MITZVAH PEOPLE • Beada Beads Seeking A Friend Continued from preceding page [8emiprecious Beads Pearls Ethnic Glass Pendants A"- Findings 14K Goldfill 6terling eSilver 8upplies 549-1005 Mon-Fri 10:30-6 eSat till 4:00 Mother's Day Sale 20 % -50 % OFF EVERYTHING • • • • • Fila • Head • Sergio Tacchini • Tail • Ellesse • Nike • Keds • Le Coq Sportif • SALE ENDS MAY 12th All Merchandise Is Refundable and Exchangeable Excludes Tarts and Fda Beach Volleyball Try— fivArzs Peade 29983 Northwestern Hwy. Applegate Square • Southfield 357.7744 Mon.-Sat. 10-5:30 Thursday 10-8:00 I- MANICU R WITH PURCHASE OF SHOES. New Customers Minimum $30 Exp. 5-28-90 AUDRIANNA'S SHOE GALLERY L 28649 104 Northwestern Hwy., Southfield 355-1640 FRIDAY, MAY 11, 1990 teers, and we don't always need them. We need the men now." The Special Friends pro- gram matches the volunteers with children aged 6-13. The program has had as many as seven pairings in recent years, though the current number is two. As JFS social worker Fay Rosen explains, the relatively low numbers reflect more the lack of volunteers than the lack of children needing special friends. When Mrs. Abejean first brought in Philippe, the staff was helpful and "encourag- ing, though they couldn't make any promises." Months passed with no volunteers, and even a patient 10-year-old can get tired of waiting. "Every few weeks Philippe would ask, 'Did they call yet?' " says his mother. When volunteers step for- ward, they are screened by Schneider and Rosen, who strive to match the adult with a child who they think he'll get along with. It's no easy task. "We want these mat- ches to stick," says Schneider, "so we ask for at least a one- year commitment from our special friends." The time commitment, Schneider admits, has kept some potential special friends from signing on. "We used to ask for a two-year commit- ment, but we found that a lot of young adults, especially, couldn't tell us where they might be in two years." A one- year pledge, based on one visit a week, offers more flex- ibility. Even better, "many of our special friends keep in touch informally with their kids after their year is up," says Schneider. That's how it happened for Jeff Barker. A West Bloom- field real estate executive, = Barker had long been active in the Allied Jewish Cam- paign when he heard about Special Friends in 1986. He says he was immediately in- terested. "Though my own parents were never divorced, I'd have wanted a service like this if I'd grown up in that position. Plus, I wanted to do something for the communi- ty not connected with cam- paigns." The Special Friends staff responded quickly to Jeffs in- quiries. They invited him to the JFS offices in Southfield to meet with a young boy and his mother. "We visited for a few minutes, then made plans to go out the next Saturday," Barker recalls. Thus began a two-year friendship that Barker describes as both fun and fulfilling. "We'd go skating or Philippe Abejean is an active youngster, bright in and out of school. to the movies!' he says of those Saturdays. "Though you don't necesarily have common interests, that's not really important. What's im- portant is being there to talk about family, friends, school. Sometimes I'd change the subject and talk about things that weren't problems. And we'd talk about things he didn't want to discuss with his parents." Aware that the Special Friends lacked men, Barker tried to promote the program. "My friends thought it was great, but they didn't get in- volved. You have to want it enough to commit!" Toward the end of his two years, Barker prepared to end his regular visits. "I'd wonder at times if I was doing any good with him," he says, "but then I was asked by my special friend to have a part in his bar mitzvah. Then I knew I really meant something to him, that he chose me over his own family members and friends." Barker is no longer in the Special Friends program — his own first child is on the way — but he keeps in touch with his young pal occasional- ly. While Barker fits the young single or married-with- no-children profile of the typical special friend, by no means is any volunteer judg- ed on the basis of age. "We've had special friends in their 50s and 60s," says Schneider. Abejean agrees that "a retiree, a nice grandfather type, would be very good for Philippe." For volunteers of any age, the program is a great way to learn more about children. In addition to the weekly commitment, volunteers also get together every four months to trade stories and advice. Schneider says potential volunteers often ask if there's any pressure to spend money on their young charges. "I tell them not at all," she says. "The focus of the program is talking to the kids." Sometimes talking takes a little getting used to. "Some children aren't always ar- ticulate with their feelings," Rosen says. "You need to hang in there. Some kids just aren't as talkative as others!' And few kids are as talkative as Philippe, who can happily hold forth on his talent in spelling, his fond- ness for Ninja Turtles and "DuckTales," and his goal to be an astronaut. But to that special friend he knows is out there, he has a simple message: "Hurry!" ❑ For information about Special Friends, call Marcy Schneider at Jewish Family Service, 559-1500. A profile of a youngster in need of a special friend will appear each week in the Amazing Marketplace section of The Jewish News, beginning today, through a special arrangement between the Jewish Vocational Service and The Jewish News.