Dr. Hershman's Candid Observations
while to the "mature and intel-
ligent" today may bulk large to
Mixed Marriage: Disservice to Offspring
him or her tomorrow.
Moreover, as we grow older,
religion looms larger and larg-
er in our estimation. Age has a
mellowing effect on us. We re-
vive our notions and ideas. Re-
ligion may not count much in
the scheme of values of the
young, but takes on a much
greater significance in the life
of the older and more sedate
man or woman.
It goeS without saying that
Judaism recognizes conversion',
provided it stems from the mo-
tive of conviction. It approves
the open door policy for those
who Ruth-like say to the Jewish
people, "Thy people shall be my
people, and thy God- my God."
By DR. A. M. HERSHMAN
Rabbi Emeritus Congregatio n Shaarey Zedek, Detroit
There is a midrashic maxim
which runs thus: "No man with-
out woman nor woman without
man, nor both of them without
the Shekinah" (Divine Pres-
ence). This saying, it seems to
me.. sets forth, I am almost
tempted to say exhaust s, the
significance of marriage in the
Jewish scheme of life. Judaism
views -matrimony in a twofold
light.: happiness and worthiness.
It is intended, in the f i r s t
place, to make for the happiness
of the man and the woman who
enter into the state of wedlock.
Neither man without woman
nor woman without man." Each
has something distinctive to
contribute to the common stock
of marital felicity. Say the Rab-
bis, The unmarried man is not
a complete than." He lives "with-
out joy, blessing, and happi-
ness."-It is the wife that makes
a home,. Therefore the Bible af-
firms, "It is not good that the
man should be alone." Let us
add, "It is not good that the
woman should. be alone. It is lit-
terally true that "not for her-
self was woman first created,
nor yet to be man's idol, but his
mate." In talmudic times, we
are told, the maidens of Jeru-
salem, arrayed in pure white,
were wont to go out on the
fifteenth of Ab and the tenth of
Tishri (the Day of Atonement)
bito the vineyards, dancing as
they went, singing as the bands
of youth came up to meet them
from the valleys. They c h a l-
lenged the young men to make
their choice. The lovelier among
them said, "Young man, raise
-
thine eyes, choose your
bride for beauty." The well-born
sang, "Look not at beauty, but
rather to family and lineage."
YLOW
Those who were devoid of phy-
sical charm and were -not well-
born took up the strain, and
sang, "Grace is deceitful, and
beauty is vain; but a woman
that feareth the Lord, she shall
be praised."
The happiness of the nup-
tial couple is not to be trifled
with or underrated. It is not
to be regarded as merely in-
cidental or a secondary mat-
ter. The question of love, of
mutual attraction, is of prime
importance. The man and the
woman to be united have
rights and interests which
must be taken into account.
soon discover that their ,idol has
feet of clay, that neither of them
is perfect. There is but One Be-
ing to whom we Jews ascribe
perfection. That Being is God.
The poet's ideal of marriage is
that of "two natures falling into
tune—an ideal which cannot so
easily be achieved. • As a matter
of fact, no two natures are ex-
actly alike. Misunderstandings
are bound to arise. Differences
of opinion, particularly among .
newlyweds, are not of infre
quent occurrence. The difficul-
ties involved in marriage are il-
lustrated in -the following rab-
binic story: A Roman lady once
asked Rabbi Jose ben Halafta:
"What has God been doing since
the Creation?" The Rabbi's an-
swer was, "He has been mating
couples in wedlock." "What an
easy vocation He has chosen
for Himself," remarked the lady.
"Try it," said the Rabbi. She did
try it, but, with unhappy re-
sults.
Ordinarily, young couples
realize that a successful mar-
riage is a matter of give-and-
take, requiring a process of
adjustment, of accommoda-
tion. They do their best to
compose their differences.
It is altogether different in
the case of a mixed marriage.
At the least provocation, the
partners are apt to fly apart.
Both he and she are prone to
say, "What else is to be ex-
pected? The difference in our
backgrounds, in our anteced-
ents are irreconcilable. There
is a marked incompatibility
between us, We are 'malad-
justed." No serious attempt is
likely to be made to reach an
understanding. Subconscious-
ly, they reason, that there can
never be a modus vivendi be-
tween them.
A Jew or Jewess who marries
out of the faith is borrow-
ing trouble and misery. Sooner
or later the mistake will come
home to roost. Sensitive natures
are not vocal; they bear their
suffering in silence. They are
not given to bare their feelings,
nor to shed tears in the presence
of others. But the plague is in
their hearts. They fret and
grieve inwardly. Oh, if they could
but live life over again! But they
cannot. No one can.
The problem is even more ag-
gravated when children are
born. Sometimes the latter are
discriminated against for no
fault of their own. I am think-
ing of a prominent Jew in New-
York, who occupied an impor-
tant position in the educational
field, but was married to a non-
Jewess. The children were stig-
matized by their classmates as
"sheenies." One day, I have it
on good authority, the children
resentful of the epithet flung at
them, said, "We are not 'sheen-
ies t ' our father is one." I did not
know the children. But I ser-
iously doubt that they were
grateful to their father for hav-
ing brought them into the world.
When informed of this incident.
I could not help think of the
words of t h e Prophet Micah,
"For the son dishonoreth the
father . . . A man's enemies are
the men of his own house."
More than this: I entertain
serious doubts as to whether the
father was entitled to any grati-
tude from his children. Whether
or not a man has a right to do
with his life as he pleases is be-
side the question. But certainly
there is not a scintilla of justifi-
cation for him to bring unhap-
piness to those to whom he owes
love and consideration.
cause those who seriously con-
template taking this step be-
long as a rule to the class of in-
differentists. It would be idle to
argue with them the cause of
Judaism, a religion which has
neither meaning nor message for
them. Their sole interest is their
own welfare. Their only concern
is the "me-side" of the question.
They have no scruples about the
fate of their religion and their
people. They should realize, how-
ever, that an ill-assorted union
is likely to bring un-happiness
and tragedy in its wake, and
should exercise much caution in
the selection of a life-partner.
In the second place, marriage
is to make for worthiness. "Nor
both of them without the She-
kinah" (Divine Presence). Neith-
er husband nor wife can attain
full moral stature without the
benign influences of Judaism.
Dr. F. Adler defines marriage as
"a life-perpetuating institution."
In the divine economy of Juda-
ism, marriage is "a Jewish life-
perpetuating institution." Unless
parents transmit the Jewish re-
ligion to their children, it will
not endure. The torch of Juda-
ism must be handed down from
generation to generation, else it
will be extinguished. Religious
education must be regarded as
the life insurance policy of the
Jewish community, as the bul-
wark against its absorption and
disappearance. The Jerusalem
Talmud relates, that when, at
the instance of the Patriarch
Rabbi Juda Nesiah, Rabbi Hiyya.,
Rabbi Ami, and Rabbi Assi,
visited a certain city in Pales-
tine, they expressed their wish
to meet the guardians of the
city. The watchmen were sent
for, but the emissaries s a i d,
"These are .in a sense the des-
troyers of the city. Its true
guardians are the teachers and
instructors." Hence scholars are
denominated by the Rabbis
"builders," because they are en-
gaged in constructive work.
This higher aspect of mar-
riage, which Judaism postulates,
cannot be over-emphasized. An
article entitled, "Can Love Sur-
vive Mixed Religion in Mar-
riage?" which appeared in the
last issue of a well -known
monthly, contains the ,vjews of
a number of religious leaders
and their reactions to the poll
taken by that magazine. Two of
them said that those who had
given a favorable answer to the
question showed considerable
religious tolerance. I wonder: Do
they construe indifference" to
mean "tolerance?" So far as
Jews are concerned, the question
is not one of religious tolerance,
but one of self-preservation.
Does the desire to perpetuate
.Judaism and the Jewish people
savor of intolerance? Every mix-
ed marriages is a "nail in the
coffin of Judaism." Christianity
is the religion of the majority;
Judaism, the religion of a ,small -
minority. It requires strong con-
victions, courage, and readiness
to swim against the current for
a minority to maintain its sep-
arate existence, and thus save
itself.
In the above-referred-to ar-
ticle, the first question reads as
follows: "Do you think mature,
intelligent people of basically
different religious backgrounds
can have a happy marriage?" It
is a sad commentary on latter-
day conditions that the highest
percentage of those who answer-
ed this question in the affirma-
tive were Jews. Among-the lat-
ter, 87 per cent were in favor of
inter-faith m a r r i a g e. I was
shocked to see it.
The writer of the article
speaks of "mature intelligent
people." But "mature intelligent
people" are subject to a change
of mind. Says Carlyle: "To-day
is not yesterday; we ourselves
change; how can works and
thoughts, if they 'are always to
be the fittest continue always
the same?" Particularly is this
so with respect to "love." Here
is what Shakespeare has to say
on this ooint:
Yet we must consider not only
the love which precedes the nup-
tial union, but also, and above
all, - the love that folloWs it. In
most instances, when a man and
woman are. already married,
their "romance ceases and their
history commences." Time and
again, in the course of my
ministrations, I have overheard
people who arrived after the
ceremony, say, "The wedding is
over!" They confused the cere-'
mony with the wedding. Many
people do. God forbid that it
should be so. The ceremony does
not and should not last long;
but as to the marriage, the con-
clusion of the ceremony marks
only its beginning. How true it
is, that "we are not married on
our wedding-day; on - that day
we just begin to be married!
True marriage is an endless pro-
em; it is the perpetual inter-
byiking of souls while life lasts."
Marriage, as Shakespeare puts
it, is "a world-without-end bar-
gain." Often what passes for
"love" is no more than a fleet-
ing fancy, a passing passion. It
is perfectly natural that during
the courtship period, the young
man and the young woman
should idealize each other. The
A Jew or Jewess who con-
young man will say, "The young
tracts a mixed marriage ren-
lady I am in love with is a most
ders a great disservice to the
wonderful woman, a veritable
offspring, who often labor un-
goddess; I adore her," The
der . serious disadvantages and
woman, likewise, looking up to
grave handicaps. They are fre-
him whom she has chosen as quently the victims of pre-
her life-partner, will say, "He is . judice, with nothing to com-
a model man. There is not a
pensate them for it. We may
flaw to be found in him." Some-
well apply to such parents - the
times, aye, often they do not
biblical adage, "The fathers
know each other. In her pres-
have eaten sour grapes, and
"This world is not for aye,
ence, he tries to be at his best.
the children's teeth are set on
nor 'tis not strange
She too, will, as a rule, hide
edge."
That even our loves should
from. him all that is vulnerable
I have discussed the question
with our fortunes change."
in her. But after the wedding, it of "mixed marriages" from the
is altogether different.. They viewpoint of "happiness," be-- What may be trivial, not. worth-
12—DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
Friday, May 15, 1953
Yeshivah Women Plan
27th Annual Dinner
Ladies of Yeshivath Beth Ye-
hudah invite the community to
participate in its 27th annual
dinner program, scheduled for
6:30 p.m., Sunday, at the Bnai
David social hall.
The dinner this year will
honor Mrs. Sarah Glassman,
honorary vice-president of the
organization, who is celebrating
her 83rd birthday.
Proceeds from the dinner help
to maintain the Beth Jacob
School for Girls and the kinder-
garten of the Beth Yehudah
Schools, both . of which are spon-
sored by the Ladies.
Survey Shows Increasing
David J. Cohen is toastmaster
Return to Kosher Baking
for the evening. 'For reserva-
The art of kosher baking is tions, call Mrs. H. Miller, secre-
making a strong comeback in tary, TO. 8-7835.
Jewish homes, and much credit,
a recent survey reveals, is due
to the convenience and strictly
QUALITY
kosher quality of Dromedary
and
Cake Mixes.
The fact that all Dromedary
SENTIMENT
products are endorsed by the
IN ONE PACKAGE
Union of Orthodox Jewish COn-
gregations of America and pro-
duced under its supervision has
been an important factor in in-
ducing housewives to try these
kosher mixes.
!soots' Short Stories
Published in Israel
Bernard Isaacs, superinten-
dent of the United Hebrew
Schools, this week had the
distinct satisfaction of re-
ceiving the first copies of his
new volume of short stories,
published in Israel, by the M
Newman Publishing House,
Tel Aviv.
This new volume, the pub-
lication of which was made
possible by Jacob Palman in
memory of his wife, appears
under the title of the first
story, "Omus Mocher Tapu-
zin" "Amous the Orange
Salesman." There are 14 oth-
er short stories in this beau-
tifully printed book.
A review of this book will
appear in an early issue of
The Jewish News.
Exquisite designs in sophisticated
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Open Sundays
Detroit Jewish Folk Chorus
. HENRI 'GOLDBERG, Conductor
Presents the
28th ANNUAL CONCERT
SUNDAY, MAY 24th, 1953, 8 p.m.
At Air-Conditioned
Scottish Rite Cathedral, Masonic Temple
Featuring the Cantata
Text by 1.. Miller
"LUBLIN"
Music by Nathan Samaroff
In Commemoration of the Warsaw Ghetto's 10th Anniversary
Our GUEST ARTIST Will Be
JOYCE FLISSLER, Violinist
of New York, a new rising star
Whose Debut at Carnegie Halt Created a Sensation
For the First Time in Detroit
Tickets $1.20, $1.80, $2.40, Tax incl. at Metro Music House,
TO. 8-4114; Mrs. Milgrom, UN. 4-7854
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