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152
FRIDAY, APRIL 13, 1990
A new book by Hadassah tackles the complex issues
involved in Jewish marital status.
(1) Membership of notional lot exchange
Accepted by
representatives of the
Orthodox, Conservative
and Reform communities
1
Dealing With Matters
Of The Heart
V
American Heart Association
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Special to The Jewish News
y
our 1 8-year-old
daughter comes home
one day and an-
nounces that she's moving in
with her boyfriend. How do
you react? Where do you
turn? What are the Jewish
perspectives toward this and
other situations that involve
love and marriage?
The answers to these ques-
tions can be found in a wide-
ranging new book, Jewish
Marital Status, commission-
ed by Hadassah, the Wo-
men's Zionist Organization
of America. The book deals
with traditional and con-
temporary issues from all
different angles of Judaism.
The topics progress from
singles, through marriage,
divorce, widowed and
remarriage, and also contain
large sections on intermar-
riage and gays and lesbians
in the Jewish community.
Jewish Marital Status is
"not just a book, but a con-
cept," said Dr. Carol Dia-
ment, editor of the volume
and national director of Jew-
ish education at Hadassah,
based in New York City. She
explained that the book is
one component of a massive
effort to reach out and
educate the Jewish commun-
ity about the different
lifestyles that exist among
Jews.
The idea for the book
began in 1986 at a Hadassah
convention on Miami Beach.
A Greek cultural convention
was at the hotel at the same
time, and Hadassah mem-
bers noticed an important
difference from their own
convention. While the
Greeks focused on cultural
events, they also brought
young people together to in-
troduce them to each other
and encourage marriage
within Greek Orthodoxy.
Diament said that she real-
ized that Hadassah should
be doing something to reach
out to Jews in the face of
Jewish demographic prob-
lems such as rising inter-
Michael Farbowitz, a recent
graduate of Johns Hopkins
University in Baltimore, Md.,
is now studying in Israel.
marriage, delayed marriage
and falling birthrate.
The goal of the book is two-
fold, explained Diament, the
first woman to earn a doc-
torate in Jewish studies
from Yeshiva University.
The first goal is "to pro-
vide classical teachings that
raise consciousness about
the Jewish obligations in
marriage and child-raising."
In addition, "we hope to en-
courage the Jewish com-
munity to acknowledge and
reach out to those Jews with
alternative lifestyles. We
Carol Diament:
Spur Jewish activism?
tried to make the book a
comprehensive, richly tex-
tured portrait of people in all
lifestyles," she said.
Another goal was to pre-
sent a balanced view of the
issues. Articles by religious
leaders of the Orthodox,
Conservative, Reform and
Reconstructionist
movements can be found.
Both traditional and liberal
viewpoints of homosexuality
and premarital sex are pre-
sented. "Only if the issues
touch the young people will
they be attracted to the
movement," said Diament.
The 387-page hardbound
book contains 43 essays.
"Some are professional ex-
positions, others confes-
sional exhibitions," said
Rabbi David Feldman, one of
the book's contributors.
The personal essays in-
clude a young man grappl-
ing with traditional obser-
vance and premarital sexual
encounters, a mother's
thoughts on her daughter's
first trip to the mikvah
before her wedding and a
lesbian woman explaining
her sexual orientation to her
grandmother, while making
gefilte fish.
Each issue is explored
from different perspectives.
For example, the section on
gays and lesbians presents
both traditional and liberal
points of view.
In the first essay, Janet
Marder, a Reform rabbi,
discusses the changes in at-
titude that she went through
when she accepted the post
as rabbi of a synagogue for
gays and lesbians in Los
Angeles.
She said that at first she
harbored a prejudice, based
on stereotypes and lack of
knowledge about homosex-
uality. As she became
friendly with her con-
gregants, she became much
more understanding of their
way of life, and accepted
their behavior. She was then
forced to reconcile her feel-
ings with traditional
teachings and Halachah,
which treat homosexuality
as an abomination.
Rabbi Marder decided that
the laws and ancient
teachings were not absolute,
and were written by human
beings who did not under-
stand and were fearful of
homosexuality.
Representing the opposing
point of view was Rabbi
David Feldman, author of
Marital Relations: Con-
traception and Abortion in
Jewish Law, who said that
homosexuality is not an ac-
ceptable lifestyle according
to traditional Jewish law.
He concluded that it is im-
portant to "love the sinner,
but hate the sin."
Diament admitted that
dealing with homosexuality
was difficult. "There was
tremendous resistance in
some quarters of Hadassah
to treating the relationships
of gays and lesbians," she
said. At the same time, "we
realize that there are Jewish
gay and lesbian homes
whose residents have Jewish
attitudes and needs; we felt
it was incumbent upon us to
acknowledge these homes."
Intermarriage also pre-
sented similar problems
since discussing the topic
might might be seen as ac-
cepting intermarriage or
condoning it. ❑