Mixed Within The Faith
Jewish families
accommodate their
interdenominational union.
sacrifice. I never thought I'd
be shomer Shabbos. But it's
so relaxing. I love it. I love
going to shul. It makes you
feel much closer to your re-
ligion."
Not all couples have cho-
sen "conversion."
Barton Lowen of Farm-
RUTH LITiMANN STAFF WRITER
ington Hills and his wife,
Gayle, come from different
Jewish backgrounds. He
arry and Marcia Brown of looking beyond denomina-
was reared Conservative.
She comes from a Reform
West Bloomfield belong to tional lines. There shouldn't
household.
a Reform and an Orthodox be a "Reform" Jewish expe-
congregation. Strange rience or an "Orthodox" Jew-
His parents didn't have
combination?
a problem with their
ish experience.
Perhaps.
"mixed" marriage. "I think
"The home needs to be
The Browns decided on dual built on a joint vision," he
they were just glad that I
membership when their 22-year- says.
was marrying someone
old son, Adam, became more ob-
Jewish," he says.
Although spouses might
servant and proposed marriage have been reared different-
The couple first joined
to an Orthodox woman last year. ly, like Adam and his fiance,
Congregation Shaarey
Zedek, but Conservative
To accommodate Adam and they should sit down before
services were too foreign an
his future wife, Mr. and Mrs. getting engaged and deter-
experience for Mrs. Lowen,
Brown kashered their home, re- mine their long-term goals,
placed their mezuzot and joined Rabbi Tolwin advises. Ju-
who doesn't read Hebrew.
They switched to Temple
Young Israel of West Bloomfield, daism should not be consid-
an Orthodox congregation.
Shir Shalom, which offers
ered a separate piece of their
"It's very confusing," Mr. union. Rather, it should be
Reform services on Friday
nights and more tradition-
Brown says. "You've got one foot the guiding force in the mar-
al services on Saturday
in the Reform world and the oth- riage, something around
mornings.
er foot in the Orthodox world."
which partners build their
"Shir Shalom was a new
"Mixed" Jewish families are lives together.
temple," Mr. Lowen says
not a rarity in metro Detroit. But
"Judaism has got to be
"and it was more religious
local rabbis stress that making something that bonds peo-
than most Reform."
them work requires a good deal ple," he says.
Mr. Lowen said he still
of effort and compromise.
Sometimes, it breaks cou-
believes in davening. He
For the Browns, kashering the ples apart. In particular,
wears tzitzit and dons a
house meant taking 12 carloads family purity issues give rise
yarmulke when eating in
of kitchen supplies to the mikvah. to rifts. Rabbi Tolwin has
kosher surroundings.
It meant rinsing the dishwasher witnessed couples who can-
The Lowens believe their
and washing the cupboards, not reconcile their different
"mixed" marriage doesn't
blow-torching the ovens, replac- attitudes toward Jewish
send mixed signals to
ing small appliances and imple- laws on sex and abstention.
Jaimie, their 4-year-old
menting other changes around
Different levels of Shab-
the home.
daughter. The family cele-
bat and kashrut observance
brates the Sabbath togeth-
At first, the Brown parents also can get in the way of
were a bit overwhelmed by the marital harmony. What's im- Adam Brown and Jordana Morse come from different Jewish baCkgrounds, but Adam is becoming er and Jaimie delights in
Havdalah services.
experience, but they knew it was portant, says Rabbi Tolwin, more observant.
"I think she thinks it's
a prerequisite to sharing in their is for partners to respect each
cool," Mr. Lowen says. "We
son's newfound Torah lifestyle.
other's current level of observance sounded like an old married cou- Adam says his decision to become
do Havdalah at home and she al-
"Anything that needs to be and support their religious ple."
more observant was not exclu-
done must go in his direction. It's growth toward a mutually
Jordana overheard the quip, sively spurred by thoughts of ways makes sure I have my kip-
pah on."
really a big step. But you know agreed-upon goal.
laughed and caught Adam's at- marriage.
However, the Lowens differ a
something? We enjoy it," Mr.
That's what Adam Brown and tention.
"I always knew I wanted to be bit when it comes to eating pork.
Brown says.
his future wife have planned.
After the Hillel function, more religious," he says.
"If it were up to me, Jaimie
Adam's "conversion" has
Adam met Jordana Morse, 21, Adam, Jordana and a group of
Becoming that way, he found,
broadened his whole family's at a 1993 hayride sponsored by friends nabbed a midnight snack took work. He gave up foods like would never put bacon in her
knowledge of Judaism. Once a Hillel of Metro Detroit. After the at the kosher Dunkin' Donuts on pepperoni pizza and cheeseburg- mouth. But if my wife took her
week, the Browns gather with group's horse-driven, straw-toss- Northwestern Highway. There, ers and began keeping the Sab- out to breakfast and my daugh-
other Jews to study in small ing escapade around an Ypsilan- Adam and "JJ" chatted and de- bath. He has studied with rabbis ter ordered bacon, I'm not going
groups led by Rabbi Alon Tolwin, ti farm, nearly 50 young adults cided to see each other again. Jor- and speaks with JJ's father to to stop her," he says.
Conservative Rabbi Daniel
educational director of Aish Ha- entered a barn for a hoedown. dana was reared Orthodox and learn more.
Nevins of Adat Shalom Syna-
Torah and rabbi at Young Israel Those who didn't want to dance attended Akiva Hebrew Day
"I did my homework, so to gogue believes Jewishly "mixed"
of West Bloomfield. Mr. Brown lingered outside roasting marsh- School.
speak," he says.
marriages needn't be a bad ex-
davens with his son at Young Is- mallows.
"Adam knew that I would nev-
The couple plans on rearing perience.
rael while remaining active at
"There were two guys around er give up being Orthodox," she their children Orthodox.
"One parent might set an ex-
Temple Israel.
the campfire who kept bickering," says.
"One thing I've learned about ample for a child to explore an-
When it comes to married cou- Adam recalls. "So I turned
They got engaged last June (a Torah lifestyle) is that I want
other dimension ofJudaism," he
ples, Rabbi Tolwin advocates around and told them they and plan to marry in August. to do it," Adam says. "It's not
a says.
I
J EWIS H NEWS
PHOTO BY GLENN TRIEST