FACT: NISSAN'S DESTINATION FEE IS $470. NMAC'S ACQ. FEE IS $350. SO ARE BILL COOK'S. DON'T BE TRICKED
TOGETHER page 28
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NISSAN BONUS DAYS
"male bonding"; some com-
plained about the women-only
minyan, and others of us tried
hard to pretend that nothing
was happening. I could feel jeal-
ousy, confusion, fear, loneliness
and yearning in the air. We all
wished we were having the same
kind of spiritual bonding expe-
rience that we sensed the
women were.
During Nissan Bonus Days, we really,
really, really want to sell you a car. Really.
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*24 & 36 mo. closed end lease based on approved credit. Plus tax, title, plates, doc. fee & ref. sec. deli up to $350. Lease allows
12,000 miles per yr. w115ยข per mi. overage. Lessee has option to purchase at price to be determined at inception. Lessee respon-
sible for excess wear & tear. To get total multiply pymt. x term, plus 6% use tax, All rebates to dealer. See dealer for College Grad
details. Prior sales and lease excluded. Prices subject to change without notice.
We had been praying together
for months, yet we had never ac-
knowledged that the minyan was
ostensibly a men's event, nor had
we paid attention to what it
means to have men praying to-
gether. Now that the women
were together, we stood feeling
uncomfortable, able only to joke,
criticize or pretend.
While I was working at Berke-
ley Hillel, our rabbi, Rona
Shapiro, gave a powerful Yom
Kippur sermon about Jewish
women, body image and eating
disorders. Immediately follow-
ing, a young male student ap-
proached me, very upset. He felt
the rabbi's talk was exclusion-
ary and, therefore, inappropri-
ate. As we talked more, it
became clear that he really
wasn't upset at what Rabbi
Shapiro had said. In fact, sever-
al of his closest women friends
and relatives were struggling
with eating disorders.
What was really upsetting him
was that no one ever stood up in
services and talked about the
lives and specific issues of Jew-
ish men. He felt ignored and left
out.
Jewish men may look or act
like we have our lives complete-
ly together. We can be an intelli-
gent, sensitive, thoughtful,
articulate, successful bunch.
Nonetheless, many of us are
working too hard and dying too
young. We may feel a deep inter-
nal sense of dissatisfaction and
struggle or feel constant pressure
to succeed.
We may feel isolated from our
families and friends and have dif-
ficulty being emotionally vulner-
able. We may not feel like "real
men."
These are precisely the issues
that Jewish men deserve a hand
with, even though they are not
generally identified as being
connected to our being Jewish
men.
We need opportunities to ex-
amine our lives as Jewish men.
We already organize, lead or at-
tend numerous services and pro-
grams, play primary roles in
many Jewish organizations and
do other things as men together.
However, the way that we do
these things has not been meet-
ing our deepest needs as men. As
at my Pardes minyan, we may be
together but we yearn for some-
thing more.
For Jewish men, like Jewish
women, gathering together
amongst ourselves to talk hon-
estly and openly about how gen-
der roles and socialization affect
Lis as men will have apositive im-
pact on our lives and our com-
munities. We will then be able to
create more opportunities for
Jewish women and men to come
together and build better rela-
tionships with each other.
This year, let's get together
with a group of Jewish men and
go for a hike, discuss what it's
like being a Jewish man, play
with your children, read the
weekly Torah portion for what
it says about men and mas-
culinity and share our life's sto-
ries. 0
_/
N
COMFORT page 29
A cousin of mine asked me re-
cently how I could feel so safe in
Israel. I gave him a two-tiered
response: In Israel, I feel safe as
a Jew, and I feel comfortable
with my personal welfare.
As a Jew, I almost feel victo-
rious walking into restaurants,
stores, even night clubs that have
a mezuzah nailed to the front
door. Upscale clothing shops.
Bars with loud music and beer.
Restaurants, kosher and not.
Everything Jewish.
And then I notice soldiers in
all those places, some carrying
huge, black guns. I pass them on
the streets. I know that my tour
guide carried a handgun in his
fanny pack.
But it's not necessarily the
guns that make me feel safe. It's
what Israel represents.
To me, Israel symbolizes tri-
umph over sorrow; it's a recla-
mation. I look at the beautiful
faces of Israeli men and women,
endure the biting arrogance of
the sabra personality, and I see
what happens when you stand
up and take charge.
Israel became a nation large-
ly due to the efforts of little, pale
Eastern European scholars who
said, "Enough!" They tilled the
tough fields of the Promised
Land, gathered underground,
overthrew the occupying powers.
And they have kept most of what
they gained. Most of it.
So even with the conscious re-
alization that tension had
mounted almost to overflowing
around me, I felt only luck, grat-
itude and joy to be in Eretz Yis-
rael a few weeks back. Not fear.
If it's not a construction pro-
ject, it will eventually be some-
thing else. Let everyone hate us.
We'll persevere. Li