q.0
Guy's Eye View
The Last Single Guy sets an example,
provides a catharsis,
and an I-don't-want-to-be-that-again-ever for married men,
and those just contemplating the big I Do.
DAVID KUSHNER
Special to The Jewish News
I
'm in my late 20s, so most of
my friends are either married
or engaged. Except for one
guy. The Last Single Guy.
Let's hope he stays that way. With-
out him, none of us on the other
side would have anyone through
whom we can vicariously relive our
wild, woolly nights.
When we were all younger and
unattached, The Last Single Guy
was our designated frontman: the
smooth satellite we'd launch when-
ever we saw a crowd of potentially
interesting women.
Every group of guys needs a
frontman who can break the ice
without turning it into a Slurpee.
The rest of us could hardly approach
a woman without spilling several
drinks along the way. We needed
someone with tact, chutzpah and,
most of all, balance.
David Kushner writes for publications
including Spin, Mademoiselle and
Entertainment Weekly.
Of course, anyone who possessed
these skills rarely left a bar alone.
It's not like TLSG was Brad Pitt or
anything; he just had this certain
confidence and ease that most other
guys lacked. No matter how much
we envied him, we always wanted
to hear his stories. We didn't care
what kind of stories they were as
long as they were
detailed and, hope-
fully, long.
Spilling the
beans was a guy
thing, a ritual that
began in junior
high. There was no
such thing as priva-
cy or discretion.
One guy's experi-
ence was every guy's
experience.
Occasionally, there'd be a front-
man who wouldn't talk. To girls, he
was a nice guy; to us, he was a self-
ish jerk. The nerve — hadn't he seen
that part in Grease when John Tra-
volta and Olivia Newton John sing
"Summer Lovin'''? Didn't he know
that we deserved the same respect as
Travolta's hoodlums? After all, we
told him our stories — if and when
we had them.
Then again, there were times
when even the most dedicated of
us would clam up. One time in high
school, my friend Mike showed up
at my house after a week of being
basically AWOL. We all had an idea
what he had been
up to. He met this
girl who was work-
ing the Hot Butter-
scotch dispenser at
Dairy Queen.
Within a few
hours, they were
down at the beach,
sharing a six-pack
and who knows
what else. Mike
wouldn't tell. And
that's when we knew he had the love
bug.
When guys have the love bug, •
they don't talk, they just float
around in a warm glaze with a little
smile on their faces. The great thing
about TLSG was that he was glaze-
free.
Once we started getting into our
own relationships, we wanted to
hear his stories even more. If we
wanted to know what we were miss-
ing, all we had to do was call him.
Unfortunately, we usually got what
we wanted: sordid tales of all-night
escapades. Pretty soon, we started to
realize that we'd rather hear him be
miserable. The deeper we fell for our
girlfriends, the more we wanted to
know that the grass wasn't any
greener on the other side, but that it
was strewn with weeds and sand
spurs. And even if TLSG was hook-
ing up with some double-jointed
masseuse named Candy, there was
no way he could really be content.
Right?
Now that the rest of us are talking
about honeymoons, mortgages and
flatware, TLSG is considering charg-
ing us a fee. He says he's sick of our
questions and that we're starting to
act like a bunch of pathetic, monog-
amous, married men.
So what, we said — we are a
bunch of pathetic monogamous
married men. But at least we're
happy. EJ
Sunday, March 29
Monday, April 6
Passover The four questions in the
Talmud. 7 p.m. At Borders Books &
Music, Farmington Hills, Discussion
with Rabbi Michele Faudern. Nancy
Kaplan, (248) 737-1931.
Information meeting for 1998 UJA
summer singles mission to Israel, July
8-19, singles 25-40. 7 p.m. At Moose-
jaw Mountaineering, Birmingham.
Mission cost: $1,999 per person. Marc
Berke, (248) 203-1458.
Guys need
a frontman
to break
the ice.
11APPIIIIIIIGS
Friday, march • 27
The real history of the Jews... 12 p.m.
Young Jewish Humanists lunch. Cost:
$5. (248) 477-1410.
Saturday, March 28
Havdalah celebration, sponsored by
the Rekindling Shabbat Young Adult
Task Force. At the home of Scene Edi-
tor Lynne Meredith Cohn. 8:30 p.m.
Jodi Berger, (248) 203-1486.
3/27
1998
78
Dinner and theater with Jewish
Professional Singles. 6 p.m. RSVP
by March 14. Cindy, (248) 542-
9166.
Euchre tournament, B'nai B'rith
Leadership Network. 8 p.m. At
34588 Bunker Hill, Farmington
Hills. Cost: $10 members, $15
non-members. Bring a roll of
quarters. Barb Tunick, (248) 848-
0228.
WednesdaN April 1
J.D. Cohen presents the visionEar pro-
ject. 9 p.m. At Town Pump, 100 W.
Montcalm, Detroit. (313) 961-1921.
Hillel of Metro Detroit Coffeehouse
Night. 9 p.m. At Lonestar Coffee Co.,
207 S. Woodward, Birmingham. (313)
577-3459.