The writers of The Michigan
Daily do it all. On top of being college
students with full course loads, they
roll up their sleeves to consume media
and write. For the entertainment of
our loyal readership, The Michigan
Daily has revitalized and revamped
“Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” For the sake
of journalism, three or more writers
sacrifice their health and 3+ hours of
their life to watch a TV show or film
while either high (“baked”), drunk
(“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This
article was lightly edited to maintain
the authenticity of the piece.
BAKED 1:
I really hope this movie has elton
john music in it. I like Elton John
right now
I hope that the fish is named
chum and he is voiced by Chumlee
from Pawn Stars
Megamind blue all the people at
the school!
This movie had a more succinct
origin than any other marvel movie
WAIT THE FISH IS DAVID
CROSS THIS IS OK
Damn metro man has a codpiece
tho
Metro
man
and
Megamind
talking is like in The Batman when
Robert Pattinson kept talking about
justice
This movie has a soundtrack that
screams my father.
I have just been told what coochie
eyes are. Please educate yourselves.
He’s
got
little
jammies.
Goddamnit
Why does Megamind need a
hairnet? This movie is so mean to
bald people
Megamind is very sad. This has
made me sad.
Someone said Mega is dainty. I
like that phrase!!
This movie makes villains out of
gamers. Titan is a gamer and that is
perfectly ok!
Is
metro
man
actually
metrosexual man?
Buzzed 1 has risen above their
state to sing along to “Welcome to
the Jungle”
I think Jim Carrey should’ve
been him (Metro Man)
DAVID CROSS HAS DIED. I am
so sad. How could they do this?
BAKED 2:
Buzzed 1 is making us watch
Snotty Boy Glow-up as a precursor
He’s in gay baby jail
WHY DID HE WINK QT THW
TEACHER
Metroman has MOVES
market pliers
Buzzed
2
has
this
movie
memorized and keeps finishing the
lines with uncanny ability
Her belittling him is kinda hot
there’s like three-way tension
between
roxanne
minion
and
megamind already
Metroman’s overacting is so good
here
Die Hal die
It’s amazing he still has a cape in
pajamaz
Bernard can get it
why does he need a hairnet
Megamind is his fucking dom
HAL STEWART IS A GREEN
LANTERN REFERENCE
Malewife Minion
Wheb will my wefwection show
who i am inside
Everything Hal says is so well-
designed to piss me the fuck off
Megamind’s Daddy material
Hal listens to Juice WRLD and
xxxtentacion
HE’S A GAMER
Hal is why gamers oppressed
NO BITCHES????????
City parking is the real villain
MARKI0LIER METROMAN
HE’S A GIGGLY GUY LIKE ME
MEGAMIND
MLGNWATER
TR8CK
You’re white
PENISNMUSIC CLIP
we are n
BUZZED 1:
Something
about
Megamind
is so indecipherably subversive. I
find myself laughing at the idea of
watching this film, but that feeling
quickly turns to dust when the title
card flashes. Never has a film so
comprehensively
deconstructed
the hubris of man and tied it up in a
gorgeously succinct blue-tinted, big-
headed ribbon.
If someone could let me know
where Metroman gets his chin
implants I’d be very interested to
know.
Just learned that JK Simmons
plays the Warden. This is more like
“Whiplash” than I ever imagined it
could be — the toxic, yet inescapable
mentor-student relationship. Except
the craft is doing crime, not playing
the drums. And Megamind wins.
Thinking about the “I blue
myself”
joke
from
Arrested
Development. Fits perfectly given
that David Cross is the minion and
Megamind is … blue.
Megamind and Minion saw
Roxanne and said “we’ve been
watching you from across the room
and really dig your vibe. Want to be
our third?”
Two beers plus one shot down.
Somewhere between crafting prose
and absolute beer mode.
This has the best writing I’ve ever
seen in a kid’s movie … some would
argue it’s not even a kid’s movie.
Jonah Hill got cast as the ‘ugly
inside-and-out’
guy
who
they
MODELED
after
his
physical
appearance and he just went with it.
I want to sink my teeth into one of
those gold bars.
No one out-pizzas the hut.
Roxanne is so twee.
Best Marlon Brando tribute I’ve
ever seen.
Mr. Blue Sky? More like Mr. Poop
Sky.
Megamind kind of looks like Neil
Patrick Harris?
Megamind has a soul patch,
anything he says is out the window.
Shoutout to all Mormons.
No one has farted yet.
No one has farted.
Megamind is the only blue life
that matters.
BUZZED 2:
You guys I’m so excited for this
right now you have no idea
Baked 1 goes “wait is this the guy
from Elf?”
Baby
Metroman
was
the
blueprint for Boss Baby tell me I’m
wrong
[baby burbles]
Also this soundtrack is full of
bops
I could honestly quote this entire
movie word for word
“His heart is an ocean that’s
inside a bigger ocean” is my mom’s
favorite line
If my name was Roxanne and
somebody called me Roxaroo I
would vomit.
MINION!
YOU
FANTASTIC
FISH, YOU!
The spee-ider.
I’ve been quoting on and off this
whole time and no one’s told me to
stop yet
Potato tomato potato tomato
Baked 1 has never seen this movie
before and I’m so excited to see them
react to the plot twist coming up
This
movie
was
truly
unappreciated in its time
Tippy tappy tippy tap tap tip top
more
AND MULTIPLY IT…BY SIX!
no you can’t
Vote Blue
Somebody said that Roxanne’s a
simp for Metroman, but if anybody’s
a simp it’s Hal
The sexual tension in this
elevator rn…
How much did they have to pay
for that Karate Kid reference
Just realized the graffiti outside
Megamind’s hideout says “go away
no one lives here” and that made me
giggle
Shtewart
Buzzed 1 just goes “oh my god…
it’s snotty boy glow up”
Yeah. I’m like your space dad.
Here comes the knock off Mr
Blue Sky
Can’t wait, LOL, smiley face.
Everyone is now arguing over
whether or not this is in fact the real
Mr Blue Sky (it is NOT)
Bored 3 is currently trying to
explain to me what the Omegaverse
is and something is telling me I’m
glad I didn’t know this existed
What a brutal rejection.
Baked
2
is
moaning
and
whispering “he needs love”
Watching him kick his little robot
feet in the water while he waits.
What a bean.
This one’s for Space Stepmom!
You LIED to her!!!
The scene from the “no bitches”
meme just happened and everyone
cheered
Is Metroman’s monologue not an
exact copy of the scene at the end of
Over the Hedge
Now I wanna do a BBB of Over
the Hedge
I just asked everyone if they
wanted to do an Over the Hedge
BBB and they all cheered
Tightenville
Hal just did the Kubrick stare
AND THERE IS NO QUEEN OF
ENGLAND
Megamind wasn’t joking when
he said “PRESENTATION”
Everyone’s singing In the Heights
rn
How did they actually make
Megamind kinda look like Obama in
those “no you can’t” posters
Ollo.
Megamind just broke the fourth
wall
Mid credits scene??? Megamind
in the MCU?!?!?!
BORED 1:
That (black hole) looks like a
trombone a little
He’s in the CAN!
Why does the teacher have the
hots for Metro Man
He looks like when you give a Sim
blue skin
Megamind and the fish are
definitely lovers
*Statue is unveiled* Aw, just like
the David
It’s his dead body, actually I don’t
know… OH!
He just single handedly defunded
the police
Has he never seen a WINDOW?
Would he run as a democrat or a
republican?
This is just like when Bucky goes
into the war museum and sees the
Howling Commandos
And she’s not an investigative
journalist? Julian needs to hire her
right now
Daddy’s sorry for what?
MEN IN CROP TOPS!
Not the jorts! Not the jorts!
You think I don’t listen to “Mr
Blue Sky” three times a day and
know exactly what it sounds like?
I’m sorry this looks like a scene
out of Bee Movie
MILF but it’s Megamind I’d Like
to Fuck
Yo Bernard’s jawline goes crazy
He got BALLED!
Do you guys think Megamind is
immortal
*All chanting in unison* THERE
IS NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!
She’s the kind of girl that would
be like “Babe, look at me, this isn’t
you” if Megamind got in a fight
*Minion dying* Mr. Stark… I
don’t feel so good
BORED 2:
Will Ferrell is megamind what
the fuck how did I not know this
Metro man is kind of an asshole
as a baby
Minion is an A-1 day 1
Have Megamind and Minion
explored each others bodies
Metro City being pronounced
like atrocity is like testicles being
pronounced like Hercules
Rest in piss Metroman bozo
We’ve got a bottle blowing
symphony in the buzzed section
If I dont have “evil overlord”
on my nameplate, I’m going to do
something to deserve it
Tightan is a gamer I hate this
Tightan did the Kubrick stare!
The movie ended in a giant dance
party I can die happy 10/10 better
than the Godfather
This movie said there was no
Queen of England before she died
ahead of its time
Was it the real Mr. Blue Sky? The
world may never know.
BORED 3:
Initial thoughts: I am afraid
someone will find megaman sexy
throughout the film
The prisoners raising megamind
is kind of cute what the hell.
Megamind said “shool” and
everyone immediately copied him
like parakeets and i heard about 5
“shool”s… Life is amazing
Guys this is the Markiplier
backstory by the way
Btw the coochie eyes on this guy
(megamind) are insane
Buzzed 2 knows this entire movie
by heart i owe them my life
Cheering for David Cross for the
millionth time
I know this lady is hiding a big ass
forehead under there
Metro man megamind enemies
to lovers only one bed fanfic ao3 50k
words WHEN?
I cant tell but megamind is giving
major under 5’8 energy and i love
short kings
My coochie eyes comment has
received backlash but it’s okay i
explained and everyone gets it now
Seeing Bernard is crazy because
i remember this one day on twitter
maybe a year ago where everyone
on my timeline wanted him carnally
There is a fart brewing in that bed
rn
Minion as a mother can be
somethign that can be so personal
I have explained the omegaverse
to Buzzed 2 and Suddenly i don’t
feel sober
Overheard “Hal definitely listens
to juice WRLD”
Megamind’s giant robot is so
dainty and feminine
I think megamind could make
an amazing animated crossed arms
Youtuber persona if that makes
sense
Megamind’s dainty hands
We need to take Tina Fey out like
Old Yeller
There is no Queen of England
Everyone is singing hamilton (i
think) I AM TRYING TO WATCH
DAVID CROSS DIE
yeah, he has a good like like like
there I hate pronouns babe please
give me a call
Final
thoughts:
this
movie
gets better every time i watch it
thank you Michigan daily for the
opportunity
4 — Wednesday, November 9, 2022
Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
The
story
of
“My
Policeman” is an emotional
telling of a tragic history
regarding
the
mistreatment
and
criminalization
of
homosexuality
in
1950s
Britain. In her novel of the
same name, author Bethan
Roberts seamlessly transitions
from one narrator to another,
effectively
portraying
the
passion and desperation of the
love triangle at the center of the
story: Schoolteacher Marion
(Emma Corrin, “The Crown”)
and museum curator Patrick
(David Dawson, “The Road to
Coronation Street”) both love
the same man, policeman Tom
(Harry Styles, “Don’t Worry
Darling”), who is unattainable
to each of them.
I
get
nervous
when
I
learn that a novel I like is
heading
to
theaters.
There
are too many examples of
book-turned-movies
that
are, to their respective fans,
unsatisfying to say the least —
“It,” “To Kill a Mockingbird,”
“Percy Jackson.” Would “My
Policeman” render the same
emotional grip on its audience
as its novel?
“My Policeman” primarily
takes place in Britain, where
Tom begins dating Marion.
Around the same time, Tom
befriends Patrick after helping
him deescalate a minor crime
on the streets outside the
museum. Patrick, being braver,
older and wiser, seeks to seduce
Tom, knowing well the dangers
that may come if anyone — not
to mention a police officer
— were to find out about his
homosexuality. Tom marries
Marion in an attempt at living
a safe, ordinary life while
pursuing Patrick in secret.
Tom’s double life, Marion’s
traditional values and Patrick’s
passion become entangled in a
tragedy where there can be no
happy ending for all three.
While ultimately satisfying
in its retelling, the flaws in “My
Policeman” disrupt the flow of
the story, particularly in the
beginning. The film begins in
present-day Marion and Tom’s
beach home and flashes back to
the ’50s soon after to develop
their
romantic
relationship.
Not nearly enough time is spent
on this development — we
see Tom ask Marion to be his
wife after less than five dates,
some with Patrick there. In the
novel, Marion’s persistent first-
person narration establishes
her obsession with Tom, their
romantic relationship and her
feelings toward Patrick. This
perspective is missing in the
first act of “My Policeman” —
we don’t feel the same level of
believability and tension when
it comes to their dynamic as a
love triangle, which also sets
an unintentionally slow pace to
start.
What saves the film from
dragging
and
lacking
in
character development is the
use of scene replays, which
enhance
the
love
triangle
dynamics. For example, Marion
is shown sitting next to Patrick,
who is sitting next to Tom at an
opera. Upon first glance, the
three are happy. Marion smiles
at Patrick. They all enjoy the
show. The film then jumps back
to introduce Patrick’s character
in relation to Tom, and this
scene is replayed after we know
about their relationship. This
time, we see Tom’s pinky graze
Patrick’s
as
Marion
smiles
at
them,
oblivious.
These
replayed
moments
partially
save the character dynamics in
their development of tension
through the role reversal of
Marion and Patrick in relation
to Tom.
What I truly believe makes
“My Policeman” a satisfying
film adaptation is its ending.
Without spoiling, I will say that
the film dramatizes the final
scene in just the right way. The
novel ends quietly, and so does
the film, but the latter is more
emotionally resonant. I’m not
usually a fan of film altering a
story for its own benefit, but
in this case, it is well done. We
see Marion, Tom and Patrick in
a light we have not seen before,
and it’s incredibly heartfelt.
There’s
something
striking
about actually seeing these
characters in their old age after
all that they’ve been through.
When
watching
a
film
adaptation,
it’s
difficult
to
judge it separately from its
original work. “My Policeman”
is moving and meaningful and
well-told on its own. In relation
to the novel, it’s still all of
those things. To me, that’s a
sign of a satisfying adaptation,
even
if
there
were
minor
flaws in pacing and character
development. At the same time,
there will never be a movie that
replicates what goes on in my
head. Keeping that in mind, I
enjoyed “My Policeman” just
as much as I could for a movie
where devastation is waiting at
every turn.
Baked Buzzed Bored: ‘Megamind’
DAILY ARTS WRITERS
LAURA MILLAR
Daily Arts Writer
Design by Leah Hoogterp
‘My Policeman’ is just as heartrending as the novel