SINGLE LIFE
Finding
The Love
Of Your Life
90 DAYS TO A PERMANENT RELA ?IONS*
Ben Dominitz gives
singles a method for
meeting a member of the
opposite sex for a
worthwhile relationship
HEIDI PRESS
News Editor
D
oes this sound familiar? How
many times have you sat
home on a Saturday night
_wishing you had a date, but
ended up listening to Dick
Bartley's Solid Gold Saturday Night?
Once, a couple of times, every Satur-
day night?
All the good men are gone, the
women say. All the women are JAPs,
the men cry. Outside of friends,
there's no one with whom to go out,
many complain. But think a minute.
Have you tried, really made a con-
certed effort to meet members of the
opposite sex to date? According to Ben
Dominitz, if you're still in front of the
TV on Saturday night, then you real-
ly haven't been trying that hard.
Dominitz, an educator and presi-
dent of his own marketing company,
has created a method for singles to
find that special person with whom to
share a relationship. He explains it in
How to Find the Love of Your Life: 90
Days to a Permanent Relationship
(Prima Publishing and
Communications).
Dominitz says singles should
make just as concerted an effort fin-
ding a mate as they would looking for
a job. No one said it Would be easy.
Yet, in non-preachy — sometimes.
"hip" — language, the California-
based Dominitz advises his readers to
take a good look at themselves,
evaluate their strengths and
weaknesses, feel confident and com-
municate with others a desire to meet
potential dates.
Planning and goal seeking are
important factors in the Dominitz
program. He suggests that by not hav-
ing a time frame, persons tend to pro-
crastinate and not follow through
with their plans. Getting rid of old
emotional "garbage" is another piece
of advice he offers.
In a chapter entitled "Removing
the Obstacles," Dominitz tells his
readers how to unload the old way of
looking for love and open up to a new
process: give yourself a positive focus;
don't blame anyone for your
singlehood. If you don't like it, do
something about it. Take yourself
away from mindless distractions and
focus your activities on meeting new
people. Don't be ambivalent about
your feelings of independence as a
single and desire for a permanent
relationship; make a choice. Learn to
overcome the "fear of rejection." Don't
be afraid to take risks; learn from
your experiences. Make a commit-
ment to yourself, that your mission is
to find someone with whom to -share
your life.-At this point Dominitz in-
cludes a pledge to be signed by the
reader stating that he/she has made
a commitment to himself/herself to
proceed with the search.
The Dominitz volume is loaded
with advice, most of it really common
sense. In a chapter entitled "The
Secret of Being 'Attract'-ive,"
Dominitz-tells singles how to make
themselves more appealing by con-
sidering the following: personal
hygiene, outer appearance, self-
acceptance (be genuine), have a sense
of direction, make others feel special,
be a good listener, learn to flirt (make
eye, contact, smile). Be the best you
can be, he advises. "Take a look at
yourself as you are now, and make
whatever changes you deem
necessary. Your life may never be
quite the same."
Finding
a mate
is like
looking for
a job.
But, this is only the tip of the
iceberg. Dominitz suggests that
readers make lists about their.
strengths and weaknesses and of per- .
sons they know who may know other.
singles, and then follow through with
appointments meeting these contacts.
He also suggests that either the man.
or the woman can take the initiative
to call the Person of the Opposite Sex
(POS) for a "coffee data" It's a time-
consuming process. In our fast-paced
society, does Dominitz really believe
that singles will Make the time?
"I'd think they'd better," he said.
They have to take time out to ask
`what kind of person is right for me.'
If people are too busy to think and
plan their life, then it will be like a
sinking ship." Dominitz commented
that it wouldn't be too much for a
single to take two hours out of his/her
schedule to plan for the rest of his/her
life.
A native of Israel, Dominitz was
trained as a concert violinist and con-
ductor at the Juilliard School and at
the University of Cincinnati. He left
the music world to starthis own sales
training business and became a con-
sultant in the field of career counsel-
ing. He has written a travel book and
is on the continuing education facul-
ty of more than 20 colleges and
universities.
He wrote the book after speaking
with many unhappy, lonely singles.
Dominitz said he saw that singles
were somehow outside the communi-
ty and it's the aim of his book to put
them back in via networking with
others who may have access to "hid-
den singles," friends of friends, friends
of relatives, friends of acquaintances
and the like.
So far, he says, reaction to his book
from singles has been positive. "I've
been getting some very nice mail. I
got a wedding invitation from so-
meone who met their mate (using his
book)." Even persons in the
behavioral sciences have welcomed
How To Find the Love of Your Life.
"The reaction has been universally
positive. Some psychologists are
ordering it for their clients."
Dominitz wrote the book after he
was married, at a time when he was
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
93