Jewish Single-Parent Families Reflect Trend Of General Community By ELAINE ZAKS Family is a central concept in the living of a Jewish life. We pride ourselves on this fact, which is recognized by the non-Jewish world. However, Jewish families are not immune from societal pressures. The effect of divorce on family life is documented. A study conducted by the Council of Jewish Federations concluded that more than 10 percent of American Jewish families with minor children are headed by a single parent. A recent study in Chicago concluded that between 1971 and 1983, single-parent families increased by 47 percent. The stresses these families experience are familiar to those in the field of social work. We have learned that single-parent households cope, often admirably and with great creativity, in ways that help offset this unexpected or unwelcome change. Single-parent families with growing children try to complete the same tasks and objectives that other families face, including the nurturing and emancipation of children, the maintenance of economic viability and the emotional contentment of the adults. The single-parent family is born of a loss. There is grief and mourning as ex-spouses mourn the loss of marriage-inspired hopes and dreams and children mourn the loss of family and its common protective umbrella. Children worry about the future of their parents. Parents worry for the wounds inflicted upon their children. How well family members emerge from the grief depends on many factors, including the ability of the parents to cooperatively raise their children from separate households. Children often carry an extra burden when divorce evolves into an indefinitely waged Cold War, with the marital battleground emerging as a parenting battleground. In many families, this animosity emerges at times of eeh aiall THE JEWISH NEWS 20300 Civic Center Drive Suite 240 Southfield, Michigan 48076 September 23, 1988 Associate Publisher Arthur M. Horwitz News Editor Heidi Press Jewish Experiences for Families Adviser Harlene W. Appleman Illustrator Neil Beckman L-2 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1988 celebration — b'nai and b'not mitzvah, graduations and weddings. The reverberations of divorce are felt throughout a three- generation family system. Often, feelings of grandparents coping with a family system breakdown are ignored by mental health professionals. Grandparents can attest to a consuming and realistic fear they will lose relationships with grandchildren if bitterness between ex-spouses rules family relationships. Depending on the needs and situation of the family, Jewish Family Service offers options, including individual, conjoint, group and family psychotherapy. The overriding thrust is to support the family system so that wounds heal and normal development of family members can continue. We need to ask ourselves whether we have confronted a mythology of Jewish immunity from certain family problems and have taken time to assess what the state of the Jewish family is in our community. Do we know how the single- parent family is faring? Can we be certain we are providing the support these families require? Are our institutions truly accessible? Do we program for their needs? What are the economic realities of these families? Can they afford to affiliate with synagogues? With the Jewish Center? Have we asked these families to tell us what their needs are? What do the children require that will help them face the issues of a permanently altered family life? As a community, we must commit ourselves to study these questions rather than assume we could not — even inadvertently — fail to notice that the Jewish family may be changing beyond our wildest imaginings. Elaine Zaks is supervisor of Resettlement Service and supervisor of family therapy at Jewish Family Service. Family Event The Jimmy Prentis Morris Building of the Jewish Community Center will be turned into an exploration of the story of Noah on Oct. 9 at 1 p.m. The event is sponsored by Jewish Experiences For Families, The Jewish News L'Chayim Family Section and the Jewish Community Center. Meeting Needs Continued from Page L-1 statistics of single-parent homes, even though these children may have lived with only one parent for one, three or even four years before their parent remarried. The vast majority of single- parent families in the Jewish community are headed by women. Popular mythology would have us believe that men are playing a much larger role in raising children when divorce occurs. Men are more likely than 20 years ago to have the children live with them after a divorce. But in most communities, 80 percent or more of single parent families are headed by women. Single-parent families have a very different demographic profile compared to families with two parents. The most striking difference is income level. Single-parent families on the average have incomes 25 percent to 50 percent less than two-parent families. Single-parent families headed by women have the lowest incomes. Most single-parent women work outside the home for pay, but often are producing incomes far below the median income in their Jewish community. The need for services of all kinds and the need to subsidize them has placed a special demand on Jewish organizations and agencies. Day care, latchkey programs, transportation programs, special counseling programs and many other services are needed to a great degree by families, most often women, who cannot afford to pay for them fully. The family is the cornerstone of Jewish life and continuity. Support of single-parent families is a sacred communal obligation. The continued funding and expansion of services to single-parent families will remain a critical social and human need in the Jewish community over the next decade. Family Study A new opportunity for parents and teens to study together is being offered as a cooperative venture of United Hebrew Schools, the National Conference of Synagogue Youth and Jewish Experiences For Families. The program is being offered at U.H.S. on Sundays at 11 a.m. and at other congregation sites in the community. For information, contact Rabbi Bruce Aft at United Hebrew Schools, 354-1050. Ties That Unbind Continued from Page L-1 There is no issue as to who was right and who was wrong, who did this and who did that. The "get" takes place in the presence of the Jewish Court and their witnesses. The "sofer" or scribe is also present to write the document. The court requires the clear statement on the part of both parties that they are willingly participating in this procedure. Under rare circumstances when either man or woman are unable to appear in the court together, there is a procedure that will allow the appointment of representatives. If either the husband or wife refuses to participate in the "get," the community is obligated to intervene on behalf of a spouse to demand that the divorce be finalized according to Jewish law. One organization, active nationwide, dedicated to dealing with the recalcitrant spouse is "G.E.T.," which stands for: "Getting Equal Treatment." This group of professionals and lay people counsel and direct individual communities towards securing the full right of divorce for either party. There are several local civil judges who have ruled that the right to remarry should be viewed as the community property of divorce and will thus direct the parties to do whatever is necessary to secure this. The actual "get" process requires the presence of an expert scholar in talmudic law as the individual requirements in the writing of the document can be rather complex. Only such documents written by a recognized expert in Jewish law are accepted worldwide. In our community, Rabbi Leizer Levin, the president of the Council of Orthodox Rabbis, has been writing "gittin" for several decades and is a world recognized scholar in this area. While there is a small charge for the procedure, no one is turned away because of an inability to pay. The proper writing of the divorce document is a tie that unbinds two people in a marriage but yet binds together the Jewish people. Without the "get" the tragic situation in which Jewish children are unable to marry one another is created. Then the boundaries between the Tribes become insurmountable. Rabbi Goldberg is the spiritual leader of Young Israel of Southfield.