A QUESTION OF
Privacy
ttitudes toward an
adult adoptee con-
ducting a search for
his genetic past are chang-
ing. Even 10 years ago, says
Linda Yellin of Post Adop-
tion Resources, the prevail-
ing sentiment was "leave
well enough alone."
But many more adoptees
are not content to do that,
and the system is having to
react with more sensitivity
and insight.
Adoptees tell stories about
social workers and court of-
ficials who have tried to
discourage, and in some
cases, impede a search. In
fact, Ms. Yellin says, Jewish
Family Service was one of
the worst to deal with when
trying to conduct a search.
But that is changing.
Those involved in search
and reunion say JFS is more
willing to assist her in her
quest. She credits adoption
A
and foster care coordinator
Esther Krystal with the
more cooperative approach.
Michigan law is designed
to protect the rights and
privacy of those involved in
the adoption process. An
adult — a parent, adoptee or
birth sibling — can file a
written request for informa-
tion with the adoption agen-
cy or the courts, which must
be processed within 60 days.
That request releases "non-
identifying" information:
date, time and place of birth,
medical history, ethnic and
religious background, and
under what conditions the
birth parents relinquished
their rights to the child.
What is difficult to obtain
is the more classified "iden-
tifying"information, such as
the adoptee's name at birth
and details on both birth
parents and siblings. Get-
ting this information
depends on when the birth
parents terminated their
rights to the adopted child.
30
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1990
JFS is legally required to
release the non-identifying
background, but not much
else. Mrs. Krystal says when
and wherever possible, she
has done extra digging,
making phone inquiries and
acting as an intermediary
between the searching
adoptee and the birth
family.
She recently contacted one
birth mother on behalf of an
adult adoptee. The mother's
reaction was, " 'I already
have four children,' as if this
child didn't belong to her,"
she says. But instead of say-
ing no, she spent the
weekend at the library
researching what it's like
for the birth child. She call-
ed me back and said, 'I will
have contact with the birth
child.' That was very brave
of her. It's important for
them to try to make peace
with this early part of their
lives."
One of the greatest con-
cerns of those opposed to
more open adoption records
is privacy, that an over anx-
ious adoptee will just show
up with no warning at the
birth mother's home. John
Gagern, president of the
Adoption Identity Move-
ment Detroit Chapter says
his agency cautions
adoptees against that. AIM
also has members who act
as go-betweens to avoid just
such an emotional
confrontation.
Another possible reason
for a more responsive JFS is
its new executive director,
Alan Goodman. His wife,
Susan, is an adult adoptee
who has completed a search
and reunion. He is aware of
the issues and emotions in-
volved in all aspects of
adoption.
"We are accountable to a
board of directors and we
have an entire community
breathing down our necks to
make sure we're doing the
right thing," he says. "Con-
sequently, the whole issue of
adoption has been under
careful study by our board
for the last year. We're look-
ing at all of our policies and
procedures to try to figure
out ways we can expand our
programs and provide addi-
tional support services."
For starters, Mrs. Krystal
says she has the go-ahead to
start a peer counseling pro-
gram for adoptive parents
sometime in January. O
— A.C.
Susan Goodman: "The last thing
I wanted to do is hurt my
parents by searching."
meeting except the one her
birth daughter attended.
"I went to a workshop
there that day and people
were looking at me strange-
ly. It turned out they all
knew Johanna (the birth
mother) and they knew this
was going to be a match, but
didn't want to say anything
to me until it was definite."
That night, Mrs. Goodman
spoke to her birth mother
for the first time.
"I remember that I told
her 'My name was Karen'
(her birth name), and I
heard her at the other end
saying, 'It's Karen! It's
Karen!'
"She felt guilty and
apologized for giving me
away. It was just very emo-
tionally charged, more on
her side than on mine. It
was so unreal that this was
actually happening to me."
That encounter opened up
a floodgate of complicated
emotions for those impacted
by the experience. Mrs.
Goodman found she had to
not only manage her own
feelings but contend with
those of her birth mother
and adoptive parents as
well. Over time, though, the
reunion jitters were smooth-
ed out, actually bringing
adopted daughter and adop-
tive parents together.
Mrs. Goodman also has
developed a comfortable
friendship with her birth
mother. Johanna and her
current husband have been
invited to the bar mitzvah of
Mrs. Goodman's eldest son.
Some limits, however,
have put on that rela-
tionship. At first, Johanna
wanted Mrs. Goodman's
children to call her "Grand-
ma," but Mrs. Goodman said
no.
"As much as I could, I
have allowed her into my
life, but not as if she had
always been there."
Many adoptees wrestle
with the question of identi-
ty and how they fit into the
larger picture. For those
adopted into Jewish
families, the question takes
on an added dimension.
Both Susan Goodman and
Cheryl Servetter's birth
mothers are Jewish. Mrs.
Goodman knows that for
sure; Ms. Servetter is 99 per-
cent certain. Still, she has
worried from time to time if
she really is Jewish. She
feels she can't be absolutely
sure until she finds her
birth mother.
The question of "Who am
I" religiously or ethnically
is not unique to adoptees,
but can compound an
adoptee's already uncertain
sense of self and intensify
his desire to feel connected
to a biological and cultural
heritage.
"I don't want to say that
Jewish adoptees, whether
born to a Jewish birth
mother or not, have this pro- -
blem any worse than other
adoptees," Ms. Yellin adds.
"It depends on the family
and their sense of not just
religion, but community —
a sense of belonging and ac-
ceptance by the family."
In other words, if the child
feels accepted, takes on the
family's belief system and
feels connected in some way,
he is more inclined to con-
tinue to embrace the Jewish
faith and heritage,
regardless
of
birth
parentage.
Ms. Yellin adds that the
dynamics involved —
children feeling one sibling
is more loved and accepted
than another, for example —
occur in families where all
of the ties are by blood. An
adoptee's Jewishness is just
one more ingredient in the
emotional stew.
Sometimes the adoptee
allies with the birth family
for either cultural or other