1490
Mails
The BiG Story
6235 Orchard Lake Rd • Next to Orchard Mall
Fall Specials
Featuring:
Healthy, Hydro-Spa
Whirlpool Pedicure!
Acrylic Fill-in (r" 5 1 8)
5
Full-set (r" '28)
5 25
Pedicure Only
( r"
16
5 25
$28)
5
Manicure (r" $12)
10
Manicure/Pedicure (r" $40)
'33
Pedicure/Fill-in (f" $46)
$41
Call for an appointment:
248-538-0948
walk-ins welcome • bring in ad for discount
Murray & Marc
Classic
photography
350-2420
APPLEGATE SQUARE
ARNOLD
LINCOLN-MERCURY-MAZDA
Drive East Pay The Least
x
/
PASSION FOR THE ROADTM
..1
LINCOLN
Mercury
GIL PRATT
Leasing Manager
Your West Side Specialist
(810) 445-6000
Gratiot Ave. at 12 Mile Road
Roseville, MI 48066
Fax (810) 771-7340
DETROIT
JEWISH NEWS
CLASSIFIEDS
GET
RESULTS!
Call
10/29
1999
122 Detroit Jewish News
(248)354-5959
represented the essence of stability.
It was very much a traditional house
with blue walls, dosed blinds and
a living room that "smelled of elec-
tric heat and boiled chicken and
week-old fruit slowly going soft in a
large wooden bowl."
Yet the woman who lived there
was anything but static or pre-
dictable. She was "colorful, opin-
ionated, ubiquitous, stubborn, lov-
ing, patient, devoted, intelligent,
intrusive, funny, tragic, uncontrol-
lably obsessive, wildly superstitious,
and capable of both astonishing
acts of compassion and unpre-
dictable fits of rage."
For many years, the author says,
she rarely really thought about her
grandmother, who was just there,
much like the girl's swing set or
lunch. But then as she became
older, it was actually the distance
between them, the realization that
she would never experience her
grandmother the way she did her
mother, that drove Edelman to write
a book.
Mother of My Mother is the story
of Edelman's relationship with her
own mother and grandmother, but
includes many reflections from other
women shaped by their grandmoth-
ers.
Some of these stories are tender,
focusing on loving, supportive
grandparents.
"I just thank God that my grand-
mother had a place in my life,"
writes one woman, who was physi-
cally and emotionally abused by
her parents. "I do believe I'd be
institutionalized if I didn't have her
in my upbringing."
Another states, "I would go to my
grandmother instead of to my moth-
er about the personal events in my
life. I would tell her about the things
I was going through at school,
about puberty and boys."
Other stories are distinctly trou-
bling, such as the account by a
woman named Helen, who at 4
accidentally ripped a dress her
grandmother had made.
Her mother threatened, "Just wait
until I tell your grandmother," who
sat stone-faced, unforgiving, when
she saw what Helen had done.
Edelman says that the relationship
with one's grandmother is critical to
d child's emotional security; it can
complement parental love, or serve
as the only real stability in a child's
life. She recounts one story of a
teenager whose angry mother sim-
ply walked away as the two stood
in an international airport. Fortunate-
ly, the grandmother was nearby
and as the granddaughter consid-
ered this, she literally said, "Thank
God for my grandmother."
In her book, Edelman describes
four types of grandmother:
The Gentle Giant: A behind-the-
scenes powerhouse who is always
spoken of with respect and admira-
tion.
The Benevolent Manipulator: The
meddler, the know-it-all who is full
of sage advice (just ask her —
she'll tell you how right she is) and
never hesitates to dispense it. Yet
she's also loyal and devoted.
The Autocrat: This is the grand-
mother whose very name translates
to fear. She has power and rules
over the entire family.
The Kinkeeper: The woman who
maintains the family traditions.
Everyone gathers at her home for
the holidays and looks to her for
wisdom.
And how does Edelman define
her own grandmother? After her
lengthy research for this book, what
has she learned about her grand-
mother as a Gentle Giant or Benev-
olent Manipulator, Autocrat or Kin-
keeper?
Above all, Edelman has discov-
ered that her grandmother was
always ... more complicated than
she seemed. Whenever I felt I'd
finally gotten a handle on her, just
when I'd finally convinced myself
that she was either mentally intact
or not, she'd go and act in a man-
"
ner so diametrically opposed that it
would call all of her prior behaviors
— and my powers of evaluation =-
into question."
As the book comes to a close,
Edelman sits with her grandmother
whose mental faculties have lapsed.
Yet in a moment of mental lucidity,
the elder woman confesses that
she's afraid of dying. The author
answers, "I'm afraid of dying, too."
And then Edelman offers a lov-
ing gift, "the only meaningful gift I
can think of to give." As she takes
her grandmother's hand, she slow-
ly, lovingly, tells her the story of a
woman who once worked as a
legal secretary, then met her
future husband at the Catskills,
honeymooned in Cuba and had
a granddaughter named Hope. It
is the story of her grandmother's
life.
Edelman writes, "I think, perhaps,
this is what it all comes down to:
those few precious memories and a
hand to hold at the end."
Hope Edelman holds a master's
degree in creative nonfiction
from the University of Iowa and
a bachelor's degree in journal-
ism from Northwestern Universi-
ty. Edelman's articles have
appeared in numerous maga-
zines, and her first book in
1994, Motherless Daughters:
The Legacy of Loss, spent 38
weeks on the New York Times
best-seller list. She lives in Los
Angeles with her husband and
daughter.
I-ope Edelman will speak at the
Jewish Book Fair 6:30 p.m.
Thursday, Nov. 11, at the D.
Dan & Betty Kahn Building of
the Jewish Community Center in
West Bloomfield, co-sponsored
by Commission on Jewish Elder-
care Services (CODES) and
LeVine Institute on Aging.