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FREE LANCE ARTIST
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LYNN
477-2069
young, about 21 years of age for
females, and 24 for males,
there is not an abundance of
older singles with whom they
can interact.
Unlike non-Orthodox Jews,
they limit themselves to dating
people with a similar degree of
religious observance. Most Or-
thodox singles look for other
Jews who are Shomer Shabbat
(keeping all the laws of the
Sabbath) and who kept kosher.
Religious compromises are not
acceptable to most Orthodox
single adults.
Says Bob K., a 25 year old, "I
prefer an Orthodox girl. I do
date, and have dated, non-
Orthodox girls, and I'll find out
after the first date whether
this is worth a second date be-
cause she's not religious and I
am. Is this going to lead any-
where? Usually the girl under-
stands the same thing, and
things will break off after that
with just a friendship and
nothing more involved than
that. So, I suppose if things are
going to work out, it would
have to be with an Orthodox
girl.
"That doesn't rule out the
possibility of my dating a
non-Orthodox girl. There's al-
ways the possibility that if I
went out with a non-Orthodox
girl she might be willing to
change and become more ob-
servant. I couldn't become less
observant myself. We have
come too far to make com-
promises now.
"I think I see some girls out
there who aren't sure about •
their religion in the first place
and they're kind of curious.
Being that they are curious, it
doesn't totally turn them off.
It's a case of, 'Well, maybe
there's something to this,' and
they'll actually look into the
situation. Some of them will
find it's too much for them, but
others will 'go for it.' That's
what I can hope for, at least
with the limited variety of Or-
thodox people we have here to
go out with."
Another single, Susie
Broder, who's in her late 20s,
agrees with Bob, and adds,
"For me, it's a priority that the
other person is Orthodox. At
least he must have a strong
Jewish identity and see that
keeping kosher is important.
He must be willing to grow and
learn. I look for someone who's
receptive to having spiritual
background. It's hard for me to
relate to anyone who lacks
this. Sometimes I find people
are intimidated by the fact I'm
Orthodox." Broder is a member
of the growing Baal Teshuvah
movement which encourages a
complete commitment to
Judaism from previously non-
religious Jews.
Where do people like Broder
meet similarly-minded singles
in Detroit? Particularly when
the singles scene is not part of
the lifestyle?
"You meet them either
through shidduchs or by
chance," comments Broder.
"These are by introduction, or
perhaps by meeting someone
at a wedding or an occasion
like that. In Detroit, it's easier
for younger singles to meet
others, than for older ones. I
meet new people at Jewish
functions — like dinners, the
Book Fair, the Jewish Com-
munity Center — or when I'm
invited to spend Shabbat at
someone's home."
According to Dave Kruger, a
45-year-old divorced father of
three, "From my observation, I
think people meet each other
because they've known each
other — the Orthodox commu-
nity here is small. There's
really no plan or structure of
Orthodox singles in this com-
munity. I'm in a little bit of a
different position than many of
the singles. They are primarily
the younger ones, in their
mid-late 20s. Even in that age
_ group a lot of them go out of
town to New York. There's a
much larger Jewish commu-
nity there and so there's more
of a variety."
There is a definite tendency
of Detroit's Orthodox singles to
travel to New York, Chicago,
Toronto and other large cities
to date, or to find a shidduch.
For many it is a temporary
move, and they will return.
Others start a new life in their
adopted home and do not come
back. Even some of the
matchmaking rabbis of the
community encourage - the
inter-city dating, the philos-
ophy apparently being that it
is better to lose a member of the
community to another city,
rather than have him marry
someone whose background is
not the same.
"We certainly do lose some of
our singles to New York, Los
Angeles, Toronto. It is unfor-
tunate. We do try to help on an
individual basis, but we do lose
a lot of people to other com-
munities," confirms
Jacobovitz. He does try to help
Detroit's singles by inviting
groups of them to spend Shab-
bat in his home.
Orthodox
the
Are
synagogues doing enough to
promote situations in which
singles can comfortably meet?
Kruger feels there is nothing
much being done by the Or-
thodox community as far as
any formal structured groups,
and very little even in the
non-Orthodox community.
"The synagogues are only
just beginning to recognize the
need for a structured singles
program. In fact there are now
about three synagogues and
temples with such groups and
the Jewish Community Center
has a very strong singles pro-
gram. A group, called `Chav-
ura' has recently begun for
Jewish singles, and although
Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg of
Young Israel of Southfield
speaks to the group on topics of
Jewish interest, it is not geared
to any particular Jewish phi-
losophy, Orthodox or non-
Orthodox."
Fer the Orthodox singles in
the community who do date,
their religious practices put
Continued on Page 78
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