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Presenting .
MRSRDR
THE X FACTOR page 101
Israel Summer Experience
for Michigan High School Seniors
June 26-August 2, 1994
Discover your Jewish roots while living the
adventure of a lifetime:
• Take a jeep ride in the desert
• Sleep in a Bedouin tent
• Kayak the Jordan River
'Sift through history at an archeological dig
• Ascend Masada
• Float on the Dead Sea
• Enjoy weekends in Eliot
• Meet hundreds of Israeli and American teens
Cost: $3,950 from Detroit, plus a $130
non-refundable deposit
Open to all Michigan high school seniors
For information: Jeff Kaye or Naomi Blumenberg,
Michigan/Israel Connection, (810) 645-7878
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The Michigan/Israel Connection
is a department of the
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Ailed Jew. Campagn
aware that they differ from their Devorah, the woman his father
ex-spouses in their readiness for had been seeing for several
new relationships. As parents, months, 10-year-old Michael
however, they may not realize showed his anxiety by talking
that their children's readiness is non-stop. Janice, on the other
unlikely to coincide with their hand, had accepted the fact that
own. Most children of divorce, at her divorced mother was going
any age, fantasize that their par- out, but she was upset when Mom
ents will re-unite long after the brought a date home on her par-
parents have separated. When a ents' wedding anniversary. Life
parent begins to date, children are cycle occasions like this are espe-
reminded of the loss of the family cially sensitive times.
Some children actively encour-
unit, and many feel renewed sad-
age dating, seeing it
ness and anger.
as a way to find an-
Some children try
other adult to bring
to make their par-
ents feel guilty; oth-
Most children of happiness to a par-
ent who has been
ers withdraw or act
up in front of the divorce hope their depressed and lone-
ly, or to care for the
date.
parent so the child
It is important to
parents will
can stop worrying.
pay attention to
your child's reac- re-unite long after Here is a potential
new family, thinks
tions and under-
they have
the child; now
stand the causes.
everything will go
When your child is
separated.
back to normal.
hostile to a new per-
A danger is that
son in your life, is it
the child may get
because, in their
mind, no one can ever replace the very attached to this new person
missing parent? Or is your child and suffer another loss if the re-
responding to this individual's lationship ends, or does not turn
personality and the way he treats out to be as first perceived.
As a parent, you can help your
them?
If you wish to continue dating child accept your new relationship
this person, you could try giving in several ways.
First, separate your needs from
them and your child a break from
each other, and then slowly re-in- those of your child. You are enti-
troduce them. The success of a tled to move on with your life. Re-
new relationship may well depend member, however, that your child
on how considerate the person you did not choose this person and
choose is, not only of your needs, may not share your feelings for
him or her.
but of your child's.
Give your child time to under-
Many children simply feel am-
bivalent about this new step by stand and absorb what is hap-
their parent and how it will affect pening.
Be aware of your child's feel-
them. In his first meeting with
ings, and keep the lines of com-
munication open.
Find the right balance between
• Avoid setting up loyalty
offering too much information and
conflicts for your children. Re-
not enough. A new relationship
spect their privacy by not ask-
can be an opportunity to model a
ing them about your
positive way in which adults can
ex-spouse's new relationships.
interact with each other, to ex-
• Consider the seriousness
press gentleness, caring, and love.
of the new relationship before
Most of all, reassure your child
introducing your child to a per-
with the message, "I may be HIS
son with whom you are in-
or HER X, but I will always be
volved.
your parent, and you will always
• Find common interests be-
be my child."
tween your child and the new
person in your life. Plan activ-
Joan Kristall, LCSW,
ities away from home on neu-
coordinates the Families of
tral turf so they can get
Separation and Divorce
acquainted.
Project of Jewish Family
• Avoid pointing out to your
Services in Baltimore.
children comparisons and con-
Gail Lipsitz is the organization's
trasts between your ex-spouse
community relations
and your new relationship.
coordinator.
• When a new relationship
comes along, set aside special
alone time with your children,
particularly if you are a non-
custodial parent. CI
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