•
•
going to run out of options," she said.
All of the single Jewish women
' how to parent, especially when the
She began the process, with the
JVS's Krystal has encountered have
; going gets rough.
help
of the Michigan Association of
adopted
internationally.
With
increas-
"I want to do everything right, to
Single Adoptive Parents, 11 months
ingly open adoptions in the United
give Sophie the best chance she can
before Gabriela was born. Five months
States — the birth mother often meets
..lave," she said..
after her birth, Hughes was in
prospective adoptive parents — it is
And for both women, Stars of
Guatemala waiting for a court date. In
more difficult to place children with
David provides a social outlet for
all, it took five days. She had Gabriela
single parents.
them and for their children.
A single adoptive mother
who asked not to be identi-
fied because she hasn't yet
picked up her baby from
Russia — a 2-year-old girl
f rom Stavropol — said Stars
• Of David has been a great
help to her.
"One of the women in the
group offered to be my men-
tor. The really great thing
about this group is there are
people willing to hold your
hand, guide you, which
makes the ups and downs eas-
j.er," said the 42-year-old
social worker.
Adoption is her only
option. At 36, she got mar-
ried and learned she could
not conceive. After spending
thousands of dollars on fertili-
ty treatments, she gave up.
And she got divorced.
"I went through a year of
-grieving and basically adjust-
' ing to the fact that I couldn't
bear children, and I had to go
through that before I could
N even consider adoption.
"The bottom line was, I
wanted to be a mother. My
Sheila Hughes was a maverick: She adopted Gabriela 10 years ago.
options were childlessness or
motherhood through adop-
converted to Judaism when she was 2.
"Birth mothers want the best possi-
tion," she said.
Hughes' parents, who did not live
ble situation for parenting for their
At the age of 30, when she was liv-
in the area and are now deceased,
children, so they see it as placing their
ing an unattached life in Israel, she
loved Gabriela from the start,
child with two parents, because if they
considered having a child out of wed-
although Hughes' mother was worried
could
raise
a
child,
they
would
keep
lock. But after reading about the out-
about her daughter raising a child
that
child
themselves,"
she
said.
comes of children raised in single-par-
alone and working full-time.
Jewish girls who get pregnant often
ent homes and considering her own
"But you do it and they see that
abort, and non-Jews often prefer non-
financial status, she nixed the idea.
you can do it and they get attached to
Jewish parents when putting up their
"Truthfully, I have never supported
her," Hughes said.
children for adoption, Krystal added.
single motherhood for the sake of
It hasn't always been easy to man-
Sheila Hughes, a veteran single
motherhood. I've always supported
age
a job and raise a child, she
adoptive
mother,
said
the
Guatemalan
\--i/che traditional family," she said. "But
acknowledged.
But Gabriela's school
courts
that
approved
her
adoption
of
now, in my 40s, I still want to be a
has always had a latchkey program,
Gabriela 10 years ago liked that she
mother and I will go ahead and have a
and as she gets older, Gabriela needs
was older.
child with the hope I will be able to
less supervision. She comes home and
"In the Latin countries, they're
meet somebody else and make it a tra-
N..
does her homework, Hughes said.
almost happier," said the Dearborn
ditional family."
But having family around would
attorney, who remains single. "Either
If not? "I'll be fine with my child
have
also smoothed the way, she
they see a maturity or see you're not
and the child will know she's got
admitted.
•
going
to
have
biological
children."
grandparents, cousins, aunts and
"When
you're
an old lady and you
Hughes,
a
member
of
Congregation
uncles, but there's no daddy," she said.
adopt, your parents don't hang around
T'Chiya, was 45 when she decided to
'Because she works full-time, her
as long as you would like. That's been
become a mother. "The reality hit me
mother will take care of the child until
a regret," she said.
that I better do something or I was
the child is ready for pre-school.
,
But their shul, T'Chiya, has been a
source of grandmothers — Gabriela has
"adopted" a few herself, Hughes said.
"They're just so nice, and I guess
they make a good grandma or grand-
pa," Gabriela said. But her mother,
she said, is the "nicest mom."
Another Jewish woman, who asked
for anonymity because some
of her family does not know
she is adopting, has already
addressed a major issue:
work. She plans to take off
three to five years after she
picks up her daughter in
China — most likely next
spring.
Like Hughes, she will be 45
when she becomes a mother.
And like all her counterparts,
she does not want to forego
motherhood just because she
hasn't found a mate.
Like Lawrence, she will
adopt a child who has been
abandoned — a story all too
common in a country where
birth rates are regulated.
But she is an adoptee herself,
a factor that played into her
decision.
"I didn't do donor insemina-
tion because I had this other
option [to adopt as a single
women], and maybe because
I was adopted. Once I got
involved with Families With
Children from China and
saw all these beautiful
Chinese kids, I bonded
instantly," she said.
She has wondered whether
she is "depriving the child of a tradi-
tional family" by going it alone, but
the concern has faded.
"Single mothers by choice have
found that children are just as secure
and thriving as two-parent families,
and once I did a lot of reading about
that, that issue went away. This child
is really wanted." El
at (248) ' , 7, 8&2202',.
10/10
1997
63