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teers, and we don't always
need them. We need the men
now."
The Special Friends pro-
gram matches the volunteers
with children aged 6-13. The
program has had as many as
seven pairings in recent
years, though the current
number is two. As JFS social
worker Fay Rosen explains,
the relatively low numbers
reflect more the lack of
volunteers than the lack of
children needing special
friends.
When Mrs. Abejean first
brought in Philippe, the staff
was helpful and "encourag-
ing, though they couldn't
make any promises." Months
passed with no volunteers,
and even a patient 10-year-old
can get tired of waiting.
"Every few weeks Philippe
would ask, 'Did they call
yet?' " says his mother.
When volunteers step for-
ward, they are screened by
Schneider and Rosen, who
strive to match the adult with
a child who they think he'll
get along with. It's no easy
task. "We want these mat-
ches to stick," says Schneider,
"so we ask for at least a one-
year commitment from our
special friends."
The time commitment,
Schneider admits, has kept
some potential special friends
from signing on. "We used to
ask for a two-year commit-
ment, but we found that a lot
of young adults, especially,
couldn't tell us where they
might be in two years." A one-
year pledge, based on one
visit a week, offers more flex-
ibility. Even better, "many of
our special friends keep in
touch informally with their
kids after their year is up,"
says Schneider.
That's how it happened for
Jeff Barker. A West Bloom-
field real estate executive,
= Barker had long been active
in the Allied Jewish Cam-
paign when he heard about
Special Friends in 1986. He
says he was immediately in-
terested. "Though my own
parents were never divorced,
I'd have wanted a service like
this if I'd grown up in that
position. Plus, I wanted to do
something for the communi-
ty not connected with cam-
paigns."
The Special Friends staff
responded quickly to Jeffs in-
quiries. They invited him to
the JFS offices in Southfield
to meet with a young boy and
his mother. "We visited for a
few minutes, then made plans
to go out the next Saturday,"
Barker recalls.
Thus began a two-year
friendship that Barker
describes as both fun and
fulfilling. "We'd go skating or
Philippe Abejean is an active youngster, bright in and out of school.
to the movies!' he says of
those Saturdays. "Though
you don't necesarily have
common interests, that's not
really important. What's im-
portant is being there to talk
about family, friends, school.
Sometimes I'd change the
subject and talk about things
that weren't problems. And
we'd talk about things he
didn't want to discuss with
his parents."
Aware that the Special
Friends lacked men, Barker
tried to promote the program.
"My friends thought it was
great, but they didn't get in-
volved. You have to want it
enough to commit!"
Toward the end of his two
years, Barker prepared to end
his regular visits. "I'd wonder
at times if I was doing any
good with him," he says, "but
then I was asked by my
special friend to have a part
in his bar mitzvah. Then I
knew I really meant
something to him, that he
chose me over his own family
members and friends."
Barker is no longer in the
Special Friends program —
his own first child is on the
way — but he keeps in touch
with his young pal occasional-
ly. While Barker fits the
young single or married-with-
no-children profile of the
typical special friend, by no
means is any volunteer judg-
ed on the basis of age. "We've
had special friends in their
50s and 60s," says Schneider.
Abejean agrees that "a
retiree, a nice grandfather
type, would be very good for
Philippe." For volunteers of
any age, the program is a
great way to learn more about
children.
In addition to the weekly
commitment, volunteers also
get together every four
months to trade stories and
advice.
Schneider says potential
volunteers often ask if there's
any pressure to spend money
on their young charges. "I tell
them not at all," she says.
"The focus of the program is
talking to the kids."
Sometimes talking takes a
little getting used to. "Some
children aren't always ar-
ticulate with their feelings,"
Rosen says. "You need to
hang in there. Some kids just
aren't as talkative as others!'
And few kids are as
talkative as Philippe, who can
happily hold forth on his
talent in spelling, his fond-
ness for Ninja Turtles and
"DuckTales," and his goal to
be an astronaut. But to that
special friend he knows is out
there, he has a simple
message: "Hurry!" ❑
For information about Special
Friends, call Marcy Schneider
at Jewish Family Service,
559-1500.
A profile of a youngster in
need of a special friend will
appear each week in the
Amazing Marketplace section
of The Jewish News,
beginning today, through a
special arrangement between
the Jewish Vocational Service
and The Jewish News.