Wednesday, April 13, 2022 — 5 Arts The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ isn’t a queer story, but it’s part of mine Nothing is really ‘Straight Up’ OKAY, TIME FOR a confession. Long before I began to unpack my internalized misogyny and unchecked ego, I was just another girl who clung to wearing weird clothes and an inter- est in sports in the name of being “not like other girls.” Since then, I’ve embraced how beautiful and complex being a woman is, and how I can be perfectly myself and similar to a lot of other women — a truly lovely thing. But before I could come to terms with such a concept, I needed to uncover the missing piece of myself that was ardently telling me I was different and could never fit in with the girls around me. This, I would realize, was my unrecognized Queerness. When people ask me now about being bisexual and whether it was something I always knew about myself, I chuckle because the answer is no, but I totally should have. My journey to recogni- tion required a series of key moments, spurned on by passing touches, lin- gering feelings in my stomach and encountering a pivotal piece of media at precisely the right time. For me, this was “Bend It Like Beckham.” It’s no secret that the film is a Queer allegory, though not a Queer story. It explicitly depicts Jessminder (Par- minder Nagra, “The Blacklist”), or Jess — a tomboy who is forbidden from play- ing soccer (or football) because it isn’t proper for a girl, according to her par- ents — and implicitly depicts her secret desire to be herself much in the same way many experience Queerness. All the while, she is encouraged to follow her passion without inhibition by her narrative foil, teammate and other half of an incredibly homoerotic friendship, Jules (Keira Knightley, “Anna Kar- enina”). Ultimately, it was the undeni- able chemistry between Jess and Jules, from their shared passion for soccer to their easy banter and mutual dis- dain for boys, that made me realize maybe my aching desire for a relation- ship like theirs wasn’t based in friend- ship — I already had plenty of valued, close friendships with women — but was instead fueled by something more romantic. There is plenty of analysis out there that gets into the nitty gritty of just how sapphic Jules and Jess’s relationship really was, including the abundance of lingering gazes and their Queer-coded aesthetics (their hatred for bras isn’t exactly subtle). From start to finish, it’s glaringly obvious that the film is laced with Queer-coded elements. There is the character of Tony (Ameet Chana, “Unhallowed Ground”) who explicitly comes out as gay, as well as direct ref- erences to Queerness, like when Jules says, “Being a lesbian isn’t that big of a deal.” In a moment of unchecked leg- end behavior, Knightley even remarked during an interview that Jules and Jess should have ended up together and that she wants a lesbian sequel. So you can imagine young me’s dis- appointment when the film decides to run with a lukewarm romance between Jess and her soccer coach, Joe (Jona- than Rhys Meyers, “The Tudors”) instead. (To this day … ew.) To the film’s credit, it does put genuine effort into building a developed relationship in which both characters are vulner- able with each other; Joe opens up about his relationship with his father, and Jess describes her relationship with her parents and her insecurities. Yet even during my first watch, I got the sense that their relationship was one of mutual emotional support, cer- tainly, but not one with any romantic chemistry. I felt betrayed by the forced run to the airport scene at the end, because Jess had never shown any seri- ous interest in boys prior, and even if the film didn’t depict Jess and Jules in a romantic relationship, why would a relationship with a man be the narra- tive’s cathartic moment? “WHAT IF I’M not gay?” This may not be the first line of James Sweeney’s feature film debut “Straight Up,” but it may as well be. Todd (Sweeney, debut) sits in a diner across from his friends, model Meg (Dana Drori, “Freaky”) and compe- tent gay Ryder (James Scully, “You”), trying to convince them that he’s straight. In his current rationalization, Todd is only gay because everyone else deems him as such — he embodies the idea of “gay,” therefore he is. Desperate to not be alone, he believes that giving heterosexuality a shot will magically find him a partner, and it miraculously does in the form of aspiring actress Rory (Katie Findlay, “Man Seeking Woman”). Let’s be clear — the relationship between Todd and Rory is about as cisgender-het- erosexual (cishet) as I am, which is to say: not. On account of Todd’s intense hatred of bodily fluids and Rory’s past sexual trauma, sex plays no part in their connection; they instead have hours-long conversations about grammar and idioms, or they bond over dinner and a weekly documentary. If it weren’t for their deep emotional interde- pendency, you could almost mistake them as best friends who kiss sometimes. From the outside, it seems a bit Queer, but is there anything wrong with that? Todd and Rory remind me of myself and my previous partners. In fact, it was with my most recent partner that I first watched the movie. Snuggled up together in my bed with the laptop resting above my waist, we viewed the film as a cishet couple. We laughed at Sweeney’s clever wordplay and slick jokes, we held our breath during the climactic break-up and we smiled sweetly at the neat and joyful resolution. In essence, we missed the entire point of the film. Watching it now, one year of being single and a tangled mess of gender and sexual- ity, it’s impossible not to recognize that my relationship faced the same dilemmas. Long before I came out, the sexual pillar of our relationship was crumbling; whether it was the constant long-distance or our men- tal states is anybody’s guess. The time we spent together was experiential: We’d bake treats, cook meals, watch movies, finish one another’s sentences. I knew her idiosyncra- sies and she knew mine — you could almost mistake us for best friends who kissed sometimes. SARAH RAHMAN Senior Arts Editor M. 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The Executive Committee of the Alpha of Michigan Chapter of Phi Beta Kappa recognizes and congratulates these new members of this venerable society. Read more at MichiganDaily.com Read more at MichiganDaily.com A conversation with my therapist about my gender identity Editor’s Note: The author of this contribu- tion has requested anonymity for safety. In accordance with our ethics policy (which can be found in full in our bylaws), the Editor-in- identity.w today, I wonder if you maybe want to talk about your gender identity a little bit?) YEAH, ACTUALLY I do. I didn’t even realize it, but I actually have been think- ing about this a lot lately. So, yeah, let’s talk about it. Here’s where I’m at with the whole gen- der thing: One of the reasons I first wanted to go to therapy was because of some new gender dysphoria I started feeling a year or so ago. And after a lot of struggling and wrestling with the concept and the feelings, I feel like this semester I was finally more confident in where I landed. Which is why we haven’t talked about it yet. But lately, I have been questioning again. Basically, I thought I was nonbinary, like yeah for sure I don’t feel super like a woman but I also don’t have a penis, so like, what do I do with that? And this semester I finally just bit the bullet and started introducing myself with they/she pronouns. And that felt fine, I suppose. But the problem is there are not a ton of places halfway through a school year where it makes sense to introduce yourself with your pronouns. And just the whole concept of sharing and defining pronouns, in gen- eral, makes me squeamish. And I was not about to announce my “new” identity to the world. Because I still was not sure that those were good words to use for me. So yeah, everyone was basically still using she/her pronouns for me because, unfortunately (?), that is the most obvious assumption. (Well, I actually think you look pretty androgynous in my opinion.) Thank you! Thank you! And it always feels like such a compliment when people don’t assume my gender! Which I suppose is a confirmation of these nonbinary feelings. ANONYMOUS CONTRIBUTOR Read more at MichiganDaily.com Design by Jennie Vang Design by Grace Aretakis