There’s
a
boxing
match
a-brewin’. Now, this is no hand-
picked Apollo Creed versus The
Italian Stallion, but it seems to
be the new imminent climax to
a conflict between male online
influencers. KSI vs Logan Paul,
KSI’s brother Deji vs FouseyTube,
Logan Paul challenging boxing
legend Floyd Mayweather — these
influencer boxing incidents have
become an industry, as millions
upon millions of online followers
fill sold-out seats. The roads to
each of these matches are paved
with ultra-masculine intentions,
deafening with the sounds of diss
tracks, chest-beating and emas-
culating insults. In the past few
months, a new beef was born
between veteran YouTube com-
mentator Cr1TiKal and Andrew
Tate ally Sneako.
Before you click away, let me
affirm: This isn’t some drama
recap. This boxing prelude is our
case study for the masculine con-
ventions at play in the YouTube
manosphere. As the Arts section’s
resident black belt, I want to frame
our points with the pugilistic pag-
eantry they deserve — ringside
asides for our explorations, of
course.
HELLO BOXING FAAAAANS!
Welcome to the ring! We’ve got a
helluva show for you tonight, folks,
so let’s do introductions. In one
corner, weighing in at a speculated
165 lbs and standing at 5’6” stacked
in a self-described “anime charac-
ter” physique, “Big Moist” Charles
White! In our other corner, his
challenger weighing in at his own
speculated 169 lbs and standing
at 6’2” but still unable to beat the
stick-arm allegations, “Sneako”
Nico Kenn De Ballinthazy! Will
this be a fight or a farce? You’ll just
have to stick around and see!
This is a brawl of bodies, so let’s
discuss physicality first. When you
hear those measurements, you are
right to assume these men don’t
stand as paragons of pugilism. Nei-
ther did the Paul brothers or KSI
before training for months under
professional coaches. Thus, the
first engagement with masculinity
rears its head.
Think of the ideal male body —
or at least what meme culture pos-
its as ideal. If you compare your
vision to someone else’s, those
ideals would undoubtedly clash.
Masculinity is both malleable and
self-multiplicative. Different coun-
tries have different beauty stan-
dards; masculine ideals shift when
viewed through the female gaze.
They change depending on wheth-
er they are non-heteronormative
or trapped in some ouroboros of
masculinity viewed through the
lens of male desirability.
But what if we evaluate the
ideal male body based on func-
tion? One look at the varying body
shapes of the world’s top athletes
— both male and female — imme-
diately dispels a single ideal. Even
in boxing, there is a wide physical
diversity across weight classes and
fighting styles. White’s constant
sardonic self-aggrandization of his
non-masculine-ideal-conforming
height aside, he still closes the gap
between his opponent’s “Aber-
crombie & Fitch from 1998” phy-
sique, then simultaneously insults
and praises Ballinthazy’s efforts to
improve his own body in the same
sentence. Of course, Ballinthazy
fired the first shot in this entire
scuffle.
The challenger shouts some-
thing about monogamy and his
favorite “clickbait” films and
throws the first strike — an upset
punch straight to the ribs! Though
it seemingly lands, Moist keeps
his gloves up and is barely moved.
Sneako throws another blow. He
throws another. And another.
And another! And Moist is just
not moving, not retaliating at all
and seems unbothered by all these
shots. His gloves aren’t even up!
He’s just staring. I almost feel
sorry for Sneako at this point. We
can see the challenger’s getting
frustrated, he’s squatting low and
— OH! HEÆS GONE FOR THE
LOWEST
BLOW
POSSIBLE!
Moist grits his teeth, squats and
— OH MY LORD, AN UPPER-
CUT KNOCKS SNEAKO ON THE
GROUND! Moist raises his fist in
the air — folks, he’s making sure
the cameras see the Moist merch
logo on his gloves. Ever the oppor-
tunist.
So what started the Cr1tiKal
versus Sneako beef? I promised
you this wasn’t a recap, but a bit of
context is necessary: When White
mocked members of the Fre-
shandFit podcast for telling obvi-
ously false fables of their sexual
escapades, Ballinthazy felt he had
to defend his hetero-masculine
homies’ honor. On his stream, he
threw every personal insult he
could at White, culminating in
an attack on White’s partner and
their relationship. White respond-
ed with a short video explain-
ing that he found Ballinthazy’s
opinion irrelevant because Ball-
inthazy enjoyed the highly prob-
lematic film “Cuties” and, despite
Ballinthazy’s discomfort with his
own partner cuckolding him, rec-
ommended that every couple try
the practice. White’s point is a bit
more nuanced — he takes issue not
with the emasculating fetish itself
or with Ballinthazy’s partner, but
with Ballinthazy’s recommenda-
tion despite his own discomfort.
“Mr. Collins! Come in. Come in.”
Peter H. Sutcliffe stood from
his chair, nearly knocking it back-
ward as he stumbled through the
dark dining room toward the door,
which opened to reveal a rather
stalwart man in Edwardian dress.
He leaned into the room, not quite
entering, and looked around with
wide eyes. The dining room’s
refined splendor was familiar to
him, but it gave him the most omi-
nous feeling of not quite existing.
“This way then …” Mr. Sutcliffe
half-mumbled to himself as he took
F. Howard Collins by the arm and
gently drew him into the room,
trying to mitigate its confusing
effect.
Another man stood by the table,
and with a bright smile, he reached
out to shake Mr. Collins’ free hand
with the utmost friendliness. “Mr.
Collins,” he greeted as though they
were old friends, “how pleased
I am that our paths have finally
crossed. It should have happened
by now — you’ve used my work
plenty enough, eh?”
Herbert Spencer winked and
guided Mr. Collins to the seat
beside him. Mr. Spencer was
dressed before either of the other
men’s times — in fact, he looked
distinctly Victorian in his longer
coat and dramatic patterns. Upon
consideration, Mr. Sutcliffe was
dressed oddly as well. His plat-
form shoes and wide-legged pants
placed him at least 60 years ahead
of either man, but he seemed quite
at ease in the dining room, as if he
started and ended there.
“Well, Mr. Spencer, you’re —”
Mr. Collins began spluttering, and
Mr. Sutcliffe sat across from both
of them. “It’s only that I don’t know
—”
“Where you are?” Mr. Spencer
interrupted with a knowing smile.
“Precisely!”
“Neither do I; isn’t it a thrill?”
Mr. Collins glanced first at the
steaming bread at the table’s other
end and then at the crystal decant-
er near his hand. Suspicion laced
his features until he remarked,
“Yes, but, Mr. Spencer … you’re
quite dead. You were when I cited
your work.”
The room fell silent. Mr. Spen-
cer and Mr. Sutcliffe were sud-
denly solemn. The ticking of a
grandfather clock could be heard
somewhere far away.
Herbert cleared his throat. “Yes,
well, perhaps my friend Mr. Sut-
cliffe …” he trailed off, gesturing to
the younger man, who leaned for-
ward with his hands spread peace-
ably on the table.
“Gentlemen,”
Mr.
Sutcliffe
began, “you being dead or alive
doesn’t matter. What matters is
that I’ve brought you here to settle
a small debate that I think will be
of great interest to you both.” Mr.
Sutcliffe kicked his feet up on the
table, leaving scuff marks on the
finely polished wood and eliciting
cringes from the other men. “The
Oxford comma,” he said with the
confidence of a man who has no
clue what he’s talking about.
“The what?” Mr. Spencer asked
with a laugh that tried and failed to
clear the tension.
“Well, of course, I coined the
term,” Mr. Sutcliffe doubled back.
“But I still don’t know — who
invented it? You see, I cite Mr. Col-
lins, but even Mr. Collins credits
Mr. Spencer.”
Mr. Spencer and Mr. Collins
looked at each other, both men’s
faces suddenly dominated by fur-
rowed brows and frowns.
After a moment, Mr. Collins
shook his head and said, “Mr.
Sutcliffe, I’m afraid neither of us
knows what you’re talking about.”
The door swung open violent-
ly. “I am sorry I’m late!” A man’s
voice boomed through the room,
accompanied by a loud stomping
and the sound of someone beating
dust from their coat. “The train
was dreadful — well, hello! I didn’t
know we had company!”
“Is this the waiter?” Mr. Spen-
cer asked, turning to Mr. Sutcliffe,
who rolled his eyes and tried to
answer, but was again interrupted.
“The waiter?” the newcom-
er asked incredulously but not
unkindly. “Horace Hart, control-
ler of the Oxford University Press,”
Mr.
Hart
introduced
himself
and strode forward with a hand
stretched toward Mr. Spencer, who
shook it in a conciliatory manner.
He shook next with Mr. Collins
and Mr. Sutcliffe before taking his
place at the table. “Now what’s this
we’re discussing?”
Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
A story for the Oxford comma,
The Daily’s most oppressed
piece of punctuation
Wednesday, April 12, 2023 — 5
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MADDIE AGNE
Daily Arts Writer
Read more at MichiganDaily.com
CR1TIKAL VERSUS SNEAKO:
The fascinating masculine
conventions of YouTube
beef boxing matches
SAARTHAK JOHRI
Digital Culture Beat Editor
Read more at MichiganDaily.com