because they just wanted to be heard. Research shows that men benefit more from these programs and benefit longer. We have more to learn. One of the great things about the program is that because it's not therapy, men are often much more amenable to coming. Because it is time limited, inexpensive, skills-oriented and practi- cal, there are a lot of men who are more open to participate. It doesn't require that they define themselves as patients. Are you 55+? If so, join Casino Windsor's' Friday 55+ Club! Every Friday from October 6 through December 1, 2000, from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m., Friday 55+ Club members are invited to join us for a morning of great fun. Club members are eligible for great perks such as: • FREE enrolment gift when you sign up in the Friday 55+ Club • Complimentary muffin or danish and coffee or tea each Friday "Fighting right" is a great way to JN: As we approach the High Holy Days, many of us begin to focus on atonement and forgiveness. Could you expound on the importance of these in a marriage? JC: Rabbi Schulweis says that we all sin against each other. There is nobody who can hurt us as much as the people who mean the most to us. And Yom Kippur is a powerful time to look at those things we can't let go .of. First to acknowledge our less than "perfectness." That is the function of Yom Kippur. And then to use our own self-examination as a lever to start forgiving ourselves, and looking at where we have been hurtful through action and inaction. If we take Yom Kippur seriously, it could be the biggest marriage saver of them all. JN: You write that in Jewish tradi- tion it is clear that both women's and men's sexual pleasure is crucial to a successful marriage. What are some things couples can do to strengthen their sexual relationship? JC: I love this quote: "When we go to heaven we will be accountable for every pleasure that we did not partake of on earth." Sex in a long-term relationship often takes nurturing and attention and then when you put it in a Jewish context, Jewish tradition real- ly sees sexuality as a good and important part of marriage. [Jewish law] talks about a man's obligation to satisfy the woman. Mishna says that a wife has the right to prevent her husband from changing his work if it means she would be sexually deprived. The big thing is Shabbat. Just think if we were to take it more seri- ously – if we were to create the space where we really had a time away from time and if we saw it as a time where sexuality was a holy ritual. We would have a lot less divorce. Even with my Christian patients, I talk about creat- LovE on page 113 improve your relationship. Here • FREE slot handle pull for your chance to win the jackpot each Friday • Discounted hotel room rate of $109 Cdn.* are some other skills that can • 10% discount at the Skyline Gifts & Cigar Shop** any time during the promotion enhance your partnership. Just • A chance to win in one of our weekly prize draws like riding a bike or driving a Membership is FREE, so join today! To join or for more information, please stop by one of our Players Prestige® Booths or call 1-800-991-7777. car, these skills can be learned. A good relationship is not just about having the right partner, it is about being the right partner. 1. Listen with your whole heart. Listen to understand, not to fix. 2. Look for the good in your part- ner rather than the faults. Be each other's cheerleader. 3. Take time for intimacy This does not mean just sexual intima- cy but also hugging, holding hands, cuddling. This will keep the romance alive. 4. Maintain your own identity. You won't need your partner to make you whole. 5. Don't be fixated on being right. Instead, find ways to work out your conflict. 6. Work at being a team. This means that your partner's health, happiness and well being are as important to you as your own. 7. Be aware of your expectations and evaluate whether they are helpful to your marriage. Unrealistic expecta- tions often cause many problems. 8. Look for caring ways to show your love to your partner: flowers, a backrub, a love letter, a favorite food. 9. Find a way to build fun activi- ties into every week. Fun provides couples with a great way to con- nect and increase intimacy. And don't forget about laughter. 10. If your partner has hurt you, practice forgiveness. All of us are only human and prone to human error. Know that although it takes time, relationships can be healed. CASINO y INDSOR -7==>/aco___ ou (/ * 5109 price is based on double occupancy, cityview rooms, valid Sunday - Thursday, taxes extra. Additional person rate 520. Rate not valid on group arrivals. Prices may change without notice, rooms subject to availability. 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