WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY Marriage Matters LOVE thuan. from page 109 BONSTELLE TIJEATRE HILBERRY THEATRE The Tradition Continues... ing a time in their week. I am quite explicit with my clients about inte- grating sex into their week. JN: It is interesting to look at fun from a Jewish perspective. You write that traditionally Jews are not com- fortable with fun. They are more comfortable with learning, earning, helping, etc. Why is fun so impor- tant, and how can couples bring more fun into their lives? JC: Fun seems so trivial. We have lots of important things here — saving the world and so forth. Jewish tradition real- ly supports that pleasure is part of life. Ecclesiasti es says there is a time for war, a time for peace, a time for pleas- ure, a time for everything. That's really what the genius of Jewish tradition is — that we have a time for everything. We need to plan for fun because if we leave it to chance, you see how many couples put it last on the list. That is another vulnerability of Jewish couples. In the name of achievement and of being good parents we can destroy our relationships, and our chil- dren do not thank us for doing that. JN: Do you have any particular sug- gestions for couples in an interfaith marriage? JC: Whatever the reasons for inter- marriage, research consistently shows that partners from different religions are much more likely to divorce. As with all couples, the way interfaith couples handle differences in their relationships is the most critical factor that predicts how they will get along in the future. It helps if you accept that being an interfaith couple tends to be a more complex project than a same-faith marriage, and that you are willing to do the extra work that is required. Don't pretend that being Christian and being Jewish are just two different flavors of religion and don't blur the distinctions by talking about Judeo- Christian commonalties. Work to understand and to respect the deeper differences between what it means to be a Jew and to be Christian, and then work toward cre- ating a family faith that you can both accept. And don't forget that all choices — whether to practice one religion, neither or elements of both means accepting a certain degree of loss. There seldom are perfect solu- tions. JN: What is the secret of the suc- cess of your 18-year-old marriage? JC: I think that our marriage has survived and thrived the hard times not only because of our commitment to one another — everyone thinks they have it at the beginning — but because of deep connections to family, friends and community. Our children have attended Jewish day schools, we have always been syn- agogue members, and we make a lot of effort to spend time with our extended family,. We have always rec- ognized that a lasting marriage meant facing our differences and dealing with them. We have made time for our rela- tionship, even with all the demands of a two-career, three-child family ,. We don't rake our relationship for granted and know that it has to be renewed and revitalized on a regular basis. We are planning a weekend away for the two of us alone to practice what we preach, to go through all the Fighting for Your Jewish Marriage exer- cises as a way to deepen our connec- tion and commitment. We're aware of the Jewish tendency to give too much to the children and not enough to the marriage, and we work to make sure that our marriage — the foundation of our family — stays strong. 11 VR G olden Anniversary Season * Yicasso at the * The Sons of ',nix Agile Jacob zutu by Steve Martin by Tug Yourgrau - As Vet) Lil f ITIT by William Shakespeare c The Miracle Worker by William Gibson ek/1,26e€40 C-57 .-e~4tVAIM' 711Gar5V? by Luigi Pirandello Dancing AT LuGhnasa ANTIGONE by Brian Friel by Jean Anouilh 0-11 new Over -The Zuckoo Cymbeline by William Shakespeare by Dale Wasserman Peegee by William Inge The fbe/' Frigrict ae Oyer book, music & lyrics by Sandy Wilson by Aphra Behn CALL (313) 577-2972 www.theatre.wayne.edu * Contains Adult Situations or Language. IMOSIOV „ JN: How has your practice changed through the years? JC: I have been interested in marriage and cross-cultural marriage and Jewish identity issues for a number of years. Being involved with PREP and being able to integrate my knowledge of Jewish identity and community and interfaith issues with a program that has been developed over 20 years that's based on real research has been very exciting. It's just not another psychologist saying, "I think." JN: What is the best advice you can give to newlyweds? JC: Take a PREP course. They are offered all around the country. JN: Is there any final message you would like to give our readers? JC: Yes. It's never too late to deepen a relationship. D GRILL Extraordinary Seafood • Black Sea Bass • Flounder Stuffed with Crabmeat • Eastern Halibut • Whole Maine Lobster • Soft Shell Crabs • And dozens of other seafood and grill choices / OFF YOUR TOTAL BILL /0 WITH THIS AO VALID MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY EVENINGS DOMES 10/27/D0 Reservations 248-644-5330 Experience the Difference 00E155 Southfield Rd, at S ou'ItVI I czi For more information on PREP, call 1-800-366-0166 . , or b the Web site at www. P REP i nc. co m. For more information about Jewish and interfaith workshops, trainings and lectures, call (415) 456-1166, or go to the Web site at wwwjewishcouples.com . :777777:7777 r 10 Mile Rd. 1 /2 OFF Any Menu Item when a 2nd menu item of equal or greater value is purchased L Not good with any other otter Expires December 31. 2000 Valid Anytime • Dine in Only 6745 ORCHARD LAKE RD. A crossfrom Americana West (248) 737-7242 yei, am, 4i7*