q.0 Guy's Eye View The Last Single Guy sets an example, provides a catharsis, and an I-don't-want-to-be-that-again-ever for married men, and those just contemplating the big I Do. DAVID KUSHNER Special to The Jewish News I 'm in my late 20s, so most of my friends are either married or engaged. Except for one guy. The Last Single Guy. Let's hope he stays that way. With- out him, none of us on the other side would have anyone through whom we can vicariously relive our wild, woolly nights. When we were all younger and unattached, The Last Single Guy was our designated frontman: the smooth satellite we'd launch when- ever we saw a crowd of potentially interesting women. Every group of guys needs a frontman who can break the ice without turning it into a Slurpee. The rest of us could hardly approach a woman without spilling several drinks along the way. We needed someone with tact, chutzpah and, most of all, balance. David Kushner writes for publications including Spin, Mademoiselle and Entertainment Weekly. Of course, anyone who possessed these skills rarely left a bar alone. It's not like TLSG was Brad Pitt or anything; he just had this certain confidence and ease that most other guys lacked. No matter how much we envied him, we always wanted to hear his stories. We didn't care what kind of stories they were as long as they were detailed and, hope- fully, long. Spilling the beans was a guy thing, a ritual that began in junior high. There was no such thing as priva- cy or discretion. One guy's experi- ence was every guy's experience. Occasionally, there'd be a front- man who wouldn't talk. To girls, he was a nice guy; to us, he was a self- ish jerk. The nerve — hadn't he seen that part in Grease when John Tra- volta and Olivia Newton John sing "Summer Lovin'''? Didn't he know that we deserved the same respect as Travolta's hoodlums? After all, we told him our stories — if and when we had them. Then again, there were times when even the most dedicated of us would clam up. One time in high school, my friend Mike showed up at my house after a week of being basically AWOL. We all had an idea what he had been up to. He met this girl who was work- ing the Hot Butter- scotch dispenser at Dairy Queen. Within a few hours, they were down at the beach, sharing a six-pack and who knows what else. Mike wouldn't tell. And that's when we knew he had the love bug. When guys have the love bug, • they don't talk, they just float around in a warm glaze with a little smile on their faces. The great thing about TLSG was that he was glaze- free. Once we started getting into our own relationships, we wanted to hear his stories even more. If we wanted to know what we were miss- ing, all we had to do was call him. Unfortunately, we usually got what we wanted: sordid tales of all-night escapades. Pretty soon, we started to realize that we'd rather hear him be miserable. The deeper we fell for our girlfriends, the more we wanted to know that the grass wasn't any greener on the other side, but that it was strewn with weeds and sand spurs. And even if TLSG was hook- ing up with some double-jointed masseuse named Candy, there was no way he could really be content. Right? Now that the rest of us are talking about honeymoons, mortgages and flatware, TLSG is considering charg- ing us a fee. He says he's sick of our questions and that we're starting to act like a bunch of pathetic, monog- amous, married men. So what, we said — we are a bunch of pathetic monogamous married men. But at least we're happy. EJ Sunday, March 29 Monday, April 6 Passover The four questions in the Talmud. 7 p.m. At Borders Books & Music, Farmington Hills, Discussion with Rabbi Michele Faudern. Nancy Kaplan, (248) 737-1931. Information meeting for 1998 UJA summer singles mission to Israel, July 8-19, singles 25-40. 7 p.m. At Moose- jaw Mountaineering, Birmingham. Mission cost: $1,999 per person. Marc Berke, (248) 203-1458. Guys need a frontman to break the ice. 11APPIIIIIIIGS Friday, march • 27 The real history of the Jews... 12 p.m. Young Jewish Humanists lunch. Cost: $5. (248) 477-1410. Saturday, March 28 Havdalah celebration, sponsored by the Rekindling Shabbat Young Adult Task Force. At the home of Scene Edi- tor Lynne Meredith Cohn. 8:30 p.m. Jodi Berger, (248) 203-1486. 3/27 1998 78 Dinner and theater with Jewish Professional Singles. 6 p.m. RSVP by March 14. Cindy, (248) 542- 9166. Euchre tournament, B'nai B'rith Leadership Network. 8 p.m. At 34588 Bunker Hill, Farmington Hills. Cost: $10 members, $15 non-members. Bring a roll of quarters. Barb Tunick, (248) 848- 0228. WednesdaN April 1 J.D. Cohen presents the visionEar pro- ject. 9 p.m. At Town Pump, 100 W. Montcalm, Detroit. (313) 961-1921. Hillel of Metro Detroit Coffeehouse Night. 9 p.m. At Lonestar Coffee Co., 207 S. Woodward, Birmingham. (313) 577-3459.