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ORLANDO FT. MYERS- SARASOTA ST. PETE
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12/20
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7 nts fr
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12/20
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12/27
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12/26 air only
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PUERTO
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12/21
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$589.90 r.t.
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11/7
1997
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religious, potential dates will want to
know. After an evening of flipping
through Rolodexes and taking notes,
the group usually leaves with at least
seven or eight potential "couples;" in
the next few days, each party will be
contacted and offered information.
"Aftei the first date, they touch base
with the mediators and we all decide if
there should be a second date,"
Kanowitz added. And while many
dates yield only a pleasant evening or
two, everyone knows someone who got
engaged or married this way.
In the Orthodox tradition, match-
makers have always been around,"
noted Suri Kops, 39, who hosts events
regularly. "But these groups have only
been around for five years or so."
Kops became involved four months
ago, after attending the Agudath con-
vention and hearing Rabbi Yissocher
Frand discuss the plight of Jewish sin-
gles who feel alienated from a commu-
nity in which family plays such a large
role. She started hosting and attending
matchmaking parties "just for the mitz-
vah of it," and her motivation mirrors
that of many other young married
women on the scene.
"It's like paying God back for hav-
ing found a good husband," said
Kops, a Kew Gardens Hills resident.
"A lot of people are so happy to have
found someone that they're eager to
share the wealth." Kanowitz agreed:
"It's a pure chesed, done out of caring."
While Kanowitz is a relative newcom-
er to the scene, Kops is currently
involved with two different groups;
typically, gatherings take place at least
once a month, sometimes more fre-
quently. "Once you start, it's addic-
tive!" laughs Kops.
At the heart of this movement is
religion. While some groups may try to
find matches for their non-Orthodox
acquaintances, "really, it's not for secu-
lar people," said Strauss. "It's really
specifically for the religious communi-
ty; the secular community has plenty of
other ways of meeting people."
Many religious women feel uncom-
fortable at coed singles parties or bars
and consequently have a harder time
meeting people, according to a single
27-year-old social worker. "It's very
helpful to have these married women
helping us," she said. "There's a defi-
nite need for people like this — more
people should get involved."
One single 34-year-old physician, a
veteran of such set-ups, had a different
perspective. "In general, it's a little bit
better" than traditional dating, he said,
noting that the matchmakers sort
through a lot of relevant information
in advance. Even he casts a cynical eye.
"I don't know how effective it is," he
said. "I think they do a lot of talking."
The growth of this trend — to at
least five or six groups in the Kew
Gardens Hills area, with more spring-
ing up — reflects an increasingly busy
world in which priorities are expand-
ing, especially for women. "So many
more women are into their careers
these days that they're not as desperate
to get married," Kops noted. "These
girls have so much going for them that
they want a guy who has as much as
they do. You have to be worldly, as well
as deeply religious."
But Kops and others noted that the
new focus on careers leads many
women to postpone marriage into their
late 20s .and 30s, when it becomes
more difficult to find available men.
"By age 32, 33, especially over 35, it's
much harder to set them up," she says,
adding that many men won't date a
woman over 35 because they want to
have children. "It can be heartbreak-
ing," said Strauss of this situation.
One young married woman became
involved in matchmaking after a num-
ber of single friends expressed their
frustration at feeling out of place in a
community of families. "I felt an oblig-
ation to help them," she said, noting
that she sent out flyers to find other
women with single connections. Many
of the groups start this way, with a few
women getting together to discuss sin-
gle friends.
One young single, who wishes to
remain anonymous, feels that singles
themselves can play a larger role in
matchmaking. She often attends meet-
ings, sharing her knowledge of
acquaintances; one of her closest
friends got married through a match-
making group.
In many ways, she and the other
matchmakers represent a wholehearted
effort on the part of a community to
strengthen itself, bringing people
together and helping out those less for-
tunate.
"From a religious point of view, it
has to do with luck," she said. "Some
people have more luck than others,
especially in dating. A lot of the girls I
know are really wonderful individuals,
but they just have less luck; it's a ques-
tion of who you know and who knows
you."
She paused and added: "In the secu-
lar world, these girls would not have
problems." ❑
— New York Jewish Week
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