Purim Spoof
Hey, You Boobs!
Of lust, latkes and late nights...
ear, oh, dear readers. I'm
being squeezed for space
this week, and it has noth-
ing to do with Apollo 13
(not the movie, which is up for an
Oscar). More on that later!
So, here goes a brief look at a
few events that have kept you tit-
illated as of late: YAD,
that funky division of
the Jewish Federation
(for those of you who've
been asleep for the past
10 years, that's Young
Adult Division), hosted
a great party (finally)
at that venerable Eight
Mile institution, the
Booby Trap. Party-go-
ers expecting to find
love instead gaped at
the dancers onstage,
spilling their drinks
every time a hip or
pastie swung their way. Feder-
ation's own Jimmy Rosenberg,
the famous Bert Green and
Zvika Ashkenazi were seen
reaching into their pockets and
pulling out very crumpled dollar
bills to give to the entertainers.
"Here's a tip!" they kept yelling,
or would that be kvelling? Guys,
you've never spent that much on
a real date!!! It's true some mem-
bers of the fairer sex left the bar
in a huff (hey, Ellen Krivche-
nia and Miriam Starkman,
lighten up!), but it was a hit! So
successful was the gathering that
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eiThe INS
Mission For Pets,
Talks And Tales
JENNIFER FINER STAFF WRITER
A
52
mphibian aficionado
Susie Schwartz, a 15-
year-old Southfield -resi-
dent, was devastated
when she learned the family's
pet iguana could not accompany
her on the upcoming Miracle
Mission for Teens.
"When Rex turned 13 I
promised him a trip to Israel,"
she said. "We were going to cel-
ebrate his bar mitzvah on Masa-
da. I even bought him a
custom-ma-de yarmulke and tal-
lit. I still haven't broken the
news to him. I know he will be
totally devastated. Rex couldn't
wait to get back to the desert."
What Susie doesn't know is
that thanks to a generous con-
tribution from the Fishhead
Foundation, a Miracle Mission
for Pets is in the planning stage.
"It seems we've had numer-
ous requests by members of the
community who want to send
their pets to Israel," said Feder-
ation's Jane Sherman, a pet
owner herself. "If we really care
about Jewish continuity, this
community better make it a pri-
ority to ensure all members of a
Jewish family have access to an
Israel experience. "You don't
want someone's little Buffy or
Max roaming the neighborhood
and then bringing home a non-
Jewish dog. The intermarriage
rate is already high enough
among Jewish humans."
Jeff Kaye, of the Michigan-Is-
rael Connection, who is also in-
volved in planning the pet
mission, estimates pets will pay
between $1595 and $2,036 for
six weeks in Israel.
A separate pet bus will ac-
company the teen mission, but
many of the activities will be
separate. Pet space is limited to
45 animals, and any housebro-
ken domestic creature is wel-
come. Amphibians and reptiles,
however, will not be permitted
to swim in the Dead Sea.
For more information, call the
Michigan/Israel Connection. ❑
N
YAD's next soiree is set to hap-
pen at Trumpp's, an upscale
club (yes, it's also on Eight Mile),
says YAD boss Jenifer Rosen-
wasser. "Hey, if people would
rather sit in a smoky, dark
lounge sipping vodka martinis
and watching jiggling flesh
rather than getting to
know each other in a
safe and smoke-free
environment, we're
here to serve," she
said, glumly. Jenifer,
dahling, you're mar-
ried, so let the single
folks have fun, lay?
On a more serious
note... Remember
David and Rachel,
the (un) pair who in-
sisted they were JUST
FRIENDS, even
though our photogra-
pher caught them in flagrante
delicto, locking lips? They called
me to say they are more than
JUST FRIENDS and they regret
my disclaimer a few weeks back.
In case you missed it, I devoted
plenty of space to a discussion (at
their behest, no less) of just how
to describe photographs that fea-
ture two people lip to lip, arm in
arm or cheek to cheek. Live and
learn. The next time I'll assume
they're an item, how's that?
I am oh-so-sorry. No, make
that crazy with regret. I forgot to
mention that post-New Year's
;RI k
•
Chanukah party that went on
and on at the home of teacher
and scene-maker extraordinaire
Joel Davidson. Lots o' latkes
were consumed and plenty of gos-
sip pumped out by guests Steve
Elkus, Steve Rotenberg, P.J.
Cherrin and Zvika Ashke-
nazi. The topic of all the hot air?
Bert: Green no more.
None other than me, the trash-
talkin' addictive LIE spy! Dear
boys. Don't believe everything the
other makes up. I am real. I do
write this column. Weekly. With
you in mind. And no, I am not
available.
Spy you at the next scene.
Ciao! ❑
gym
Kogan Nabs Peace Post
M
illionaire developer Jay
Kogan, a fervent sup-
porter of the Jewish
Home for Aged and the
World Wrestling Federation,
has been named honorary chair-
man of the Metropolitan Detroit
Jewish-Arab Coalition for Peace.
Coalition officials, citing Mr.
Kogan's pacifist lifestyle and
dedication to building bridges
between the Arab and Jewish
people, said they were eager for
Mr. Kogan to take the helm. His
duties, they said, will include ac-
tually building a bridge, by
hand, that stretches across the
Southfield Freeway and which
would eventually connect West
Bloomfield to Dearborn.
The post would also allow Mr.
Kogan to travel as a kind of
goodwill ambassador to world
trouble spots, coalition officials
said. His first stop: Bosnia and
Herzegovina, where he will help
military specialists destroy
mine fields in Tuzla. He will
then embark on a whirlwind
"meet-and-greet" tour of min-
istry buildings in Chechnya.
The honorary chair was made
possible by numerous Detroit-
area organizations, including the
Allied Jewish Campaign, Hil-
lel Day School and Jewish Fain-
ily Service, which issued a joint
statement saying, "God, he's
rich!"
Contributions from the Arab
community soared in recent
weeks, with many saying they
were "charmed" by Mr. Kogan's
comments in a lawsuit that, "I
am not crazy about A-rabs." So
enamored were some in the
Arab community that they are
planning a "special celebration"
for the wacky developer. They
did not elaborate. ❑
— Dave "The Rave"
Zeman.