Creation, Revelation,
Redemption LOVE!
with Jewish Professional Singles and
the Agency for Jewish Education.
1:30-3:30 p.m. At the Maple/Drake
JCC. Call Rabbi Debra Cohen, (248)
354-1050.
Handling singlehood around the
High Holidays, with Jewish
Professional Singles. 7 p.m. At the
Agency for Jewish Education, 21550
W. 12 Mile Road in Southfield. Call
Cynthia Leven, (248) 542-9166.
Cost: $5.
Playwright Tony Kushner at the
Power Center. 7:30 p.m. Cost: $8.
Tickets available from the University
of Michigan Hillel and Ticketmaster.
Presented by the Celebration of
Jewish Arts/Great Writers Series. Call
(313) 769-0500.
Tuesday, Sept. 30
YAD bar night, ages 21-35. 8:30
p.m. At the Old Woodward Grill in
Birmingham. Sponsored by the
Jewish Federation's Young Adult
Division. Call Marc Berke, (248)
203-1458.
Sunday, Oct. 5
Bring In 'Da Noise, Bring In 'Da
Funk, the fifth annual JARC young
adult pre-glow. Cocktails and hors
d'oeuvres, 5:30-7 p.m., at Pegasus.
Curtain up at 7:30 p.m., Fisher
Theatre. Call JARC, (248) 352-5272.
Monday, Oct. 6
Still single after all these years.
7:30-9:30 p.m. For women beyond
their 20s, discussion about the issues
of never being married, addressing
realistic conditions for dating and
defensive patterns that can sabotage
healthy relationships. At the
Birmingham Community House.
Cost: $22. Call (248) 644-5832.
Hillel of Metro Detroit Coffee
House Night. 9 p.m. At Lonestar
Coffee Co., 207 S. Woodward in
Birmingham. Call (313) 577-3459.
Tuesday, Oct. 7
How to become well-respected,
lecture by Rabbi Shmuel Irons, part
of the series, Jewish Secrets to Self
Improvement. Followed by a recep-
tion for singles. Free lecture at 7:30
p.m. Reception cost: $5. RSVP to
Lorraine, (248) 661-7649.
RABBI PAUL M. YEDWAB
Special to the Jewish News
S
uch is the sound of the heart-
beat of the Jewish people:
Creation, revelation, redemp-
tion. It is the rhythm of our
history, provides the structure for our
prayers. It is also the rhythm of solid,
lifelong love relationships.
In the prayer section known as "the
Shema and her blessings," we find
three prayers which correspond to
three paradigmatic moments in our
history: creation, revelation and
redemption.
The first prayer evokes the opening
passages of Bereshit (Genesis) and
praises God for the creation of the
world. It is appropriately known (in
the morning service) as the Yotzeir,
the Creator. The last is drawn from
the Exodus story and is therefore
known as the Ge-ulah, or redemption
prayer.
The second of the three, however,
bears a remarkable and puzzling
appellation. Historically, this prayer
corresponds to God's revelation to
Abraham. And yet in Hebrew, it is
entitled not "revelation" as one would
expect, but rather ahavah, love!
So what is the connection between
revelation and love?
I believe that God's revelation to
Abraham and to Sarah was indeed an
act of love, a divine embrace. God
"opened up" to them, revealed Godself
to them, the supreme act of ahavah
(love).
Since we are made in the image of
God, it seems clear that, for human
beings as well, the revealing of our-
selves as we truly are to another is the
highest form of ahavah, or love. But
this is not as easy as it sounds.
After 11 years of counseling cou-
ples before marriage, I have come to
the firm conclusion that there are no
bigger liars than two people about to
be married. I say this with the full
realization that, when I was engaged,
the same could have been said about
me.
Lying may be too harsh a word, but
the fact remains that once a date has
Paul Yedwab is a rabbi at Temple
Israel in West Bloomfield.
been set and invitations sent out, it is
very difficult to reveal anything nega-
tive of oneself, any feeling, idea or
quality, that might jeopardize the "big
day." This makes revelation/love very
difficult and very risky.
As Martin Buber teaches us, it is
also very difficult to experience revela-
tion/love (what he would call an "I-
Thou" moment of knowing),
when you want to "get something"
from the other. This makes dating
another very difficult arena for true
revelation/love.
If my analysis of the prayer service
is correct, there really can be no love
without revelation. Two people must
be ready to reveal their true selves to
one another, regardless of risks, with-
out regard to possible immediate
rewards, if there is to be any hope of a
lasting love.
Love and marriage are not one and
the same thing. You should, of course,
be in love in order to get married, but
you do not have to marry everyone
that you love.
You cannot be truthful with your •
intended unless you at least keep open
the possibility that, based on some
fundamental difference, you may not
be able to build a home together.
Marriage is about two people build-
ing a home. As I like to say: "You do
not want to build a home in which
you will have to suck in your gut for
the rest of your life."
In the full blush of nascent love, it
seems that any barrier can be hurdled,
any difference resolved. Given the
high rate of divorce, this is obviously
not the case.
So how do you know if you will be
able to build a successful home with
another? In counseling, I try to get
couples to age themselves.
When couples are considering
intermarrying, for instance, they often
minimize the role that religion will
play in their lives. I point out to them
that it is not unusual that religion
plays only a small role in their lives as
twentysomethings. We have a very
active young adult congregation at
Temple Israel, and yet if we had to
support our congregation based on the
involvement of our young adults
alone, we would soon be out of busi-
ness.
By age 45 it is amazing how many
people have somehow found their way
to religious affiliation and involve-
ment. Perhaps that cycle of life has
something to teach us.
Most issues and differences can be
resolved temporarily when you are a
young, two-income family with no
children. But what about in the next
stage of life? What primal feelings
will erupt when you first hold that
newborn baby in your arms, or when
that child is ready to attend Sunday
school, or when you face illness or the
death of a loved one?
Make decisions based on the feel-
ings of that older you, for it is that
older version of your present self who
will be saddled forever with the deci-
sions you make now.
I have sat with couples who asked
more probing questions of the con-
tractor they hired to build their new
house than they had of one another
— with whom they were hoping to
build a lifelong home.
Creation, revelation, redemption.
This is the story of the Jewish people;
it is also the rhythm of a successful
love affair: During the creation of a
relationship, everything is tohu va'vo-
hu, unformed and void.
After the chaos, there comes a time
of revelation, and I believe that it is
the fullness of this stage which will
ultimately determine the success of
the ahavah, or love. Finally, if we are
blessed, lucky and wise, we reach the
Mt. Sinai of romance, an eternal and
redemptive covenant of love.
9/19
1997
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