If you're not planning to split
expenses down the middle, Mr.
Millman suggests a casual offer
"to contribute something" or sim-
ply taking care of coffee.
In general etiquette, Mr. Mill-
man says it's "sometimes" OK for
a woman to make the first move.
"You may be weary of pickup
lines and unsolicited gestures.
However, most men are flattered
when a woman makes the first
move.
"Our friend Miriam offers this
observation: There may be
smarter or prettier women in the
room, but very few will walk up
to a desirable man, smile, and say,
"Hi, Pm Miriam Morningstar."
Chapter 6, devoted to "phone
etiquette," starts out by advising:
"It's always better to let the man
make the first phone call."
But Mr. Millman and his
cronies emphasize that there is a
difference between a "call" and a
"call-back." Here's their example:
"If a man gives you his business
card and requests that you call
him at your convenience, he's al-
ready called you, by making the
initial overture. By phoning him_
at your convenience, you are, in
reality, simply calling him back."
Hmmm.
Interestingly, these books
pretty much speak to women. In
fact, Mr. Millman's Buy Book Get
Guy says that women, not men,
buy books on dating. Perhaps.
But I'm willing to wager that we
could all use a few pointers on
the best way to win someone
over. You think? ❑
Hearts And Flowers
F
eb. 14, 1965: Mom gives me
heart-shaped lollipops and
red balloons. Mom gives
Dad cold look. Dad runs
out, returns with roses. Mom and
Dad dance to Benny Goodman.
Brother ties me to couch with kite
string, throws water balloons.
Feb. 14, 1967: Jon Peterson
breaks "everyone included" rule,
refuses to give me Valentine in
Mrs. Pierce's second-grade class.
At lunch he offers me 50 cents to
take off my shirt under table.
Principal gives us detention. To-
gether. Bliss.
Feb. 14, 1975: David brings
roses and card with the lyrics
from Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up in
Blue." Go to party and have sex
on bathroom counter. Say "I love
you" for the first time. Hear Jon
Peterson's in juvenile detention.
Call Dad to remind him to send
rose to Mom.
Feb. 14, 1977: Don't know
whether roses with card reading
"David" are from David #1, at col-
lege in Ohio, or David #2, who
lives across hall in my dorm. I fi-
nally thank David #2, who says,
"I don't believe in holidays." Dri-
ve six hours to surprise David #1.
Arrive to find him in bed with his
Susan Shapiro, a Bloomfield Hills
native, is a New York City-based
freelance writer and the author
of The Male-to-Female
Dictionary (Boulevard
Books /Comedy Central).
neighbor Allison.
Feb. 14, 1978: Get drunk with
best friend Clair, who says, "Be-
hind every woman you ever
heard of is a man who let her
down."
Feb. 14, 1980: David #2 in-
vites me over and says, "If I were
capable of loving someone it
would be you, but I'm not so I
don't."
Feb. 14, 1982: Spend day with
brilliant NYU poetry professor,
old enough to be my grandfather.
He proposes; I say no; he threat-
ens suicide. David #2 calls and
says, don't believe in dates, but
let's go Dutch dinner." Do two
hours of aerobics at gym. On way
home buy myself flowers and
card. I sign, "You're beautiful; I
love you madly." Leave them
around apartment for David #2
to see. At 9 p.m., he cancels.
David #1 calls to say he's getting
married next month.
Feb. 14, 1983: Pass professor
on the street; wave; he pretends
not to see me. Eat basket of
chocolate my mother sent and
Write "Pieces," prose poem about
a man who takes apart pieces of
a woman, severing her breasts
from her torso and popping out
her eyeballs, later published in
the NYU magazine and sent to
David #1 with a note that says,
"Thanks for the inspiration."
Feb. 14, 1985: Claire fixes me
up with Barry, rich and success-
ful Dylan biographer. Call Dad,
Sunday, Feb. 16
Friday, Feb. 14
Rabbi Sherwin Wine will
speak about balancing the keys
*
Understanding gender dif-
ferences in relationships. 7
p.m. With coffee and dessert at
the Agency for Jewish Education,
21550 W. 12 Mile Road in South-
field. Cost: $3. Sponsored by Pro-
fessional Jewish Singles. R.S.V.P.
by Feb. 13. For information, call
Susan Dines, (810) 626-7246, or
Cindy Leven, (810) 542-9166.
to a meaningful life. 8 p.m. Birm-
ingham Temple, 28611 W. 12
Mile Road. Sponsored by the Sin-
gles Group of the Birmingham
Temple. For information, call
(810) 477-1410.
Friday, Feb. 21
Friday-Sunday, Feb. 14-16
Singles Shabbat at Temple
Midwest Singles Shabbaton
for Orthodox singles over 30. Ac-
tivities will take place in West
Bloomfield, at neighborhood
homes and at the Bais Chabad
Torah Center. Cost: $175. For in-
formation, call Mirjam Gunz-
Schwartz, (810) 968-6719.
Shir Shalom. 8 p.m. Guest speak-
er: Don Cohen, executive direc-
tor of the Anti-Defamation
League's Michigan Region. For
information, call (810) 737-8700.
Young Adult Shabbat service
Saturday, Feb. 15
(couples and singles) at Adat
Shalom. 7:30 p.m. For informa-
tion, call Ethan Gilan at (810)
661-2022.
Murder mystery party at the
Saturday, Feb. 22
Potomac Club. 6200 Farmington
Road in West Bloomfield. Spon-
sored by Hillel of Metro Detroit.
Cost: $5. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 10,
(313) 577-3459.
1
Laser light show at Cranbrook.
7:30 p.m. Drinks after at Old
Woodward Grill. Sponsored by
B'nai B'rith Leadership Network.
fi
who says he bought roses for
Mom without anyone reminding
him.
Feb. 14, 1986: Barry gives me
book of Dylan lyrics inscribed: "I
love you madly." We do mush-
room brownies with his dog Os-
car, spend the rest of the night at
the vet.
Tripping through
Valentine's Day,
year after year.
SUSAN SHAPIRO
SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
Feb. 14, 1987: Barry's on busi-
ness trip in Buffalo. Have lunch
with David #2 and say, "I'm liv-
ing with Barry now." He spins my
bracelet and says, "Why do you
look so beautiful?"
Feb. 14, 1988: David #1, who
has heard of Barry's defection to
pregnant girlfriend in Buffalo,
calls to say Allison is also ex-
pecting. Dinner with David #2,
who looks up from third wine and
says, 'Tye always loved you. I'm
moving to Boston." At home, mes-
sage on machine from Barry says,
"Return 'Hibbing, Minnesota' T-
shirt or else. Call -Claire, who
says, `T11 always be there for you."
Feb. 14, 1989: Claire moves to
Meet at Cranbrook's Planetari-
um. For information, call Mark
Levine, (810) 352-8393.
L.A. with screenwriter boyfriend
of two months. Dinner alone at
favorite Village bistro, watching
happy couples: men with men,
women with women. Write arti-
cle called "How I Learned to Love
My Thighs and Clean My Closet
in 30 Days," which I sell to Cos-
mopolitan for $2,000.
Feb. 14, 1991: Receive three
bouquets of flowers — from Mom,
Brother and Claire, who's
changed her name to Jordan and
given my number to sweet-talk-
ing TV sitcom writer Aaron
whom I fall for long-distance.
Feb. 14, 1992: Aaron leaves
long-distance message: "I have a
headache and stomachache."
Card arrives from David #1 with
picture of his baby daughter.
Mom says she bumped into Mrs.
Pierce, who says I was her most
brilliant student, but do I still
have trouble working well with
others?
Feb. 14, 1993: Call from Jon
Peterson, now a freelance writer
in Maine, who says he wants the
name of my Cosmo editor. Hap-
py to hear Oscar was run over by
a car. Clair/Jordan calls to say
she's engaged.
Feb. 14, 1996: Dinner with
Aaron, who's back in New York.
He brings engagement ring and
Dylan bootleg. We eat my moth-
er's chocolate kisses and slow
dance to "Stuck Inside of Mobile
with the Memphis Blues Again."
Bliss. El
SINGLE TRAVEL
Hadassah Ruach Chapter
progressive dinner. To RS.V.P.,
call Stacey Welford at (810) 669-
5085.
Sunday, March 2-9
Singles Saturday sports
night. 7-10 p.m. At the Jimmy
Costa Rica, through Premier
Jewish Singles. For information,
call (314) 994-9600.
Prentis Morris JCC on 10 Mile
Road in Oak Park. Cost: $8; in-
cludes refreshments and sports.
Sponsored by Professional Jew-
ish Singles. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 19.
For information, call Larry Rood,
(810) 545-6912, or Lee Winer,
(810) 265-6206.
2 Happenings will list events
of a Jewish nature for singles
of any age and occasions for
young adults. Please send ma-
terials to Lynne Meredith
Cohn at The Jewish News,
27676 Franklin Road, South-
field, MI 48034, at least two
weeks prior to the issue in
which you'd like the event to
appear.
Thursday, March 20-30
Purim in Eilat, through Young
Jewish Leadership Concepts.
For information, call (800) 223-
YJLC.
Tuesday, March 25-30
Ski trip to Vail, Colo., with Is-
rael Bonds' New Leadership Di-
vision. Jewish professionals,
25-45 years of age. For informa-
tion, call (800) 229-9650, Ext.
500-503.
Sunday, March 30-April 6
London, England, through Pre-
mier Jewish Singles. For infor-
mation, call (314) 994-9600.