for
war, a time for peace, a time for pleas-
ure, a time for everything. That's really
what the genius of Jewish tradition is
— that we have a time for everything.
We need to plan for fun because if
we leave it to chance, you see how
many couples put it last on the list.
That is another vulnerability of Jewish
couples. In the name of achievement
and of being good parents we can
destroy our relationships, and our chil-
dren do not thank us for doing that.
JN: Do you have any particular sug-
gestions for couples in an interfaith
marriage?
JC: Whatever the reasons for inter-
marriage, research consistently shows
that partners from different religions
are much more likely to divorce. As
with all couples, the way interfaith
couples handle differences in their
relationships is the most critical factor
that predicts how they will get along
in the future.
It helps if you accept that being an
interfaith couple tends to be a more
complex project than a same-faith
marriage, and that you are willing to
do the extra work that is required.
Don't pretend that being Christian
and being Jewish are just two different
flavors of religion and don't blur the
distinctions by talking about Judeo-
Christian commonalties.
Work to understand and to respect
the deeper differences between what it
means to be a Jew and to be
Christian, and then work toward cre-
ating a family faith that you can both
accept. And don't forget that all
choices — whether to practice one
religion, neither or elements of both
means accepting a certain degree
of loss. There seldom are perfect solu-
tions.
JN: What is the secret of the suc-
cess of your 18-year-old marriage?
JC: I think that our marriage has
survived and thrived the hard times
not only because of our commitment
to one another — everyone thinks
they have it at the beginning — but
because of deep connections to family,
friends and community.
Our children have attended Jewish
day schools, we have always been syn-
agogue members, and we make a lot
of effort to spend time with our
extended family,. We have always rec-
ognized that a lasting marriage meant
facing our differences and dealing
with them.
We have made time for our rela-
tionship, even with all the demands of
a two-career, three-child family ,. We
don't rake our relationship for granted
and know that it has to be renewed
and revitalized on a regular basis.
We are planning a weekend away
for the two of us alone to practice
what we preach, to go through all the
Fighting for Your Jewish Marriage exer-
cises as a way to deepen our connec-
tion and commitment.
We're aware of the Jewish tendency
to give too much to the children and
not enough to the marriage, and we
work to make sure that our marriage
— the foundation of our family —
stays strong.
11
VR
G olden Anniversary Season
* Yicasso at the
* The Sons of
',nix Agile
Jacob zutu
by Steve Martin
by Tug Yourgrau
- As Vet) Lil f
ITIT
by William Shakespeare
c
The Miracle Worker
by William Gibson
ek/1,26e€40
C-57
.-e~4tVAIM' 711Gar5V?
by Luigi Pirandello
Dancing AT LuGhnasa
ANTIGONE
by Brian Friel
by Jean Anouilh
0-11 new Over
-The Zuckoo
Cymbeline
by William Shakespeare
by Dale Wasserman
Peegee
by William Inge
The fbe/' Frigrict
ae Oyer
book, music & lyrics by Sandy Wilson
by Aphra Behn
CALL (313) 577-2972
www.theatre.wayne.edu
* Contains Adult Situations or Language.
IMOSIOV
„
JN: How has your practice changed
through the years?
JC: I have been interested in marriage
and cross-cultural marriage and Jewish
identity issues for a number of years.
Being involved with PREP and being
able to integrate my knowledge of
Jewish identity and community and
interfaith issues with a program that
has been developed over 20 years
that's based on real research has been
very exciting. It's just not another
psychologist saying, "I think."
JN: What is the best advice you can
give to newlyweds?
JC: Take a PREP course. They are
offered all around the country.
JN: Is there any final message you
would like to give our readers?
JC: Yes. It's never too late to deepen a
relationship. D
GRILL
Extraordinary Seafood
• Black Sea Bass
• Flounder Stuffed with
Crabmeat
• Eastern Halibut
• Whole Maine Lobster
• Soft Shell Crabs
• And dozens of other
seafood and grill choices
/ OFF YOUR TOTAL BILL
/0 WITH THIS AO
VALID MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY EVENINGS
DOMES 10/27/D0
Reservations
248-644-5330
Experience the Difference
00E155 Southfield Rd, at
S ou'ItVI I czi
For more information on PREP,
call 1-800-366-0166 . , or b the
Web site at www. P REP i nc. co m.
For more information about
Jewish and interfaith workshops,
trainings and lectures, call (415)
456-1166, or go to the Web site
at wwwjewishcouples.com .
:777777:7777
r
10 Mile Rd.
1 /2 OFF
Any Menu Item
when a 2nd menu item of equal or greater value is purchased
L
Not good with any other otter Expires December 31. 2000
Valid Anytime • Dine in Only
6745 ORCHARD LAKE RD.
A crossfrom Americana West
(248) 737-7242
yei, am,
4i7*