because they just wanted to be heard.
Research shows that men benefit
more from these programs and benefit
longer. We have more to learn. One
of the great things about the program
is that because it's not therapy, men
are often much more amenable to
coming. Because it is time limited,
inexpensive, skills-oriented and practi-
cal, there are a lot of men who are
more open to participate. It doesn't
require that they define themselves as
patients.
Are you 55+? If so, join Casino Windsor's'
Friday 55+ Club!
Every Friday from October 6 through December 1, 2000, from
6 a.m. to 10 a.m., Friday 55+ Club members are invited to join us for
a morning of great fun.
Club members are eligible for great perks such as:
• FREE enrolment gift when you sign up in the Friday 55+ Club
• Complimentary muffin or danish and coffee or tea each Friday
"Fighting right" is a great way to
JN: As we approach the High Holy
Days, many of us begin to focus on
atonement and forgiveness. Could
you expound on the importance of
these in a marriage?
JC: Rabbi Schulweis says that we all
sin against each other. There is
nobody who can hurt us as much as
the people who mean the most to us.
And Yom Kippur is a powerful time
to look at those things we can't let go
.of. First to acknowledge our less than
"perfectness." That is the function of
Yom Kippur. And then to use our
own self-examination as a lever to
start forgiving ourselves, and looking
at where we have been hurtful
through action and inaction.
If we take Yom Kippur seriously, it
could be the biggest marriage saver of
them all.
JN: You write that in Jewish tradi-
tion it is clear that both women's
and men's sexual pleasure is crucial
to a successful marriage. What are
some things couples can do to
strengthen their sexual relationship?
JC: I love this quote: "When we
go to heaven we will be accountable
for every pleasure that we did not
partake of on earth."
Sex in a long-term relationship
often takes nurturing and attention
and then when you put it in a
Jewish context, Jewish tradition real-
ly sees sexuality as a good and
important part of marriage. [Jewish
law] talks about a man's obligation
to satisfy the woman. Mishna says
that a wife has the right to prevent
her husband from changing his work
if it means she would be sexually
deprived.
The big thing is Shabbat. Just
think if we were to take it more seri-
ously – if we were to create the space
where we really had a time away from
time and if we saw it as a time where
sexuality was a holy ritual. We would
have a lot less divorce. Even with my
Christian patients, I talk about creat-
LovE
on page 113
improve your relationship. Here
• FREE slot handle pull for your chance to win the jackpot each Friday
• Discounted hotel room rate of $109 Cdn.*
are some other skills that can
• 10% discount at the Skyline Gifts & Cigar Shop** any
time during the promotion
enhance your partnership. Just
• A chance to win in one of our weekly prize draws
like riding a bike or driving a
Membership is FREE, so join today! To join or for more
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car, these skills can be learned. A
good relationship is not just
about having the right partner, it
is about being the right partner.
1. Listen with your whole heart.
Listen to understand, not to fix.
2. Look for the good in your part-
ner rather than the faults. Be each
other's cheerleader.
3. Take time for intimacy This
does not mean just sexual intima-
cy but also hugging, holding
hands, cuddling. This will keep
the romance alive.
4. Maintain your own identity.
You won't need your partner to
make you whole.
5. Don't be fixated on being right.
Instead, find ways to work out
your conflict.
6. Work at being a team. This
means that your partner's health,
happiness and well being are as
important to you as your own.
7. Be aware of your expectations and
evaluate whether they are helpful to
your marriage. Unrealistic expecta-
tions often cause many problems.
8. Look for caring ways to show
your love to your partner: flowers, a
backrub, a love letter, a favorite food.
9. Find a way to build fun activi-
ties into every week. Fun provides
couples with a great way to con-
nect and increase intimacy. And
don't forget about laughter.
10. If your partner has hurt you,
practice forgiveness. All of us are
only human and prone to human
error. Know that although it takes
time, relationships can be healed.
CASINO
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INDSOR
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* 5109 price is based on double occupancy, cityview rooms, valid Sunday - Thursday, taxes extra. Additional person rate 520. Rate not valid on group arrivals. Prices
may change without notice, rooms subject to availability. Must be I 9 years of age or older. @Registered in the U.S. only
Friday 55+ Club sticker to qualify for discounts.
— Must present Players Prestige@ card with
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