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all me a naive romantic, but I believe 
in love at first sight. Why? Because I’m 
pretty sure it happened to me. 

When I bought tickets to see Icona Pop, an 

electro-pop band, at Necto Nightclub in the Fall 
2019, my expectations for the night included get-
ting ready in residence halls and screaming “I 
don’t care, I love it!” with my friends. My agen-
da did not include falling in love. It was only two 
months into my freshman year of college and I 
was basking in my newfound independence, not 
looking for commitments of any kind. I especial-
ly didn’t think I was destined to meet someone at 
Necto — a club notorious for nights of drunken 
regret — of all places.

If you’ve never been, believe me when I say 

Necto is one of the least romantic places on cam-
pus. It’s randomly stacked on top of a bookstore, 
unassuming from the outside. Inside, it’s grimy, 
with sticky floors from spilled beers and wasted 
college kids sloppily dancing all over each other. 
The vibe is chaotic, but also exhilarating; the am-
biance promises a chance to get lost in a crowd 
and forget to worry for a night.

Once inside, my friends and I were pushed 

onto the packed dance floor. I glanced around, 
vision spotty from the flashing lights, lost in a 
blur of twirling bodies until suddenly a compel-
ling force grabbed my attention. Whoa. My eyes 
locked with someone else’s gaze across the club. 
Something about this stranger was immediately 
captivating. It was as if we were old friends; his 
stare was familiar and comforting, but with a 
twinkling hint of excitement. Despite my initial 
plans, I felt as if this was my reason for coming 
to Necto all along and I was only just realizing. 
Something inside me clicked. I knew I had to 
talk to him. 

Yet without warning, he disappeared into the 

swallowing abyss of the club scene. Inevitably, I 
panicked, racing thoughts of how I’d never see 
him again pervading my mind. I knew I would 
forever wonder what could’ve been. Frustrated 
and upset, I turned back to my friends, trying to 
allow myself to once again get lost in the music 
— and to my surprise, there he was on the dance 
floor. 

In my mind, I casually walked up to him, 

smoothly introducing myself. In reality, I aggres-
sively ran towards him and awkwardly blurted 
out my name. I don’t usually trust random guys 
I meet in nightclubs, but for some reason, I had 
a gut feeling that he was special. Maybe it was 
his sweet smile or the way his stare made me 
feel safe and adored. Whatever it was, it led us to 
dance together all night and spend almost every 
day together that fall. The rest is history. We’re 
still together today, one and a half years later. 

Looking back, I like thinking this was love at 

first sight, but if I’m honest, I’m not entirely sure. 
It felt surreal at the moment, but the details are 
blurry now — maybe I added this fairytale de-
scription later, once I was truly in love. It could’ve 
been nothing more than the combination of a 

cute boy plus a carefree club atmosphere. 

Or maybe I did feel a promise of love in his 

stare. I know falling in love simply by looking at 
someone sounds crazy. I’d argue, however, that 
love itself makes no sense. It supersedes logic. 
It’s powerful, wrapping itself around your life 
and becoming the center of your world. And as 
John Lennon tells us, it’s “all you need.” 

With this in mind, I wanted to explore the 

idea of destiny’s true role in love. I wondered if 
the idea of love at first sight was something other 
people my age had experienced. Furthermore, I 
was determined to learn if love at first sight in-
dicated you’d found your “soulmate,” or if these 
ideas were separate, unrelated instances of fate.

I met with three women who shared their 

soulmate stories with me. They each brought 
differing views on the concepts of love at first 
sight and soulmate bonds. Even the word soul-
mate meant something totally different, depend-
ing on who I asked. 

I acknowledge these stories are solely from a 

female point of view and may not reveal a thor-
ough range of perspectives. That being said, their 
descriptions of soulmates were deeply powerful 
in aiding my understanding of destined relation-
ships. My view on what soulmates or love at first 
sight could look like shifted dramatically after 
talking with each of them. 

***
First, I met on Zoom with Emma Anderson, a 

freshman studying sociology and criminology at 
Ohio University. When Anderson met her boy-
friend, she fell in love at first sight, even under 
difficult circumstances — they were both enter-
ing a treatment facility that focuses on mental 
rehabilitation and substance abuse. 

Anderson instantly felt drawn to him, de-

scribing, “We saw each other across campus the 
first day and it was crazy.” She added, “As soon as 
I saw him, I was like, ‘I’m gonna fall in love with 
that kid.’”

According to Anderson, her partner agreed 

that he felt love at first sight too. In our interview, 
she explained to me that he has told her “I no-
ticed you and you just shined like a light. Out of 
every girl, it was you.” 

Despite their distressing surroundings, An-

derson emphasized, “It was exactly (the) right 
time, right place to meet him because we were 
both so lost.” The precariousness of the situation 
made their love stronger since they needed to 
overcome personal challenges for their relation-
ship to succeed.

They were also up against certain rules at 

the treatment center, as Anderson admitted, “we 
weren’t really allowed to talk to each other until 
we got to a certain level (in the program).” 

Their situation didn’t make falling in love 

simple, but they had a common goal in sight. As 
Anderson explained, “When we met, we wanted 
to better ourselves for the other person.” Con-
sidering the situation, she said this relationship 
was necessary to help bring them both to a better 

place within themselves. It seems like the timing 
was predestined. 

Anderson doesn’t think he’s her soulmate, 

though. Rather, this is her “twin flame.” 

“For (a) soulmate, I feel like your souls con-

nect and (with a) twin flame, it’s really about 
energy,” Anderson explained. In her mind, there 
are multiple people with whom she shares 
soul-level connections, like her fraternal twin 
whom she believes is another person destined to 
be in her life. 

“I would say (my twin is) my soulmate and 

(my boyfriend) is my twin flame, like my other 
half,” she said. While only one of these relation-
ships is romantic, they’re both on a deeper, pos-
sibly fate-driven level for her. 

Anderson’s twin flame relationship was 

high-stakes from the second they saw each oth-
er. However, not all soulmate or twin flame con-
nections begin with such powerful, all-consum-
ing feelings. 

For Art & Design sophomore Rachel Grabow, 

her soulmate wasn’t introduced as a romantic 
interest initially. 

Grabow has been dating her girlfriend for 

over a year now. On a Zoom call with me, she told 
me with a smile, “I think she is my soulmate.” 
She continued, “The first time I talked to her, it 
felt like I knew her forever,” a sentiment similar 
to that of what I felt at Necto. 

But at the start of their relationship, her part-

ner was still figuring out her sexuality. Though 
on the surface, this conflict may appear to be an 
obstacle, it didn’t deter their connection in any 
way. 

“It was so special that our relationship pro-

gressed from a best friend soulmate idea to some-
thing more romantic and intimate,” Grabow said. 

To Grabow, soulmates aren’t contingent on 

romantic attraction; they can adapt over time to 
fit the relationship. She elaborated on this defini-
tion, explaining that a soulmate is someone who, 
“complements you in a way that can make you 
feel special and loved unconditionally.” 

This is a broader definition compared to 

Anderson’s, in which she said such a connec-
tion indicates communion of souls or energy. In 
Grabow’s opinion, soulmates are less about an 
actual soul connection; rather, a soulmate can be 
anyone who consistently loves you. 

Their personal definitions reflect different 

backgrounds and core beliefs. Personally, my 
ideas of relationships and soulmates have been 
heavily influenced by fairytale love stories I grew 
up hearing. 

Most portrayals of soulmates or fated lovers 

in popular media follow exclusive storylines that 
support a heteronormative ideal. Our fairytales 
and media are full of unrealistic relationship 
standards which lead us to believe we must fit 
into strict stereotypes of either “Prince Charm-
ing” or a “damsel in distress.” However, soulmate 
relationships and love in general can appear in 
many other forms besides these limited tropes. 

None of the women I talked to shared stories 
which perfectly matched a fairytale descrip-
tion.

Grabow doesn’t believe these exclusive ide-

als impacted her view of love. 

“Heteronormativity was never really an is-

sue in my life, especially growing up,” Grabow 
said.“I have grown up surrounded by gay peo-
ple since I was really young.” 

She said she always knew she could love 

anyone, emphasizing, “I’m really lucky to have 
parents like that who aren’t just accepting but 
progressive in that way of how they raised me.” 
Her background cultivated an open mind of 
how love would look in her life.

That doesn’t mean she believes in love at 

first sight, though. When recalling the first 
time she saw her girlfriend, Grabow said, “That 
wasn’t love at first sight, but looking back on it, 
I could see feelings develop.” She continued, 
“Maybe we would call it (a) crush at first sight.” 
I like this idea, as it doesn’t come with all the 
labels and expectations of love with a capital L. 
It reminds me of Koi No Yokan, a Japanese term 
that essentially means, “The feeling upon first 
meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in 
love with them.” I imagine this idea like a seed, 
planted when two potential soulmates meet, 
which will someday blossom into love.

This seed, or premonition of love to come, 

resonates more with my experience at Necto. 
Perhaps my understanding of love at first sight 
as some monumental, life-changing experience 
doesn’t reflect reality. It could appear as an ini-
tial spark of Koi No Yokan. Feeling a crush or 
hint of love to come could indicate you’ve found 
your soulmate, as Grabow explained. 

***
In reality, soulmates don’t have to originate 

from our typical understanding of “love” as 
sexual or romantic feelings, but instead could 
appear in unexpected forms, like a friendship. 

For some, feelings of love never appear in a 

soulmate connection.

In a Zoom interview with Georgia Smith, 

a senior at Tamalpais High School in Marin 
County, Calif., I learned that soulmates don’t 
ever need to develop romantic feelings. Smith’s 
best friend is her soulmate since they’ve re-
mained extremely close since meeting in pre-
school. 

“(I have) always felt like I’m closer with her 

than my own sister. “No one else really com-
pares to that relationship.” 

Her soulmate connection lacks romantic 

feelings, but this doesn’t detract meaning from 
their relationship. To this point, Smith elaborat-
ed, “I haven’t found a romantic love that’s equal 
to the love I have for her.” This shows that soul-
mate connections can be just as fulfilling, even 
without romance. 

Is it love at first sight?

BY NATALIE BRICKER, STATEMENT CONTRIBUTOR

The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
2A— Wednesday, March 17, 2021 
statement

Read more at MichiganDaily.com

