I
Purim Spoof!
Professionally
Single
Maybe the curse is in the name.
MERRY LIN CONE
Rolls Along
T
Clothes, Bee Gees, E
compelling case fo
Belie
ad by World Wide fever
'
Find out the:
JEWISH SECRETS
To Self-Impairment
"How To Prepare For The Married Life "
With Noted Lecturer Rabbi Shlemeil Ironic
April:
May:
June:
Men Who Hate Women And The Jewish Women Who Love Them
What Judaism Says About The Wendy Syndrome
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,
But Torah Study Gives Us A Common Language
Kosher Chicken Soup For The Soul
July:
All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned In The Kollel
August:
September: I'm Okay, You're Okay, So Be My Chevruta
First Tuesday of Every Month
Jewish Community Sanitorium
(Maple/Dreck Campus).
3/13
1998
72
For more information, call Beth Brownapple at 555-9999
hey didn't think their
name would lead to a life
of living alone. In fact,
when the founders of Pro-
fessionally Single Jews settled on a
moniker for their fledgling singles
group, they originally intended mere-
ly to state what they were: Jewish
professionals who happened to be
single.
But the plan backfired. Perhaps
true to the group's name, these Jew-
ish professional singles have made a
career out of being single. And now,
the group is disbanding due to the
nightmare the name has caused.
"We had good intentions," said
group president Susie A. Lone. "But
I think the name prevented people
from joining. We've had no new
members since we formed three years
ago."
A recent event flier stated: "We do
nothing Jewish except meet other
Jews. If you're looking for a non-
kosher scope session with the same
12 people who always attend, join
us!'
The group gets together every
other day, often carpooling together
between restaurants and social events,
including movies centered on the
plight of being single. (In November,
members trekked downtown for a •
screening of Deep Throat Crimson, a
movie about a lonely woman who
meets a man through a personal ad.
After the film, the group practiced
coming up with creative personals to
list in The Jewish Chews.)
"You may not be with someone,
but you can spend hours with other
lonely sad-sack souls, lamenting and
cementing your singlehood," said Jim
Lonelyheart, who was barred from
the group for speaking to The Chews.
Rumor has it that he's starting a
singles group of his own, to be
called: Jews Who Are So Set In Their
Ways It's No Wonder They're Still
Single. First event? A discussion
about how to handle the 82 Jewish
holidays alone. Held at Lonelyheart's
-
house next month, ,he requested that
participants bring a pair of slippers
because he doesn't allow dirty shoes
to touch the linoleum in his front
hall. El
WHAT'S
HAPPENING
The Scene will list events of a
Jewish nature that appeal to
young adults and singles, 20s and
30s.
Tuesday, March 17
UJA sponsored Scoping Session.
7-10 p.m. Bring your own beer
goggles. At the New Woodward
Grill, Bloomfield. Call Marc
Smirk, (248) 555-MEET.
-
Wednesday, March 18
"How to be single and live with
yourself," discussion and dessert.
7:30 p.m. At Megabooks Inc.,
Wixom. Call Joey Cingle, (248)
555-7777.
Frida,y, March 20
Singles Shabbat service. Come
alone. No entry to those in long-
term, serious, loving relation-
ships. 8:30 p.m. At Congrega-
tion Keepern Coming. Sponsored
by all synagogues in the area
and of course, Federation. Call
Sarah Stayput, (248) 555-PRAY
Saturday, March 21
Come meet your match at Power-
hold Gym's first singles scoping
bonanza. Special membership
deals for singles, 21-39, $16 for
four days. Spot a hunk while lift-
ing or on the treadmill. Make sure
to come in trendy workout attire
and with full makeup. Call
Heavyweight Sam, (248) 555-
LIFT.