The writers of The Michigan 
Daily do it all. On top of being college 
students with full course loads, they 
roll up their sleeves to consume media 
and write. For the entertainment of 
our loyal readership, The Michigan 
Daily has revitalized and revamped 
“Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” For the sake 
of journalism, three or more writers 
sacrifice their health and 3+ hours of 
their life to watch a TV show or film 
while either high (“baked”), drunk 
(“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This 
article was lightly edited to maintain 
the authenticity of the piece.

BAKED 1:

I really hope this movie has elton 
john music in it. I like Elton John 
right now
I hope that the fish is named 
chum and he is voiced by Chumlee 
from Pawn Stars
Megamind blue all the people at 
the school!
This movie had a more succinct 
origin than any other marvel movie
WAIT THE FISH IS DAVID 
CROSS THIS IS OK
Damn metro man has a codpiece 
tho 
Metro 
man 
and 
Megamind 
talking is like in The Batman when 
Robert Pattinson kept talking about 
justice
This movie has a soundtrack that 
screams my father. 
I have just been told what coochie 
eyes are. Please educate yourselves. 
He’s 
got 
little 
jammies. 
Goddamnit
Why does Megamind need a 
hairnet? This movie is so mean to 
bald people 
Megamind is very sad. This has 
made me sad.
Someone said Mega is dainty. I 
like that phrase!!
This movie makes villains out of 
gamers. Titan is a gamer and that is 
perfectly ok!
Is 
metro 
man 
actually 
metrosexual man?
Buzzed 1 has risen above their 
state to sing along to “Welcome to 
the Jungle” 
I think Jim Carrey should’ve 
been him (Metro Man)
DAVID CROSS HAS DIED. I am 
so sad. How could they do this?

BAKED 2:

Buzzed 1 is making us watch 
Snotty Boy Glow-up as a precursor
He’s in gay baby jail
WHY DID HE WINK QT THW 
TEACHER
Metroman has MOVES
market pliers
Buzzed 
2 
has 
this 
movie 
memorized and keeps finishing the 
lines with uncanny ability
Her belittling him is kinda hot 
there’s like three-way tension 
between 
roxanne 
minion 
and 
megamind already
Metroman’s overacting is so good 
here
Die Hal die 
It’s amazing he still has a cape in 
pajamaz
Bernard can get it
why does he need a hairnet
Megamind is his fucking dom
HAL STEWART IS A GREEN 
LANTERN REFERENCE
Malewife Minion
Wheb will my wefwection show 
who i am inside
Everything Hal says is so well-
designed to piss me the fuck off
Megamind’s Daddy material

Hal listens to Juice WRLD and 
xxxtentacion
HE’S A GAMER
Hal is why gamers oppressed
NO BITCHES????????
City parking is the real villain
MARKI0LIER METROMAN
HE’S A GIGGLY GUY LIKE ME
MEGAMIND 
MLGNWATER 
TR8CK
You’re white
PENISNMUSIC CLIP
we are n

BUZZED 1:

Something 
about 
Megamind 
is so indecipherably subversive. I 
find myself laughing at the idea of 
watching this film, but that feeling 
quickly turns to dust when the title 
card flashes. Never has a film so 
comprehensively 
deconstructed 
the hubris of man and tied it up in a 
gorgeously succinct blue-tinted, big-
headed ribbon.
If someone could let me know 
where Metroman gets his chin 
implants I’d be very interested to 
know.
Just learned that JK Simmons 
plays the Warden. This is more like 
“Whiplash” than I ever imagined it 
could be — the toxic, yet inescapable 
mentor-student relationship. Except 
the craft is doing crime, not playing 
the drums. And Megamind wins.
Thinking about the “I blue 
myself” 
joke 
from 
Arrested 
Development. Fits perfectly given 
that David Cross is the minion and 
Megamind is … blue.
Megamind and Minion saw 
Roxanne and said “we’ve been 
watching you from across the room 
and really dig your vibe. Want to be 
our third?”
Two beers plus one shot down. 
Somewhere between crafting prose 
and absolute beer mode.
This has the best writing I’ve ever 
seen in a kid’s movie … some would 
argue it’s not even a kid’s movie. 
Jonah Hill got cast as the ‘ugly 
inside-and-out’ 
guy 
who 
they 
MODELED 
after 
his 
physical 
appearance and he just went with it.
I want to sink my teeth into one of 
those gold bars. 
No one out-pizzas the hut.
Roxanne is so twee.
Best Marlon Brando tribute I’ve 
ever seen.
Mr. Blue Sky? More like Mr. Poop 
Sky.
Megamind kind of looks like Neil 
Patrick Harris?
Megamind has a soul patch, 
anything he says is out the window. 
Shoutout to all Mormons.
No one has farted yet.
No one has farted.
Megamind is the only blue life 
that matters.

BUZZED 2:

You guys I’m so excited for this 
right now you have no idea
Baked 1 goes “wait is this the guy 
from Elf?”
Baby 
Metroman 
was 
the 
blueprint for Boss Baby tell me I’m 
wrong
[baby burbles]
Also this soundtrack is full of 
bops
I could honestly quote this entire 
movie word for word
“His heart is an ocean that’s 
inside a bigger ocean” is my mom’s 
favorite line
If my name was Roxanne and 
somebody called me Roxaroo I 
would vomit.
MINION! 
YOU 
FANTASTIC 
FISH, YOU!
The spee-ider.
I’ve been quoting on and off this 

whole time and no one’s told me to 
stop yet
Potato tomato potato tomato
Baked 1 has never seen this movie 
before and I’m so excited to see them 
react to the plot twist coming up
This 
movie 
was 
truly 
unappreciated in its time
Tippy tappy tippy tap tap tip top 
more
AND MULTIPLY IT…BY SIX!
no you can’t
Vote Blue
Somebody said that Roxanne’s a 
simp for Metroman, but if anybody’s 
a simp it’s Hal
The sexual tension in this 
elevator rn…
How much did they have to pay 
for that Karate Kid reference
Just realized the graffiti outside 
Megamind’s hideout says “go away 
no one lives here” and that made me 
giggle
Shtewart
Buzzed 1 just goes “oh my god…
it’s snotty boy glow up”
Yeah. I’m like your space dad.
Here comes the knock off Mr 
Blue Sky 
Can’t wait, LOL, smiley face.
Everyone is now arguing over 
whether or not this is in fact the real 
Mr Blue Sky (it is NOT)
Bored 3 is currently trying to 
explain to me what the Omegaverse 
is and something is telling me I’m 
glad I didn’t know this existed
What a brutal rejection. 
Baked 
2 
is 
moaning 
and 
whispering “he needs love”
Watching him kick his little robot 
feet in the water while he waits. 
What a bean.
This one’s for Space Stepmom! 
You LIED to her!!!
The scene from the “no bitches” 
meme just happened and everyone 
cheered
Is Metroman’s monologue not an 
exact copy of the scene at the end of 
Over the Hedge
Now I wanna do a BBB of Over 
the Hedge

I just asked everyone if they 
wanted to do an Over the Hedge 
BBB and they all cheered
Tightenville
Hal just did the Kubrick stare
AND THERE IS NO QUEEN OF 
ENGLAND
Megamind wasn’t joking when 
he said “PRESENTATION”
Everyone’s singing In the Heights 
rn
How did they actually make 
Megamind kinda look like Obama in 
those “no you can’t” posters
Ollo.
Megamind just broke the fourth 
wall
Mid credits scene??? Megamind 
in the MCU?!?!?!

BORED 1:

That (black hole) looks like a 
trombone a little
He’s in the CAN!
Why does the teacher have the 
hots for Metro Man
He looks like when you give a Sim 
blue skin
Megamind and the fish are 
definitely lovers
*Statue is unveiled* Aw, just like 
the David
It’s his dead body, actually I don’t 
know… OH!
He just single handedly defunded 
the police
Has he never seen a WINDOW?
Would he run as a democrat or a 
republican?
This is just like when Bucky goes 
into the war museum and sees the 
Howling Commandos
And she’s not an investigative 
journalist? Julian needs to hire her 
right now
Daddy’s sorry for what?
MEN IN CROP TOPS!
Not the jorts! Not the jorts!
You think I don’t listen to “Mr 
Blue Sky” three times a day and 
know exactly what it sounds like?
I’m sorry this looks like a scene 
out of Bee Movie

MILF but it’s Megamind I’d Like 
to Fuck
Yo Bernard’s jawline goes crazy
He got BALLED!
Do you guys think Megamind is 
immortal
*All chanting in unison* THERE 
IS NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!
She’s the kind of girl that would 
be like “Babe, look at me, this isn’t 
you” if Megamind got in a fight 
*Minion dying* Mr. Stark… I 
don’t feel so good

BORED 2:

Will Ferrell is megamind what 
the fuck how did I not know this
Metro man is kind of an asshole 
as a baby
Minion is an A-1 day 1
Have Megamind and Minion 
explored each others bodies
Metro City being pronounced 
like atrocity is like testicles being 
pronounced like Hercules
Rest in piss Metroman bozo
We’ve got a bottle blowing 
symphony in the buzzed section
If I dont have “evil overlord” 
on my nameplate, I’m going to do 
something to deserve it
Tightan is a gamer I hate this
Tightan did the Kubrick stare!
The movie ended in a giant dance 
party I can die happy 10/10 better 
than the Godfather
This movie said there was no 
Queen of England before she died 
ahead of its time
Was it the real Mr. Blue Sky? The 
world may never know.

BORED 3:

Initial thoughts: I am afraid 
someone will find megaman sexy 
throughout the film
The prisoners raising megamind 
is kind of cute what the hell.
Megamind said “shool” and 
everyone immediately copied him 
like parakeets and i heard about 5 
“shool”s… Life is amazing

Guys this is the Markiplier 
backstory by the way
Btw the coochie eyes on this guy 
(megamind) are insane
Buzzed 2 knows this entire movie 
by heart i owe them my life
Cheering for David Cross for the 
millionth time
I know this lady is hiding a big ass 
forehead under there
Metro man megamind enemies 
to lovers only one bed fanfic ao3 50k 
words WHEN? 
I cant tell but megamind is giving 
major under 5’8 energy and i love 
short kings
My coochie eyes comment has 
received backlash but it’s okay i 
explained and everyone gets it now
Seeing Bernard is crazy because 
i remember this one day on twitter 
maybe a year ago where everyone 
on my timeline wanted him carnally
There is a fart brewing in that bed 
rn
Minion as a mother can be 
somethign that can be so personal
I have explained the omegaverse 
to Buzzed 2 and Suddenly i don’t 
feel sober
Overheard “Hal definitely listens 
to juice WRLD”
Megamind’s giant robot is so 
dainty and feminine
I think megamind could make 
an amazing animated crossed arms 
Youtuber persona if that makes 
sense
Megamind’s dainty hands
We need to take Tina Fey out like 
Old Yeller
There is no Queen of England
Everyone is singing hamilton (i 
think) I AM TRYING TO WATCH 
DAVID CROSS DIE
yeah, he has a good like like like 
there I hate pronouns babe please 
give me a call

Final 
thoughts: 
this 
movie 
gets better every time i watch it 
thank you Michigan daily for the 
opportunity

4 — Wednesday, November 9, 2022 
Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com

The 
story 
of 
“My 
Policeman” is an emotional 
telling of a tragic history 
regarding 
the 
mistreatment 
and 
criminalization 
of 
homosexuality 
in 
1950s 
Britain. In her novel of the 
same name, author Bethan 
Roberts seamlessly transitions 
from one narrator to another, 
effectively 
portraying 
the 
passion and desperation of the 
love triangle at the center of the 
story: Schoolteacher Marion 
(Emma Corrin, “The Crown”) 
and museum curator Patrick 
(David Dawson, “The Road to 
Coronation Street”) both love 
the same man, policeman Tom 
(Harry Styles, “Don’t Worry 
Darling”), who is unattainable 

to each of them.
I 
get 
nervous 
when 
I 
learn that a novel I like is 
heading 
to 
theaters. 
There 
are too many examples of 
book-turned-movies 
that 
are, to their respective fans, 
unsatisfying to say the least — 
“It,” “To Kill a Mockingbird,” 
“Percy Jackson.” Would “My 
Policeman” render the same 
emotional grip on its audience 
as its novel?
“My Policeman” primarily 
takes place in Britain, where 
Tom begins dating Marion. 
Around the same time, Tom 
befriends Patrick after helping 
him deescalate a minor crime 
on the streets outside the 
museum. Patrick, being braver, 
older and wiser, seeks to seduce 
Tom, knowing well the dangers 
that may come if anyone — not 
to mention a police officer 

— were to find out about his 
homosexuality. Tom marries 
Marion in an attempt at living 
a safe, ordinary life while 
pursuing Patrick in secret. 
Tom’s double life, Marion’s 
traditional values and Patrick’s 
passion become entangled in a 
tragedy where there can be no 
happy ending for all three. 
While ultimately satisfying 
in its retelling, the flaws in “My 
Policeman” disrupt the flow of 
the story, particularly in the 
beginning. The film begins in 
present-day Marion and Tom’s 
beach home and flashes back to 
the ’50s soon after to develop 
their 
romantic 
relationship. 
Not nearly enough time is spent 
on this development — we 
see Tom ask Marion to be his 
wife after less than five dates, 
some with Patrick there. In the 
novel, Marion’s persistent first-

person narration establishes 
her obsession with Tom, their 
romantic relationship and her 
feelings toward Patrick. This 
perspective is missing in the 
first act of “My Policeman” — 
we don’t feel the same level of 
believability and tension when 
it comes to their dynamic as a 
love triangle, which also sets 
an unintentionally slow pace to 
start. 
What saves the film from 
dragging 
and 
lacking 
in 
character development is the 
use of scene replays, which 
enhance 
the 
love 
triangle 
dynamics. For example, Marion 
is shown sitting next to Patrick, 
who is sitting next to Tom at an 
opera. Upon first glance, the 
three are happy. Marion smiles 
at Patrick. They all enjoy the 
show. The film then jumps back 
to introduce Patrick’s character 

in relation to Tom, and this 
scene is replayed after we know 
about their relationship. This 
time, we see Tom’s pinky graze 
Patrick’s 
as 
Marion 
smiles 
at 
them, 
oblivious. 
These 
replayed 
moments 
partially 
save the character dynamics in 
their development of tension 
through the role reversal of 
Marion and Patrick in relation 
to Tom. 
What I truly believe makes 
“My Policeman” a satisfying 
film adaptation is its ending. 
Without spoiling, I will say that 
the film dramatizes the final 
scene in just the right way. The 
novel ends quietly, and so does 
the film, but the latter is more 
emotionally resonant. I’m not 
usually a fan of film altering a 
story for its own benefit, but 
in this case, it is well done. We 
see Marion, Tom and Patrick in 

a light we have not seen before, 
and it’s incredibly heartfelt. 
There’s 
something 
striking 
about actually seeing these 
characters in their old age after 
all that they’ve been through.
When 
watching 
a 
film 
adaptation, 
it’s 
difficult 
to 
judge it separately from its 
original work. “My Policeman” 
is moving and meaningful and 
well-told on its own. In relation 
to the novel, it’s still all of 
those things. To me, that’s a 
sign of a satisfying adaptation, 
even 
if 
there 
were 
minor 
flaws in pacing and character 
development. At the same time, 
there will never be a movie that 
replicates what goes on in my 
head. Keeping that in mind, I 
enjoyed “My Policeman” just 
as much as I could for a movie 
where devastation is waiting at 
every turn. 

Baked Buzzed Bored: ‘Megamind’

DAILY ARTS WRITERS

LAURA MILLAR
Daily Arts Writer

Design by Leah Hoogterp

‘My Policeman’ is just as heartrending as the novel

