Making It Work
An Aussie and an American — he a Catholic, she a Humanistic Jew — appreciate their differences.
JULIE EDGAR SENIOR WRITER
When the Williamses and their two children — 12-
year-old Michael and 10-year-old Keelah — moved back
to the States five years ago, however, they went to St.
Mary's in Royal Oak, because Sue knew of no other op-
tion that would be acceptable to both of them.
When she learned about the Birmingham Temple, she
enrolled Michael and Keelah there, because of its hu-
manistic philosophy and its greater tolerance for mis-
chievous behavior common to young people, she said.
Both Michael and Keelah will be bar and bat mitzvah
PHOTO BY DANIEL LI PPITT
S
ue was the lone Jew on the island. Kevin was among
the few dozen practicing Catholics who inhabited
the place.
Their beginnings in Norfolk Island, a tiny ter-
ritory of Australia, were decidedly exotic. And, today, al-
though their surroundings are definitely mainland, the
Williams' remain firmly and happily ensconced in their
respective traditions.
Sue is the education director, mitzvah coordinator and
associate to the director of the International Institute for
Secular Humanistic Judaism at Birmingham Temple.
Kevin runs a nursery in Hartford, Michigan, where he
specializes in raising Kentia pines, a species native to the
Pacific. Their marriage is the second for both.
Sue, born Casselman, was reared in Royal Oak by a
Protestant mother and a Jewish father, the latter of whom
gave up his Orthodoxy and "didn't try another version"
of Judaism. The family attended the Unitarian Univer-
salist Church in Detroit. Max Casselman died when Sue
was 19. Her mother lives in Arizona.
Yet, Sue, 49, identifies as a Jew. She is the only one of
her siblings who held on to her roots. When she married
a second non-Jewish man, she joked, her relatives on her
father's side asked her why she couldn't find a nice Jew-
ish boy.
"I think I married good people. Between us, we share
high standards of ethics," Sue said.
Her background, which she describes as a lively mix
of Jewish, Protestant, Orthodox and secular values, ev-
idently influenced the cross-cultural and cross-religious
choices she has made for herself and influences the way
she raises her children.
"God is not a question that comes up, so the option of
what to teach children is up to the parents," Sue said.
Sue and Kevin Williams like their differences.
at the temple. Sue became a Humanistic Jew by taking
a 2-year course that culminated in an adult confirma-
tion.
That doesn't bother Kevin, 50, who was reared in a
strongly Irish-Catholic tradition. He had never met a Jew
before Sue, whom he met in Scotland, and with whom he
began a correspondence that eventually led to their mar-
riage 13 years ago. In Australia, where Kevin spent the
first 9 years of his life, bigotry against anyone not white
and Protestant was a cultural norm. But Jews?
"I had never met a Jew. I didn't have a racist back-
ground. There were Italian immigrants, who people re-
ferred to as `dagos,' but there were no Jews," he said.
Anti-Semitism was non-existent, as he recalls.
"I had to come to this country to hear the word," he
said.
Kevin insisted that his two children from his first mar-
riage be baptized, but he allowed them to go their own
way, because to have raised them as Catholics would
have "rocked the boat" in a place like Norfolk Island.
When he was divorced from his first wife, she reconfirmed
the children in the Church of England.
Living in the United States means having a choice, he
said.
"Here in the U.S., people can choose what religion they
want to practice. There's more to it than what you've been
indoctrinated to," he said.
Kevin participates in services and programming for
parents of children in Hebrew and Sunday school at the
temple, but he has no interest in converting to Judaism.
He goes to church, albeit not often, and sometimes the
entire family will attend Easter or mass there.
But had Kevin adhered to the kind of Catholicism in
which he was reared — where the notions of good and
evil are clearly and starkly drawn — their marriage might
not have worked out, Sue allowed.
'What is clear to me and our children is that neither
of us has given up our religion. I know Pm Jewish. If any-
thing, I am more firm in my beliefs. I am just as firm in
my belief that he is firm in his beliefs," Sue said.
❑
Roving Rabbi
Dr. David Z. Ben-Ami is happy to perform interfaith wedding ceremonies, wherever they may be.
JULIE EDGAR SENIOR WRITER
S
ix ads, no bites.
Rabbi David Z. Ben-Ami's services are not in
great demand, which is good or bad, depending on
your perspective.
Ben-Ami, a Harrisburg, Pa., rabbi who was ordained
at the Jewish Institute of Religion and Academy for High-
er Jewish Learning, a precursor of the Reconstructionist
Rabbinical College, is the marrying kind. His specialty
is interfaith counseling and weddings, which he's per-
formed in Barbados, on the banks of the Susquehanna
River and in a Lutheran church in Wisconsin. But, after
advertising the service in six newspapers throughout
North America a few months ago, he got only two phone
calls, both from curious reporters.
Ben-Ami's conclusion: "It doesn't work in the Jewish
press."
This year hasn't been the best in his 30 years of per-
forming interfaith counseling and marital services, which
help support his ecumenical work. Typically, he does eight
to 12 wedding ceremonies yearly, but this year, he's down
to two or three.
Most people find him through word of mouth, but Ben-
Ami advertised to "see what reaction I would get."
Ben-Ami, 72, is the founder of the American Forum for
Jewish-Christian Cooperation, a foundation that spon-
sors a variety of ecumenical events, including a Passover
service in Washington for diplomats and an annual cel-
'The Orthodox don't approve, but they don't attack you
ebration of the "faiths of America."
The Forum works closely with the Center for Christ- for it because they look at reality, and in fact, are perhaps
ian-Jewish Understanding at Sacred Heart University pleased that a Jewish ceremony is being conducted.
`There wouldn't be interfaith marriage if the non-Jew-
in Connecticut.
ish member didn't have a positive disposition
`The marriage counseling and weddings
toward Judaism," Ben-Ami continued.
are additional. We advocate building bridges
`There's a positive, so we welcome them with
of understanding, and, because 50 percent
a positive tenor and hope they will identify
of marriages are interfaith marriages, we do
with the Jewish community. But, that de-
Jewish ceremonies," said Ben-Ami, who is
pends on the Jewish member in the union.
married to a Jew.
Many Jews don't take an active role in iden-
His early years as a German-Jewish
tifying."
refugee led him to his passion for ecumeni-
When the rabbi is asked to perform a wed-
cism, he said.
ding, he meets with the couple and gives them
"If churches in Germany had taken a
a book list and books on Judaism.
stand against Nazism, and stood beside the
His biggest concern is that the families on
Jews as American churches are doing today,
both sides feel comfortable.
Hitler never would've been able to gain the
He has found, as have other institutions
power he did. We need religious leaders and
that study the phenomenon of interfaith mar-
church groups on our side. We're all children
Rabbi David Z. Ben-Ami
riage, that in most of these unions, the Jew-
of Abraham, and Christians have the re- wants to create Jewish
ish partner either maintains his or her level
sponsibility to treat Jews as brothers," he families.
of observance or experiences a renewal of feel-
said.
Although Ben-Ami no longer has a pulpit, he found- ing for Judaism via the non-Jewish partner.
"If the Jewish member takes a real interest, then you
ed a Reconstructionist synagogue in Cumberland Coun-
ty, Pa., the first in the area, and a Reform congregation have a new Jewish family. Sometimes the Jewish mem-
ber is more secular than the non-Jewish member. Jews
in Reston, Va.
He claims he's never come under fire for his work.
are the most secular people around," Ben-Ami said. Ell