Yiddish Anecdotes
About Schnorrers
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OPEN EVENINGS and SUNDAYS
A rich Jew had his pet schnorrer
to whom he gave a regular annual
stipend. One year he sent only
half the usual sum, and the beggar
made loud complaint.
"But I have unusual expenses
this year," the rich man explained.
"My son has become friendly with
a ballet-dancer. and it is costing
me a fortune."
"What has that to do with me?"
cried the beggar, incensed. If he
wants a fancy lady, that's his af-
fair. But let him do it with his own
money, not mine!"
* *
It was the regular custom for
each pious householder to take a
wandering beggar home with him
from the synagogue on Friday eve_
ning, and give him shelter over the
Sabbath. One such householder,
returning from the prayer service
with his poor guest in tow, noticed
that a second schnorrer was trail-
ing them.
"Who is that?" he asked.
"It's my son-in-law," answered
the guest. "I am supporting him."
* * *
Returning home from a train
journey, a schnorrer reported that
the conductor had kept staring at
him very peculiarly.
"What do you mean, 'pecu-
liarly'?" he was asked.
"I mean," he explained, "as if
I were traveling without a ticket."
"What did you do about it?"
"What should I do?" he replied.
"I stared back at him as if I really
did have a ticket!"
• * *
The traditions of Chelem relate
that before the work of building
began, the founders met in solemn
assembly and deliberated a long
time on the best site for their city.
They decided finally to build it
at the foot of a mountain.
The great day arrived and the
builders began by climbing to the
summit, where they cut down trees
for their houses. But how were
the logs to be brought down, seeing
the Chelemites had no vehicles or
horses? Their amazing ingenuity
came immediately to their aid.
They lifted the logs to their shoul-
ders and carried them down into
the valley.
Now it happened that a stranger
passed by and saw the Chelemites
toiling and panting.
"Foolish people," said the stran-
ger, "why do you needlessly puff
and sweat?" And having spoken,
he pushed one of the logs with his
foot and it rolled down the moun-
tain as if it knew exactly where
to go.
The builders of Chelem stood
and marveled. "The man is a
genius," they whispered to each
other.
But Chelemites are quick to
learn. Without losing a moment,
they went down into the valley,
carried the logs back to the sum-
mit, and sent them rolling in the
precise manner of the stranger.
* * *
Building the public bath-house
presented a grave problem to the
Jews of Chelem. It involved the
benches on which the bathers
stretched out and reveled in the
steam and heat. The question was
whether the planks for those
benches should be smooth or rough.
Immediately two parties came
into existence: smoothists a n d
roughists. The smoothists main-
tained that rough planks would
scratch the bodies of the bathers,
not to speak of the splinters they
would carry home. The roughists
argued that smooth planks would
make the bathers slip and fall and
that some of them might be hurt,
cholileh!
The wise men of Chelem called
a meeting that lasted far into the
night. But each party held its
ground and the assembly w a s
deadlocked. At last the Rabbi pro-
posed a compromise which was
universally acclaimed and proved
over again that Torah and wisdom
go together.
"My decision is," said he, "that
the boards should be planed on
one side only. For fear, however,
that this planed side should cause
people to slip, I order that the
boards be laid with that side
downward!"
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
Friday, November 25, 1966-11 ;
Anecdotes About `Fools' of Chelein
That good man laid no claim to
a knowledge of the latest peda-
gogic methods, nevertheless he
had his own way of impressing
his teaching on his pupils. Con-
sider, for example, the following
discourse he once held to acquaint
his pupils with the difference that
exist among the social classes.
"An ordinary man." he said,
"puts on a clean shirt on Friday
for the Sabbath. A rich man
changes his shirt every day.
Rothschild changes his shirt three
times a day, in the morning, at
noon, and in the evening. The Czar
is attended by two generals, one
of whom takes off the shirt he
wears and the other puts on a
clean one, off and on, off and on,
without interruption, night and
day.
"An ordinary man takes a nap
and who takes care he should not
be awakened? His wife. A rich
man is protected by a vestibule
before his sleeping room. Roths-
child has twelve men stationed
before his bedroom to guard his
sleep. The Czar has an army of
soldiers before his door who cry
continually and all together:
`Quiet: His Majesty is sleeping!'
"An ordinary man gets up early
in the morning and eats his break-
fast. A rich man sleeps till ten
o'clock, then he gets up and—has
his breakfast. Rothschild sleeps
until Afternoon Prayers, and eats
his breakfast toward evening. The
Czar sleeps all day and all night,
and has his breakfast the follow-
ing day."
The Spaniards brought the grape-
fruit to the West Indies and
Florida.
The first highways known were
the trade routes between East and
West approximately 2000 BCE.
ELATION S
C.)
co
o.
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