Third Wheel
My friend's friend in need ... can be a pain.
DAVID KUSHNER
t some point down the off-
roads of life, every guy
becomes a third wheel. One
day, we're rolling with our
best bud, the next, we're like Roger
Healy trailing after Major Nelson and
Jeannie.
What I never expected was to be
spinning the big bad tricycle with my
girlfriends. Women always have other
women in their lives — namely, their
friends.
Once a guy is dating a woman for a
while, her friends will start treating
him like one of the girls: divulging
intimacies and details they would
never tell him about if he was on the
prowl.
At worst, however, it's a much
bumpier ride. When you're with your
friends, you might merely see us going
about our usual routines but, in fact,
we're in the grips of an emotional
head lock.
a pouty, bohemian babe buried in a
copy of No One Here Gets Out Alive.
After a few awkwardly gratuitous
remarks about the, um, depths of Jim
Morrison's poetry, I asked her out.
And, fortunately, she accepted.
The next weekend, I made reser-
vations at a killer sushi place, then
showed up to meet her at her house.
With a quick peck on the cheek, she
started parading me around to meet
all her friends. This wouldn't have
been suspicious, I suppose, if we
ended up leaving. Instead, we hung
out there the whole night, eating
leftover tuna casserole with her
roomies.
Clearly, she needed her friends'
approval. Either that or she just
wanted to see how I would fit in.
This kind of "show and tell" game is
about the worst thing to subject a
guy to. If you can't make up your
own mind, then do us a favor: hide a
video camera in your purse and tape
our date for a screening when you
get back.
We Feel Judged
We Feel Neglected
One Saturday, I was coming back
from work on the subway when I saw
Another time, I dated a law student
who didn't need her friend's approval,
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We Feel Competitive
Eventually, I moved in with a girl-
friend, but kept coming home to find
her childhood pal there. They would
be braiding each other's hair or giving
simultaneous foot massages.
I was clearly out of the loop, even
when it came to their bonding rituals.
When they greeted each other, they'd
rub their heads together and emit
shrilling sounds. She never rubbed her
head against mine. She said it was
simply "a kiddie thing." I didn't care if
it was an alien thing and, hey, I said, I
wanted a little of it, too.
We ended up having a solid night
of bonding. Even though she shared a
past with her friend, she needed me to
help create the future.
Since then, we've learned to carve
out quality time and boundaries.
Three has become more company
than a crowd. Her friends don't drop
by at inopportune times and I don't
mind occasionally saving an extra seat
at the movies.
I realized they could become the
sisters I never had. Even better, they
let me get off the hook. Without
them, I'd never have time to myself at
all. ❑
7SEREPIREEREGETRESIBERBTSWEISMIN7
AUGUST
Aug. 2-9
she needed her company — all the
time. Even the sound of her friend's
voice triggered a Pavlovian response.
Once, her friend called at an inoppor-
tune time. If she answers that, I
thought, it's over.
Fortunately, she didn't pick up. But
as her friend came on the answering
machine, she listened. We'd make
plans to meet at a bar and when I'd
get there, they'd be sharing a Fuzzy
Navel. When I asked what was going
on, she got really defensive and said
she felt sorry for her friend. "She's all
alone, what was I supposed to do,
leave her at home?"
"Well, yes," I gasped. "Or maybe I
should drag my friend Sparky off the
couch and we can double date!"
She said she was just being sympa-
thetic to a friend in need: "If you were
a woman, you'd understand." Of
course, I'm not and I don't.
The problem is women seem to
have bought a little too deeply into
the male stereotype. They worry more
about their friend's feelings, maybe,
because they don't think we have any
of our own. Big mistake. Don't forget
that while you might avoid neglecting
your friends, you could end up
neglecting us.
-
SEPTEMBER
Sept. 1-8, 1441
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