If you're not planning to split expenses down the middle, Mr. Millman suggests a casual offer "to contribute something" or sim- ply taking care of coffee. In general etiquette, Mr. Mill- man says it's "sometimes" OK for a woman to make the first move. "You may be weary of pickup lines and unsolicited gestures. However, most men are flattered when a woman makes the first move. "Our friend Miriam offers this observation: There may be smarter or prettier women in the room, but very few will walk up to a desirable man, smile, and say, "Hi, Pm Miriam Morningstar." Chapter 6, devoted to "phone etiquette," starts out by advising: "It's always better to let the man make the first phone call." But Mr. Millman and his cronies emphasize that there is a difference between a "call" and a "call-back." Here's their example: "If a man gives you his business card and requests that you call him at your convenience, he's al- ready called you, by making the initial overture. By phoning him_ at your convenience, you are, in reality, simply calling him back." Hmmm. Interestingly, these books pretty much speak to women. In fact, Mr. Millman's Buy Book Get Guy says that women, not men, buy books on dating. Perhaps. But I'm willing to wager that we could all use a few pointers on the best way to win someone over. You think? ❑ Hearts And Flowers F eb. 14, 1965: Mom gives me heart-shaped lollipops and red balloons. Mom gives Dad cold look. Dad runs out, returns with roses. Mom and Dad dance to Benny Goodman. Brother ties me to couch with kite string, throws water balloons. Feb. 14, 1967: Jon Peterson breaks "everyone included" rule, refuses to give me Valentine in Mrs. Pierce's second-grade class. At lunch he offers me 50 cents to take off my shirt under table. Principal gives us detention. To- gether. Bliss. Feb. 14, 1975: David brings roses and card with the lyrics from Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up in Blue." Go to party and have sex on bathroom counter. Say "I love you" for the first time. Hear Jon Peterson's in juvenile detention. Call Dad to remind him to send rose to Mom. Feb. 14, 1977: Don't know whether roses with card reading "David" are from David #1, at col- lege in Ohio, or David #2, who lives across hall in my dorm. I fi- nally thank David #2, who says, "I don't believe in holidays." Dri- ve six hours to surprise David #1. Arrive to find him in bed with his Susan Shapiro, a Bloomfield Hills native, is a New York City-based freelance writer and the author of The Male-to-Female Dictionary (Boulevard Books /Comedy Central). neighbor Allison. Feb. 14, 1978: Get drunk with best friend Clair, who says, "Be- hind every woman you ever heard of is a man who let her down." Feb. 14, 1980: David #2 in- vites me over and says, "If I were capable of loving someone it would be you, but I'm not so I don't." Feb. 14, 1982: Spend day with brilliant NYU poetry professor, old enough to be my grandfather. He proposes; I say no; he threat- ens suicide. David #2 calls and says, don't believe in dates, but let's go Dutch dinner." Do two hours of aerobics at gym. On way home buy myself flowers and card. I sign, "You're beautiful; I love you madly." Leave them around apartment for David #2 to see. At 9 p.m., he cancels. David #1 calls to say he's getting married next month. Feb. 14, 1983: Pass professor on the street; wave; he pretends not to see me. Eat basket of chocolate my mother sent and Write "Pieces," prose poem about a man who takes apart pieces of a woman, severing her breasts from her torso and popping out her eyeballs, later published in the NYU magazine and sent to David #1 with a note that says, "Thanks for the inspiration." Feb. 14, 1985: Claire fixes me up with Barry, rich and success- ful Dylan biographer. Call Dad, Sunday, Feb. 16 Friday, Feb. 14 Rabbi Sherwin Wine will speak about balancing the keys * Understanding gender dif- ferences in relationships. 7 p.m. With coffee and dessert at the Agency for Jewish Education, 21550 W. 12 Mile Road in South- field. Cost: $3. Sponsored by Pro- fessional Jewish Singles. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 13. For information, call Susan Dines, (810) 626-7246, or Cindy Leven, (810) 542-9166. to a meaningful life. 8 p.m. Birm- ingham Temple, 28611 W. 12 Mile Road. Sponsored by the Sin- gles Group of the Birmingham Temple. For information, call (810) 477-1410. Friday, Feb. 21 Friday-Sunday, Feb. 14-16 Singles Shabbat at Temple Midwest Singles Shabbaton for Orthodox singles over 30. Ac- tivities will take place in West Bloomfield, at neighborhood homes and at the Bais Chabad Torah Center. Cost: $175. For in- formation, call Mirjam Gunz- Schwartz, (810) 968-6719. Shir Shalom. 8 p.m. Guest speak- er: Don Cohen, executive direc- tor of the Anti-Defamation League's Michigan Region. For information, call (810) 737-8700. Young Adult Shabbat service Saturday, Feb. 15 (couples and singles) at Adat Shalom. 7:30 p.m. For informa- tion, call Ethan Gilan at (810) 661-2022. Murder mystery party at the Saturday, Feb. 22 Potomac Club. 6200 Farmington Road in West Bloomfield. Spon- sored by Hillel of Metro Detroit. Cost: $5. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 10, (313) 577-3459. 1 Laser light show at Cranbrook. 7:30 p.m. Drinks after at Old Woodward Grill. Sponsored by B'nai B'rith Leadership Network. fi who says he bought roses for Mom without anyone reminding him. Feb. 14, 1986: Barry gives me book of Dylan lyrics inscribed: "I love you madly." We do mush- room brownies with his dog Os- car, spend the rest of the night at the vet. Tripping through Valentine's Day, year after year. SUSAN SHAPIRO SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS Feb. 14, 1987: Barry's on busi- ness trip in Buffalo. Have lunch with David #2 and say, "I'm liv- ing with Barry now." He spins my bracelet and says, "Why do you look so beautiful?" Feb. 14, 1988: David #1, who has heard of Barry's defection to pregnant girlfriend in Buffalo, calls to say Allison is also ex- pecting. Dinner with David #2, who looks up from third wine and says, 'Tye always loved you. I'm moving to Boston." At home, mes- sage on machine from Barry says, "Return 'Hibbing, Minnesota' T- shirt or else. Call -Claire, who says, `T11 always be there for you." Feb. 14, 1989: Claire moves to Meet at Cranbrook's Planetari- um. For information, call Mark Levine, (810) 352-8393. L.A. with screenwriter boyfriend of two months. Dinner alone at favorite Village bistro, watching happy couples: men with men, women with women. Write arti- cle called "How I Learned to Love My Thighs and Clean My Closet in 30 Days," which I sell to Cos- mopolitan for $2,000. Feb. 14, 1991: Receive three bouquets of flowers — from Mom, Brother and Claire, who's changed her name to Jordan and given my number to sweet-talk- ing TV sitcom writer Aaron whom I fall for long-distance. Feb. 14, 1992: Aaron leaves long-distance message: "I have a headache and stomachache." Card arrives from David #1 with picture of his baby daughter. Mom says she bumped into Mrs. Pierce, who says I was her most brilliant student, but do I still have trouble working well with others? Feb. 14, 1993: Call from Jon Peterson, now a freelance writer in Maine, who says he wants the name of my Cosmo editor. Hap- py to hear Oscar was run over by a car. Clair/Jordan calls to say she's engaged. Feb. 14, 1996: Dinner with Aaron, who's back in New York. He brings engagement ring and Dylan bootleg. We eat my moth- er's chocolate kisses and slow dance to "Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again." Bliss. El SINGLE TRAVEL Hadassah Ruach Chapter progressive dinner. To RS.V.P., call Stacey Welford at (810) 669- 5085. Sunday, March 2-9 Singles Saturday sports night. 7-10 p.m. At the Jimmy Costa Rica, through Premier Jewish Singles. For information, call (314) 994-9600. Prentis Morris JCC on 10 Mile Road in Oak Park. Cost: $8; in- cludes refreshments and sports. Sponsored by Professional Jew- ish Singles. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 19. For information, call Larry Rood, (810) 545-6912, or Lee Winer, (810) 265-6206. 2 Happenings will list events of a Jewish nature for singles of any age and occasions for young adults. Please send ma- terials to Lynne Meredith Cohn at The Jewish News, 27676 Franklin Road, South- field, MI 48034, at least two weeks prior to the issue in which you'd like the event to appear. Thursday, March 20-30 Purim in Eilat, through Young Jewish Leadership Concepts. For information, call (800) 223- YJLC. Tuesday, March 25-30 Ski trip to Vail, Colo., with Is- rael Bonds' New Leadership Di- vision. Jewish professionals, 25-45 years of age. For informa- tion, call (800) 229-9650, Ext. 500-503. Sunday, March 30-April 6 London, England, through Pre- mier Jewish Singles. For infor- mation, call (314) 994-9600.