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of horseradish we have accu- mold it into cupcakes and try to
pass it off as small bits of a very
mulated.
We have enough horseradish moist fruitcake. We could eat
to eat nothing but gefilte fish for charoset breakfast, lunch and
months (but, of course, we are dinner until Shavuout and, I
think, there would still be some -
already out of gefilte fish).
We also continue to own, but left. I am beginning to believe
not eat, an amazingly massive that it doubles in the night when
amount of parsley. For a bitter no one is looking.
And, on top of that, the
herb, it's a hardy thing; but once
I've thrown a handful into the darned stuff won't spoil. It isn't
soup and decorated a couple of soggy. It still smells great. Soon
fruit cups, I really don't have it will take on a separate identi-
ty as an individual life form, and
much need for it.
Most of the other seder things commandeer the house. I can see
go the way of the wind. I pitch the movie now: The Charoset
the salt water and the lamb Monster: The Blob That Ate Jew-
bones; no utility there. We eat ish Suburbia.
Next year, I won't start with
the eggs on the spot, as well as
the newly ceremonial orange — two dozen apples. Next year, I'll
added to the plate to commem- start with two apples. But that's
orate the role of women in the what I said last year.
We should note how fortunate
Exodus saga.
We finish the other odds and we are, how blessed, to have 44
ends, but I always have a vat of enough extra food to make jokes
about it. How aware we are that
charoset.
The charoset is the most nov- this is the reason we can't bring
el, best tasting compound in the ourselves to throw anything out.
world at the seder. I make two At this holiday of freedom, we do
enormous bowls of it as soon as appreciate how wonderful it is
the kitchen is Pesachdik, and I to celebrate freedom from want
keep my kiddy helpers from and hunger.
But now that I have ac-
scarfing it all on the spot. Wrong
again, Mommy-0. I should have knowledged the obvious, help
given them soup spoons and told me out. Have a little piece of veal
them to dig in and eat up be- with a big dollop of horseradish.
cause after the seders I will have Take a bowl of cereal. Take two.
enough charoset to mortar the And while you are at- it, eat some
bricks for a mile-long sidewalk. charoset; remember how much
I have enough charoset to you love it. ❑

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The

Please, I'm Begging You

An unscientific history of schnorring;
just in time for Purim.

re

DR. KENNETH W. STEIN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

ecently I read an article in
the Israeli daily newspaper
Ma'ariv that claimed snor-
• g is genetic. So in honor
of Purim, I changed a couple of let-
ters and added a few lines.
By the way, for the Yiddishly
challenged, a schnorrer is some-
one always asking for money.
Here goes:
At a medical conference in
Haifa attended by fund-raisers
from around the world, Professor
Tikun Olam, deacon of the Inter-
national Association of Develop-
ment Officers and Director of the
Schnorring Study laboratory, said,
"schnorring is a genetic and in-
herited Jewish phenomenon."
However, said Olam, the
Mesah u-Matan professor of soci-
ology at the Jessica and Simon
Chabad School of Resurgent Jew-
ish Identity, "while schnorring is
undoubtedly genetic, successful
schnoningis a science."

lin

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-

Dr. Kenneth W. Stein, is head of
Emory University's Middle
East Research Program.

The study proved that if even
one parent is a schnorrer, the
chances are 11 times higher that
the offs-piing, too, will schnorr. The
study used 50 families with at
least one of each pair a genetic
schnorrer.
Uncommonly surprising, the
study concluded that 12 to 14 per-
cent of the total population en-
gages in professional schnorring.
The results are backed up by
studies undertaken in Bnei Brak,
Great Neck, Mea Shearim, and
Shaker Heights. It was discovered
that the source of schnorring was
not just laziness, but found to be
in the part of the brain that con-
trols giving and tatting.
Olam reported that children of
longtime schnorrers have a high-
er probability of engaging in
schnorringand should be checked
and prevented from excessive
weight gain. Those with the re-
gressive and recessive schnor-
ringgene have initiated support
groups to understand why their
genetic make-up denied them this
cherished gene.

•

4