Dr. Hershman's Candid Observations while to the "mature and intel- ligent" today may bulk large to Mixed Marriage: Disservice to Offspring him or her tomorrow. Moreover, as we grow older, religion looms larger and larg- er in our estimation. Age has a mellowing effect on us. We re- vive our notions and ideas. Re- ligion may not count much in the scheme of values of the young, but takes on a much greater significance in the life of the older and more sedate man or woman. It goeS without saying that Judaism recognizes conversion', provided it stems from the mo- tive of conviction. It approves the open door policy for those who Ruth-like say to the Jewish people, "Thy people shall be my people, and thy God- my God." By DR. A. M. HERSHMAN Rabbi Emeritus Congregatio n Shaarey Zedek, Detroit There is a midrashic maxim which runs thus: "No man with- out woman nor woman without man, nor both of them without the Shekinah" (Divine Pres- ence). This saying, it seems to me.. sets forth, I am almost tempted to say exhaust s, the significance of marriage in the Jewish scheme of life. Judaism views -matrimony in a twofold light.: happiness and worthiness. It is intended, in the f i r s t place, to make for the happiness of the man and the woman who enter into the state of wedlock. Neither man without woman nor woman without man." Each has something distinctive to contribute to the common stock of marital felicity. Say the Rab- bis, The unmarried man is not a complete than." He lives "with- out joy, blessing, and happi- ness."-It is the wife that makes a home,. Therefore the Bible af- firms, "It is not good that the man should be alone." Let us add, "It is not good that the woman should. be alone. It is lit- terally true that "not for her- self was woman first created, nor yet to be man's idol, but his mate." In talmudic times, we are told, the maidens of Jeru- salem, arrayed in pure white, were wont to go out on the fifteenth of Ab and the tenth of Tishri (the Day of Atonement) bito the vineyards, dancing as they went, singing as the bands of youth came up to meet them from the valleys. They c h a l- lenged the young men to make their choice. The lovelier among them said, "Young man, raise - thine eyes, choose your bride for beauty." The well-born sang, "Look not at beauty, but rather to family and lineage." YLOW Those who were devoid of phy- sical charm and were -not well- born took up the strain, and sang, "Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." The happiness of the nup- tial couple is not to be trifled with or underrated. It is not to be regarded as merely in- cidental or a secondary mat- ter. The question of love, of mutual attraction, is of prime importance. The man and the woman to be united have rights and interests which must be taken into account. soon discover that their ,idol has feet of clay, that neither of them is perfect. There is but One Be- ing to whom we Jews ascribe perfection. That Being is God. The poet's ideal of marriage is that of "two natures falling into tune—an ideal which cannot so easily be achieved. • As a matter of fact, no two natures are ex- actly alike. Misunderstandings are bound to arise. Differences of opinion, particularly among . newlyweds, are not of infre quent occurrence. The difficul- ties involved in marriage are il- lustrated in -the following rab- binic story: A Roman lady once asked Rabbi Jose ben Halafta: "What has God been doing since the Creation?" The Rabbi's an- swer was, "He has been mating couples in wedlock." "What an easy vocation He has chosen for Himself," remarked the lady. "Try it," said the Rabbi. She did try it, but, with unhappy re- sults. Ordinarily, young couples realize that a successful mar- riage is a matter of give-and- take, requiring a process of adjustment, of accommoda- tion. They do their best to compose their differences. It is altogether different in the case of a mixed marriage. At the least provocation, the partners are apt to fly apart. Both he and she are prone to say, "What else is to be ex- pected? The difference in our backgrounds, in our anteced- ents are irreconcilable. There is a marked incompatibility between us, We are 'malad- justed." No serious attempt is likely to be made to reach an understanding. Subconscious- ly, they reason, that there can never be a modus vivendi be- tween them. A Jew or Jewess who marries out of the faith is borrow- ing trouble and misery. Sooner or later the mistake will come home to roost. Sensitive natures are not vocal; they bear their suffering in silence. They are not given to bare their feelings, nor to shed tears in the presence of others. But the plague is in their hearts. They fret and grieve inwardly. Oh, if they could but live life over again! But they cannot. No one can. The problem is even more ag- gravated when children are born. Sometimes the latter are discriminated against for no fault of their own. I am think- ing of a prominent Jew in New- York, who occupied an impor- tant position in the educational field, but was married to a non- Jewess. The children were stig- matized by their classmates as "sheenies." One day, I have it on good authority, the children resentful of the epithet flung at them, said, "We are not 'sheen- ies t ' our father is one." I did not know the children. But I ser- iously doubt that they were grateful to their father for hav- ing brought them into the world. When informed of this incident. I could not help think of the words of t h e Prophet Micah, "For the son dishonoreth the father . . . A man's enemies are the men of his own house." More than this: I entertain serious doubts as to whether the father was entitled to any grati- tude from his children. Whether or not a man has a right to do with his life as he pleases is be- side the question. But certainly there is not a scintilla of justifi- cation for him to bring unhap- piness to those to whom he owes love and consideration. cause those who seriously con- template taking this step be- long as a rule to the class of in- differentists. It would be idle to argue with them the cause of Judaism, a religion which has neither meaning nor message for them. Their sole interest is their own welfare. Their only concern is the "me-side" of the question. They have no scruples about the fate of their religion and their people. They should realize, how- ever, that an ill-assorted union is likely to bring un-happiness and tragedy in its wake, and should exercise much caution in the selection of a life-partner. In the second place, marriage is to make for worthiness. "Nor both of them without the She- kinah" (Divine Presence). Neith- er husband nor wife can attain full moral stature without the benign influences of Judaism. Dr. F. Adler defines marriage as "a life-perpetuating institution." In the divine economy of Juda- ism, marriage is "a Jewish life- perpetuating institution." Unless parents transmit the Jewish re- ligion to their children, it will not endure. The torch of Juda- ism must be handed down from generation to generation, else it will be extinguished. Religious education must be regarded as the life insurance policy of the Jewish community, as the bul- wark against its absorption and disappearance. The Jerusalem Talmud relates, that when, at the instance of the Patriarch Rabbi Juda Nesiah, Rabbi Hiyya., Rabbi Ami, and Rabbi Assi, visited a certain city in Pales- tine, they expressed their wish to meet the guardians of the city. The watchmen were sent for, but the emissaries s a i d, "These are .in a sense the des- troyers of the city. Its true guardians are the teachers and instructors." Hence scholars are denominated by the Rabbis "builders," because they are en- gaged in constructive work. This higher aspect of mar- riage, which Judaism postulates, cannot be over-emphasized. An article entitled, "Can Love Sur- vive Mixed Religion in Mar- riage?" which appeared in the last issue of a well -known monthly, contains the ,vjews of a number of religious leaders and their reactions to the poll taken by that magazine. Two of them said that those who had given a favorable answer to the question showed considerable religious tolerance. I wonder: Do they construe indifference" to mean "tolerance?" So far as Jews are concerned, the question is not one of religious tolerance, but one of self-preservation. Does the desire to perpetuate .Judaism and the Jewish people savor of intolerance? Every mix- ed marriages is a "nail in the coffin of Judaism." Christianity is the religion of the majority; Judaism, the religion of a ,small - minority. It requires strong con- victions, courage, and readiness to swim against the current for a minority to maintain its sep- arate existence, and thus save itself. In the above-referred-to ar- ticle, the first question reads as follows: "Do you think mature, intelligent people of basically different religious backgrounds can have a happy marriage?" It is a sad commentary on latter- day conditions that the highest percentage of those who answer- ed this question in the affirma- tive were Jews. Among-the lat- ter, 87 per cent were in favor of inter-faith m a r r i a g e. I was shocked to see it. The writer of the article speaks of "mature intelligent people." But "mature intelligent people" are subject to a change of mind. Says Carlyle: "To-day is not yesterday; we ourselves change; how can works and thoughts, if they 'are always to be the fittest continue always the same?" Particularly is this so with respect to "love." Here is what Shakespeare has to say on this ooint: Yet we must consider not only the love which precedes the nup- tial union, but also, and above all, - the love that folloWs it. In most instances, when a man and woman are. already married, their "romance ceases and their history commences." Time and again, in the course of my ministrations, I have overheard people who arrived after the ceremony, say, "The wedding is over!" They confused the cere-' mony with the wedding. Many people do. God forbid that it should be so. The ceremony does not and should not last long; but as to the marriage, the con- clusion of the ceremony marks only its beginning. How true it is, that "we are not married on our wedding-day; on - that day we just begin to be married! True marriage is an endless pro- em; it is the perpetual inter- byiking of souls while life lasts." Marriage, as Shakespeare puts it, is "a world-without-end bar- gain." Often what passes for "love" is no more than a fleet- ing fancy, a passing passion. It is perfectly natural that during the courtship period, the young man and the young woman should idealize each other. The A Jew or Jewess who con- young man will say, "The young tracts a mixed marriage ren- lady I am in love with is a most ders a great disservice to the wonderful woman, a veritable offspring, who often labor un- goddess; I adore her," The der . serious disadvantages and woman, likewise, looking up to grave handicaps. They are fre- him whom she has chosen as quently the victims of pre- her life-partner, will say, "He is . judice, with nothing to com- a model man. There is not a pensate them for it. We may flaw to be found in him." Some- well apply to such parents - the times, aye, often they do not biblical adage, "The fathers know each other. In her pres- have eaten sour grapes, and "This world is not for aye, ence, he tries to be at his best. the children's teeth are set on nor 'tis not strange She too, will, as a rule, hide edge." That even our loves should from. him all that is vulnerable I have discussed the question with our fortunes change." in her. But after the wedding, it of "mixed marriages" from the is altogether different.. They viewpoint of "happiness," be-- What may be trivial, not. worth- 12—DETROIT JEWISH NEWS Friday, May 15, 1953 Yeshivah Women Plan 27th Annual Dinner Ladies of Yeshivath Beth Ye- hudah invite the community to participate in its 27th annual dinner program, scheduled for 6:30 p.m., Sunday, at the Bnai David social hall. The dinner this year will honor Mrs. Sarah Glassman, honorary vice-president of the organization, who is celebrating her 83rd birthday. Proceeds from the dinner help to maintain the Beth Jacob School for Girls and the kinder- garten of the Beth Yehudah Schools, both . of which are spon- sored by the Ladies. Survey Shows Increasing David J. Cohen is toastmaster Return to Kosher Baking for the evening. 'For reserva- The art of kosher baking is tions, call Mrs. H. Miller, secre- making a strong comeback in tary, TO. 8-7835. Jewish homes, and much credit, a recent survey reveals, is due to the convenience and strictly QUALITY kosher quality of Dromedary and Cake Mixes. The fact that all Dromedary SENTIMENT products are endorsed by the IN ONE PACKAGE Union of Orthodox Jewish COn- gregations of America and pro- duced under its supervision has been an important factor in in- ducing housewives to try these kosher mixes. !soots' Short Stories Published in Israel Bernard Isaacs, superinten- dent of the United Hebrew Schools, this week had the distinct satisfaction of re- ceiving the first copies of his new volume of short stories, published in Israel, by the M Newman Publishing House, Tel Aviv. This new volume, the pub- lication of which was made possible by Jacob Palman in memory of his wife, appears under the title of the first story, "Omus Mocher Tapu- zin" "Amous the Orange Salesman." There are 14 oth- er short stories in this beau- tifully printed book. A review of this book will appear in an early issue of The Jewish News. Exquisite designs in sophisticated taste . . . beautifully-shaped, hand- turned, hand-painted! 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Miller "LUBLIN" Music by Nathan Samaroff In Commemoration of the Warsaw Ghetto's 10th Anniversary Our GUEST ARTIST Will Be JOYCE FLISSLER, Violinist of New York, a new rising star Whose Debut at Carnegie Halt Created a Sensation For the First Time in Detroit Tickets $1.20, $1.80, $2.40, Tax incl. at Metro Music House, TO. 8-4114; Mrs. Milgrom, UN. 4-7854 CITY BANK HOURS MONDAY-THURSDAY-10 to S FRIDAY-10 to 6 SATURDAY-9 to 12 GRISWOLD STREET OFFICE IPenokoscot Building—Griswold DETROIT 26 and Fort Streets REDFORD OFFICE HAZEL PARK. OFFICE :Corner Seven Mile and Five Points) 24865 Grand River Avenue DETROIT 19 22711 Stephenson Highway HAZEL PAM NORTH DETROIT OFFICE (Corner Davison) 490(1 East McNichols DETROIT 12 (Near Nine Mile sod John R) OAK PARK OFFICE INtar Eight Mile Road} - 20950 Greenfield Road OAK PARK EVERGREEN—SEVEN MILE OFFICE 20300 West Seven Mile Road DETROIT 19 Member Federal Jiesespe Sysie" kitseoster Federal Deposit ilisisronte Corposorioit