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NISSAN BONUS DAYS "male bonding"; some com- plained about the women-only minyan, and others of us tried hard to pretend that nothing was happening. I could feel jeal- ousy, confusion, fear, loneliness and yearning in the air. We all wished we were having the same kind of spiritual bonding expe- rience that we sensed the women were. During Nissan Bonus Days, we really, really, really want to sell you a car. Really. ILLN ISSAN 814-471-0044 Grand River at 10 Mile (West of Halsted) FARMINGTON HILLS OPEN: MON. & THURS. 'TIL 9 P.M.; TUES., WED., FRI. 'TIL 6 P.M. *24 & 36 mo. closed end lease based on approved credit. Plus tax, title, plates, doc. fee & ref. sec. deli up to $350. Lease allows 12,000 miles per yr. w115ยข per mi. overage. Lessee has option to purchase at price to be determined at inception. Lessee respon- sible for excess wear & tear. To get total multiply pymt. x term, plus 6% use tax, All rebates to dealer. See dealer for College Grad details. Prior sales and lease excluded. Prices subject to change without notice. We had been praying together for months, yet we had never ac- knowledged that the minyan was ostensibly a men's event, nor had we paid attention to what it means to have men praying to- gether. Now that the women were together, we stood feeling uncomfortable, able only to joke, criticize or pretend. While I was working at Berke- ley Hillel, our rabbi, Rona Shapiro, gave a powerful Yom Kippur sermon about Jewish women, body image and eating disorders. Immediately follow- ing, a young male student ap- proached me, very upset. He felt the rabbi's talk was exclusion- ary and, therefore, inappropri- ate. As we talked more, it became clear that he really wasn't upset at what Rabbi Shapiro had said. In fact, sever- al of his closest women friends and relatives were struggling with eating disorders. What was really upsetting him was that no one ever stood up in services and talked about the lives and specific issues of Jew- ish men. He felt ignored and left out. Jewish men may look or act like we have our lives complete- ly together. We can be an intelli- gent, sensitive, thoughtful, articulate, successful bunch. Nonetheless, many of us are working too hard and dying too young. We may feel a deep inter- nal sense of dissatisfaction and struggle or feel constant pressure to succeed. We may feel isolated from our families and friends and have dif- ficulty being emotionally vulner- able. We may not feel like "real men." These are precisely the issues that Jewish men deserve a hand with, even though they are not generally identified as being connected to our being Jewish men. We need opportunities to ex- amine our lives as Jewish men. We already organize, lead or at- tend numerous services and pro- grams, play primary roles in many Jewish organizations and do other things as men together. However, the way that we do these things has not been meet- ing our deepest needs as men. As at my Pardes minyan, we may be together but we yearn for some- thing more. For Jewish men, like Jewish women, gathering together amongst ourselves to talk hon- estly and openly about how gen- der roles and socialization affect Lis as men will have apositive im- pact on our lives and our com- munities. We will then be able to create more opportunities for Jewish women and men to come together and build better rela- tionships with each other. This year, let's get together with a group of Jewish men and go for a hike, discuss what it's like being a Jewish man, play with your children, read the weekly Torah portion for what it says about men and mas- culinity and share our life's sto- ries. 0 _/ N COMFORT page 29 A cousin of mine asked me re- cently how I could feel so safe in Israel. I gave him a two-tiered response: In Israel, I feel safe as a Jew, and I feel comfortable with my personal welfare. As a Jew, I almost feel victo- rious walking into restaurants, stores, even night clubs that have a mezuzah nailed to the front door. Upscale clothing shops. Bars with loud music and beer. Restaurants, kosher and not. Everything Jewish. And then I notice soldiers in all those places, some carrying huge, black guns. I pass them on the streets. I know that my tour guide carried a handgun in his fanny pack. But it's not necessarily the guns that make me feel safe. It's what Israel represents. To me, Israel symbolizes tri- umph over sorrow; it's a recla- mation. I look at the beautiful faces of Israeli men and women, endure the biting arrogance of the sabra personality, and I see what happens when you stand up and take charge. Israel became a nation large- ly due to the efforts of little, pale Eastern European scholars who said, "Enough!" They tilled the tough fields of the Promised Land, gathered underground, overthrew the occupying powers. And they have kept most of what they gained. Most of it. So even with the conscious re- alization that tension had mounted almost to overflowing around me, I felt only luck, grat- itude and joy to be in Eretz Yis- rael a few weeks back. Not fear. If it's not a construction pro- ject, it will eventually be some- thing else. Let everyone hate us. We'll persevere. Li