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Friday, December 5, 1986 THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
The fact that he does have
two grown children has posed
minor problems for some that
he has dated. "Sometimes it's
difficult. I do a lot of active
things and I do meet a lot of
younger women and when
they hear that my kids are
18 and 21, its hard for them
to accept it."
"From the standpoint of
being a single parent, I've fo-
cused on my kids. I feel that
as a single parent, I'm learn-
ing about myself and it's
been important for me to
focus on my life and my emo-
tional health. My children
will be able to be healthier in
their development because
I'm taking care of myself.
Plus, I'm a role model rather
than my trying to whip them
into being what I want them
to be."
Judith Katz, 34, of Royal
Oak has been widowed for 5 1/2
years. She has been raising
her six-year-old son, Kenny.
She is currently involved in a
serious relationship with her
boyfriend, Ron, who is di-
vorced and is the custodial
parent of his six-year-old son,
Joey. The four of them are
rapidly learning to make ad-
justments.
"Basically, the problem
that exists between the two
boys is jealousy. Kenny has
been with me alone for
nearly six years and all of a
sudden, he is thrown into a
situation where there is not
only another man involved,
but another child as well.
This man is not his father, so
there's some resentment in
terms of discipline. At the
same time, I think that he's
benefitting from the relation-
ship because he needs a male
role model.
"As far as the other little
boy is concerned, he's very
possessive of his father and
Kenny is very possessive of
me, so you get a situation
where we're all together and
these kids want our time ex-
clusively.
"Most of the time, if we're
going out for the evening, we
get the kids together and
share a sitter. The kids are
together a lot. At times they
resent it and other times they
are best friends."
Then there's the matter of
Ron's ex-wife. "I really don't
have to deal with her that
much. She only takes her son
on certain weekends and
that's it. She harbors a lot of
resentment towards me, al-
though I think she ap-
preciates what I do for her
child in her absence. How-
ever, there probably is some
jealousy involved. I'm more
accessible to her son because
I live very close to Ron and I
see them quite frequently.
"I don't think that that is
our major problem at this
point. The biggest problem is
that the kids take a lot of our
time and it's hard to find
time to be alone together."
Lea Trager, 40, of 'South-
field has been divorced for 2
years. She is the custodial
parent of her 13-year-old
daughter Stacey, and non-
custodial parent of her 10-
year-old son, Jason.
"It's really difficult to be a
non-custodial parent. I really
do feel with the parent that
doesn't have their kids. And I
know the part of being the
custodial parent. So I have
experienced this from both
viewpoints."
Trager's kids are together
every weekend, be it one
weekend with their father,
who lives 60 miles away, or
with her. "When the kids are
with me, very rarely do I go
out. But on the weekends I
don't have the kids, I run
around. During the week, I
try to limit myself to two
nights out because my
daughter needs me at home.
"One of the things that I
don't do, is that I don't in-
volve the children at all with
my dating. At the very be-
ginning, I always meet the
guy away from the house.
The only time the kids meet
someone is after we've estab-
lished a pretty good relation-
ship. I just think it's better
not to involve the kids unless
I really care about the indi-
vidual. Why get them in-
volved and meeting different
men when in most situations,
it never works out and you
don't want to hurt them
anymore than they've already
been. They have gone
through so much in their
lives."
What about spending the
night? "That's only when my
kids aren't home. I have a
teenager living with me and
she's well aware of what's
going on. Something interest-
ing that I wonder about is, in
a couple of years when she
starts dating and I'm dating,
what kind of problems will
arise. Who knows what that's
going to be like."
Taking all this into consid-
eration, Trager said she feels
that it wouldn't be difficult to
enter into a relationship at
this time. "I'd manage, if I'd
meet the right guy."
Larry Rosenberg, 33, of
Southfield is a non-custodial
father who participates
equally in the joint custody of
his five-year-old son, Benja-
min. He has a long-standing
relationship with Karen
Basch, 27, who has never
been married.
At first, Basch had a hard
time. "Getting used to spend-
ing time with a third person
instead of a one-on-one rela-
tionship was an adjustment
for me. When you go out with
someone who is single and
who doesn't have a family,
you can pretty much go and
do anything. When you have
a child involved, you have to
make plans for what you're
going to do with the child, if
the child is going to come
along, or if you're going to
get a sitter for him to stay
home, You just can't get up
and go." But she adds, "the
adjustment was part of the
relationship."
It wasn't until the relation-
ship began to solidify that
Rosenberg decided to involve
his son. "It wasn't necessary
for Benjamin to see me going
out with a lot of different
women. At the point where it
was somebody who I felt was
going to be significant, then
he needed to be brought into
the picture too, and when
that decision had been made,
then you start working on all
the other factors that go into
the relationship."
Benjamin's reaction to
Karen was among the first
problems they encountered.
Rosenberg explains, "There
.was a concern for my time.
After all, he hadn't had any
competition so a third party
stepping in became a compet-
ing person for my attention.
We both have had to reassure
him that wasn't the case. He
has been receptive but it took
a lot of time and (it was) not
an easy process."
Basch continues, "It took a
long time. It's just about now
that he's starting to under-
stand that when we do
things, we do them together
and Larry doesn't love him
any less because there's an-
other person involved and
that if Benjamin needs him,
he's still there for him."
Rosenberg is appreciative
of Basch. "I think for some-
one to step into a situation
like Karen has stepped into,
and I've told her this, its real
important to know that it's
not easy at all. It takes a
special person to take on the
responsibilities that are in-
volved." ❑
Astrology Topic
For Singles 2
Singles 2 (age 40-55) will
present a program, "Astrol-
ogy for Everyone" or "It's
Never Too Late to Find Your
Mate" at 8 p.m. Thursday at
the main Jewish Community
Center.
Margeret Berry will be the
guest speaker. A question
and answer period and re-
freshments will follow. There
is an admission charge. For
information, call Babs Sepe
or Jill Cole, 661-1000, ext.
347.
Dinner Club
Goes Szechuan
The Community Network
for Jewish Singles announces
its dinner club will go to
Szechuan Garden, 2855
Maple, Troy, at 7:30 p.m.
Dec. 15.
Cost of. the dinner includes
beverage, tax and tip. For
reservation information, call
Jill Cole, 661-1000, ext. 347.