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all me a naive romantic, but I believe
in love at first sight. Why? Because I’m
pretty sure it happened to me.
When I bought tickets to see Icona Pop, an
electro-pop band, at Necto Nightclub in the Fall
2019, my expectations for the night included get-
ting ready in residence halls and screaming “I
don’t care, I love it!” with my friends. My agen-
da did not include falling in love. It was only two
months into my freshman year of college and I
was basking in my newfound independence, not
looking for commitments of any kind. I especial-
ly didn’t think I was destined to meet someone at
Necto — a club notorious for nights of drunken
regret — of all places.
If you’ve never been, believe me when I say
Necto is one of the least romantic places on cam-
pus. It’s randomly stacked on top of a bookstore,
unassuming from the outside. Inside, it’s grimy,
with sticky floors from spilled beers and wasted
college kids sloppily dancing all over each other.
The vibe is chaotic, but also exhilarating; the am-
biance promises a chance to get lost in a crowd
and forget to worry for a night.
Once inside, my friends and I were pushed
onto the packed dance floor. I glanced around,
vision spotty from the flashing lights, lost in a
blur of twirling bodies until suddenly a compel-
ling force grabbed my attention. Whoa. My eyes
locked with someone else’s gaze across the club.
Something about this stranger was immediately
captivating. It was as if we were old friends; his
stare was familiar and comforting, but with a
twinkling hint of excitement. Despite my initial
plans, I felt as if this was my reason for coming
to Necto all along and I was only just realizing.
Something inside me clicked. I knew I had to
talk to him.
Yet without warning, he disappeared into the
swallowing abyss of the club scene. Inevitably, I
panicked, racing thoughts of how I’d never see
him again pervading my mind. I knew I would
forever wonder what could’ve been. Frustrated
and upset, I turned back to my friends, trying to
allow myself to once again get lost in the music
— and to my surprise, there he was on the dance
floor.
In my mind, I casually walked up to him,
smoothly introducing myself. In reality, I aggres-
sively ran towards him and awkwardly blurted
out my name. I don’t usually trust random guys
I meet in nightclubs, but for some reason, I had
a gut feeling that he was special. Maybe it was
his sweet smile or the way his stare made me
feel safe and adored. Whatever it was, it led us to
dance together all night and spend almost every
day together that fall. The rest is history. We’re
still together today, one and a half years later.
Looking back, I like thinking this was love at
first sight, but if I’m honest, I’m not entirely sure.
It felt surreal at the moment, but the details are
blurry now — maybe I added this fairytale de-
scription later, once I was truly in love. It could’ve
been nothing more than the combination of a
cute boy plus a carefree club atmosphere.
Or maybe I did feel a promise of love in his
stare. I know falling in love simply by looking at
someone sounds crazy. I’d argue, however, that
love itself makes no sense. It supersedes logic.
It’s powerful, wrapping itself around your life
and becoming the center of your world. And as
John Lennon tells us, it’s “all you need.”
With this in mind, I wanted to explore the
idea of destiny’s true role in love. I wondered if
the idea of love at first sight was something other
people my age had experienced. Furthermore, I
was determined to learn if love at first sight in-
dicated you’d found your “soulmate,” or if these
ideas were separate, unrelated instances of fate.
I met with three women who shared their
soulmate stories with me. They each brought
differing views on the concepts of love at first
sight and soulmate bonds. Even the word soul-
mate meant something totally different, depend-
ing on who I asked.
I acknowledge these stories are solely from a
female point of view and may not reveal a thor-
ough range of perspectives. That being said, their
descriptions of soulmates were deeply powerful
in aiding my understanding of destined relation-
ships. My view on what soulmates or love at first
sight could look like shifted dramatically after
talking with each of them.
***
First, I met on Zoom with Emma Anderson, a
freshman studying sociology and criminology at
Ohio University. When Anderson met her boy-
friend, she fell in love at first sight, even under
difficult circumstances — they were both enter-
ing a treatment facility that focuses on mental
rehabilitation and substance abuse.
Anderson instantly felt drawn to him, de-
scribing, “We saw each other across campus the
first day and it was crazy.” She added, “As soon as
I saw him, I was like, ‘I’m gonna fall in love with
that kid.’”
According to Anderson, her partner agreed
that he felt love at first sight too. In our interview,
she explained to me that he has told her “I no-
ticed you and you just shined like a light. Out of
every girl, it was you.”
Despite their distressing surroundings, An-
derson emphasized, “It was exactly (the) right
time, right place to meet him because we were
both so lost.” The precariousness of the situation
made their love stronger since they needed to
overcome personal challenges for their relation-
ship to succeed.
They were also up against certain rules at
the treatment center, as Anderson admitted, “we
weren’t really allowed to talk to each other until
we got to a certain level (in the program).”
Their situation didn’t make falling in love
simple, but they had a common goal in sight. As
Anderson explained, “When we met, we wanted
to better ourselves for the other person.” Con-
sidering the situation, she said this relationship
was necessary to help bring them both to a better
place within themselves. It seems like the timing
was predestined.
Anderson doesn’t think he’s her soulmate,
though. Rather, this is her “twin flame.”
“For (a) soulmate, I feel like your souls con-
nect and (with a) twin flame, it’s really about
energy,” Anderson explained. In her mind, there
are multiple people with whom she shares
soul-level connections, like her fraternal twin
whom she believes is another person destined to
be in her life.
“I would say (my twin is) my soulmate and
(my boyfriend) is my twin flame, like my other
half,” she said. While only one of these relation-
ships is romantic, they’re both on a deeper, pos-
sibly fate-driven level for her.
Anderson’s twin flame relationship was
high-stakes from the second they saw each oth-
er. However, not all soulmate or twin flame con-
nections begin with such powerful, all-consum-
ing feelings.
For Art & Design sophomore Rachel Grabow,
her soulmate wasn’t introduced as a romantic
interest initially.
Grabow has been dating her girlfriend for
over a year now. On a Zoom call with me, she told
me with a smile, “I think she is my soulmate.”
She continued, “The first time I talked to her, it
felt like I knew her forever,” a sentiment similar
to that of what I felt at Necto.
But at the start of their relationship, her part-
ner was still figuring out her sexuality. Though
on the surface, this conflict may appear to be an
obstacle, it didn’t deter their connection in any
way.
“It was so special that our relationship pro-
gressed from a best friend soulmate idea to some-
thing more romantic and intimate,” Grabow said.
To Grabow, soulmates aren’t contingent on
romantic attraction; they can adapt over time to
fit the relationship. She elaborated on this defini-
tion, explaining that a soulmate is someone who,
“complements you in a way that can make you
feel special and loved unconditionally.”
This is a broader definition compared to
Anderson’s, in which she said such a connec-
tion indicates communion of souls or energy. In
Grabow’s opinion, soulmates are less about an
actual soul connection; rather, a soulmate can be
anyone who consistently loves you.
Their personal definitions reflect different
backgrounds and core beliefs. Personally, my
ideas of relationships and soulmates have been
heavily influenced by fairytale love stories I grew
up hearing.
Most portrayals of soulmates or fated lovers
in popular media follow exclusive storylines that
support a heteronormative ideal. Our fairytales
and media are full of unrealistic relationship
standards which lead us to believe we must fit
into strict stereotypes of either “Prince Charm-
ing” or a “damsel in distress.” However, soulmate
relationships and love in general can appear in
many other forms besides these limited tropes.
None of the women I talked to shared stories
which perfectly matched a fairytale descrip-
tion.
Grabow doesn’t believe these exclusive ide-
als impacted her view of love.
“Heteronormativity was never really an is-
sue in my life, especially growing up,” Grabow
said.“I have grown up surrounded by gay peo-
ple since I was really young.”
She said she always knew she could love
anyone, emphasizing, “I’m really lucky to have
parents like that who aren’t just accepting but
progressive in that way of how they raised me.”
Her background cultivated an open mind of
how love would look in her life.
That doesn’t mean she believes in love at
first sight, though. When recalling the first
time she saw her girlfriend, Grabow said, “That
wasn’t love at first sight, but looking back on it,
I could see feelings develop.” She continued,
“Maybe we would call it (a) crush at first sight.”
I like this idea, as it doesn’t come with all the
labels and expectations of love with a capital L.
It reminds me of Koi No Yokan, a Japanese term
that essentially means, “The feeling upon first
meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in
love with them.” I imagine this idea like a seed,
planted when two potential soulmates meet,
which will someday blossom into love.
This seed, or premonition of love to come,
resonates more with my experience at Necto.
Perhaps my understanding of love at first sight
as some monumental, life-changing experience
doesn’t reflect reality. It could appear as an ini-
tial spark of Koi No Yokan. Feeling a crush or
hint of love to come could indicate you’ve found
your soulmate, as Grabow explained.
***
In reality, soulmates don’t have to originate
from our typical understanding of “love” as
sexual or romantic feelings, but instead could
appear in unexpected forms, like a friendship.
For some, feelings of love never appear in a
soulmate connection.
In a Zoom interview with Georgia Smith,
a senior at Tamalpais High School in Marin
County, Calif., I learned that soulmates don’t
ever need to develop romantic feelings. Smith’s
best friend is her soulmate since they’ve re-
mained extremely close since meeting in pre-
school.
“(I have) always felt like I’m closer with her
than my own sister. “No one else really com-
pares to that relationship.”
Her soulmate connection lacks romantic
feelings, but this doesn’t detract meaning from
their relationship. To this point, Smith elaborat-
ed, “I haven’t found a romantic love that’s equal
to the love I have for her.” This shows that soul-
mate connections can be just as fulfilling, even
without romance.
Is it love at first sight?
BY NATALIE BRICKER, STATEMENT CONTRIBUTOR
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
2A— Wednesday, March 17, 2021
statement
Read more at MichiganDaily.com