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September 23, 1988 - Image 134

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1988-09-23

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

Jewish Single-Parent Families
Reflect Trend Of General Community

By ELAINE ZAKS

Family is a central concept in
the living of a Jewish life. We pride
ourselves on this fact, which is
recognized by the non-Jewish world.
However, Jewish families are
not immune from societal pressures.
The effect of divorce on family life is
documented. A study conducted by
the Council of Jewish Federations
concluded that more than 10
percent of American Jewish families
with minor children are headed by a
single parent. A recent study in
Chicago concluded that between
1971 and 1983, single-parent
families increased by 47 percent.
The stresses these families
experience are familiar to those in
the field of social work. We have
learned that single-parent
households cope, often admirably
and with great creativity, in ways
that help offset this unexpected or
unwelcome change.
Single-parent families with
growing children try to complete the
same tasks and objectives that
other families face, including the
nurturing and emancipation of
children, the maintenance of
economic viability and the emotional
contentment of the adults.
The single-parent family is born
of a loss. There is grief and
mourning as ex-spouses mourn the
loss of marriage-inspired hopes and
dreams and children mourn the loss
of family and its common protective
umbrella. Children worry about the
future of their parents. Parents worry
for the wounds inflicted upon their
children.
How well family members
emerge from the grief depends on
many factors, including the ability of
the parents to cooperatively raise
their children from separate
households. Children often carry an
extra burden when divorce evolves
into an indefinitely waged Cold War,
with the marital battleground
emerging as a parenting
battleground. In many families, this
animosity emerges at times of

eeh aiall

THE JEWISH NEWS

20300 Civic Center Drive
Suite 240
Southfield, Michigan 48076
September 23, 1988

Associate Publisher Arthur M. Horwitz
News Editor Heidi Press
Jewish Experiences for Families
Adviser Harlene W. Appleman
Illustrator Neil Beckman

L-2

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1988

celebration — b'nai and b'not
mitzvah, graduations and
weddings.
The reverberations of divorce
are felt throughout a three-
generation family system. Often,
feelings of grandparents coping with
a family system breakdown are
ignored by mental health
professionals. Grandparents can
attest to a consuming and realistic
fear they will lose relationships with
grandchildren if bitterness between
ex-spouses rules family
relationships.
Depending on the needs and
situation of the family, Jewish Family
Service offers options, including
individual, conjoint, group and
family psychotherapy. The overriding
thrust is to support the family
system so that wounds heal and
normal development of family
members can continue.
We need to ask ourselves
whether we have confronted a
mythology of Jewish immunity from
certain family problems and have
taken time to assess what the state
of the Jewish family is in our
community.
Do we know how the single-
parent family is faring? Can we be
certain we are providing the support
these families require? Are our
institutions truly accessible? Do we
program for their needs? What are
the economic realities of these
families? Can they afford to affiliate
with synagogues? With the Jewish
Center? Have we asked these
families to tell us what their needs
are? What do the children require
that will help them face the issues
of a permanently altered family life?
As a community, we must
commit ourselves to study these
questions rather than assume we
could not — even inadvertently —
fail to notice that the Jewish family
may be changing beyond our
wildest imaginings.

Elaine Zaks is supervisor of
Resettlement Service and
supervisor of family therapy at
Jewish Family Service.

Family Event

The Jimmy Prentis Morris
Building of the Jewish Community
Center will be turned into an
exploration of the story of Noah on
Oct. 9 at 1 p.m.
The event is sponsored by
Jewish Experiences For Families,
The Jewish News L'Chayim Family
Section and the Jewish Community
Center.

Meeting Needs

Continued from Page L-1

statistics of single-parent homes,
even though these children may
have lived with only one parent for
one, three or even four years before
their parent remarried.
The vast majority of single-
parent families in the Jewish
community are headed by women.
Popular mythology would have us
believe that men are playing a
much larger role in raising children
when divorce occurs. Men are more
likely than 20 years ago to have the
children live with them after a
divorce. But in most communities,
80 percent or more of single parent
families are headed by women.
Single-parent families have a
very different demographic profile
compared to families with two
parents. The most striking difference
is income level. Single-parent
families on the average have
incomes 25 percent to 50 percent
less than two-parent families.
Single-parent families headed by
women have the lowest incomes.
Most single-parent women work
outside the home for pay, but often
are producing incomes far below
the median income in their Jewish
community.
The need for services of all
kinds and the need to subsidize

them has placed a special demand
on Jewish organizations and
agencies. Day care, latchkey
programs, transportation programs,
special counseling programs and
many other services are needed to
a great degree by families, most
often women, who cannot afford to
pay for them fully.
The family is the cornerstone of
Jewish life and continuity. Support
of single-parent families is a sacred
communal obligation. The continued
funding and expansion of services
to single-parent families will remain
a critical social and human need in
the Jewish community over the next
decade.

Family Study

A new opportunity for parents
and teens to study together is being
offered as a cooperative venture of
United Hebrew Schools, the
National Conference of Synagogue
Youth and Jewish Experiences For
Families.
The program is being offered at
U.H.S. on Sundays at 11 a.m. and
at other congregation sites in the
community. For information, contact
Rabbi Bruce Aft at United Hebrew
Schools, 354-1050.

Ties That Unbind

Continued from Page L-1

There is no issue as to who was
right and who was wrong, who did
this and who did that.
The "get" takes place in the
presence of the Jewish Court and
their witnesses. The "sofer" or
scribe is also present to write the
document. The court requires the
clear statement on the part of both
parties that they are willingly
participating in this procedure.
Under rare circumstances when
either man or woman are unable to
appear in the court together, there
is a procedure that will allow the
appointment of representatives.
If either the husband or wife
refuses to participate in the "get,"
the community is obligated to
intervene on behalf of a spouse to
demand that the divorce be finalized
according to Jewish law. One
organization, active nationwide,
dedicated to dealing with the
recalcitrant spouse is "G.E.T.,"
which stands for: "Getting Equal
Treatment." This group of
professionals and lay people
counsel and direct individual
communities towards securing the
full right of divorce for either party.
There are several local civil judges
who have ruled that the right to
remarry should be viewed as the

community property of divorce and
will thus direct the parties to do
whatever is necessary to secure
this.
The actual "get" process
requires the presence of an expert
scholar in talmudic law as the
individual requirements in the
writing of the document can be
rather complex. Only such
documents written by a recognized
expert in Jewish law are accepted
worldwide. In our community, Rabbi
Leizer Levin, the president of the
Council of Orthodox Rabbis, has
been writing "gittin" for several
decades and is a world recognized
scholar in this area. While there is a
small charge for the procedure, no
one is turned away because of an
inability to pay.
The proper writing of the
divorce document is a tie that
unbinds two people in a marriage
but yet binds together the Jewish
people. Without the "get" the tragic
situation in which Jewish children
are unable to marry one another is
created. Then the boundaries
between the Tribes become
insurmountable.

Rabbi Goldberg is the spiritual
leader of Young Israel of Southfield.

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